Wednesday, January 31, 2007

do i have to have the sex talk ALREADY?!?!

*deep breaths*
*deep breaths*

seriously. blake is 8. i don't care if he's 20. when do i have to have the sex talk with him?!?! blake likes michael jackson. not in that way, freaks. he totally digs his old music. you know, when mj was still black. it makes me laugh because when i was in 5th grade, i LOVED michael jackson and my favorite song was bad. i used to dance my ass off to it everytime i heard it. so it makes me laugh that blake likes those old songs too.

anyway, i told blake that mj's music was good back in the day but now he's a little off his rocker and he said that the kids at school said something gross about him.

now of course i was pretty sure what the kids said, but i wanted to hear it from blake. so after pleading with him to tell me just what the heck the kids said, he finally goes, "they said he had *covers mouth with blanket and mumbles* with boys." so i inquire with a "he had WHAT with boys?!?" and blake doesn't want to say it. so he spells it. hi everyone!! if you haven't had the pleasure of hearing your child spelling the word S-E-X while you're chatting with them, you're in for a treat. so i quickly respond with, "oh.. do you even know what that word means?" and blake goes, "NO! but it's in my dictionary at school." so then i asked what the dictionary said and he couldn't remember, but offered to run downstairs and grab it to tell me. UM, NO BLAKE. MOM'S NOT READY FOR THAT THANKS.

so now.. good god. stupid little heathens at school talking about sex and stupid stuff. i hate other kids. why can't blake stay in a bubble until i'm good and ready for him to get out of it?!

when did you have the sex talk with your child? and just how the hell did you do it? and then how did you answer the oh so obvious question that follows the talk- "so do you and *so and so* have sex?" because it's obvious that i can't really push the "you only have sex when you're married" angle because well- i was never married to blake's dad. and blake's not stupid. and he'll call me out on it. and then i'll just die.

i don't remember ever having a sex talk with my parents. did you have one with yours? what worked, and what didn't?! goodness sakes- i am SO not ready for this. but in all honesty, i don't think i ever would be.


Mieke said...

Oh boy! I just had the sex talk with my daughter about 6 months ago. She's 10, and she came home from school asking me what "hump" meant. Yeah. I totally almost died. Then she had heard about sex and also didn't know what it meant. So I sat her down and talked to her about it, all proper and stuff. At least you don't have to have the whole period talk, too. She was kinda grossed out and then moved on. I figured it was better to talk to her about it then her get who-knows-what kinda information at school. My parents gave a book with big bubble people and illustations called "where I came from", I think. Fun times...

Jenn said...

My grandmother, who's pretty hip I must say, bought me a whole set of books that talked about sex and your body and all that stuff. I forget the name of it. But it was for girls I belive. My mother read them with me and answered all my questions.

I think I also remember my father hiding in the bedroom under the covers mumbling to himself about how "this isn't happening" lol

I'm sure it'll be the same way with Mike. LOL

Hey, maybe you should make Point have the talk with him. ALthough, Before you know it blake will be telling you it's your JOB AS A WOMAN to make him breakfast or something! LOL

melissamm said...

Oy! I'm still in therapy from when Madison asked me at age 9 why they make flavored condoms. And yes, I explained it to her.

We had the "s-e-x" talk after they were shown a film in elem. school about the upcoming changes in their body. I also bought her a book and we discussed but man, it was tough. I just told her that it means more when you're older and can appreciate it. And if she did it too early her vagina would get infected and close up (j/k but I was tempted)

Slick said...

Hell, I'm scared to have the sex talk with mine. I just threw a few skin mags in his room and left. He's a smart boy, he can figure it out.

flybunny said...

We started having the talks about body changes about 6 months ago right after my daughter turned 9 and they have slowly evolved into sex discussions. I am open and honest within reason.

My parents never really had "the talk" with me and it was the same with many of my friends so what we learned, we learned from each other which was not the greatest. It also made me embarassed about sex which I don't want my daughters to be. So I let her lead the conversation and ask what she is comfortable asking and so far it has worked pretty good.

However, the more disturbing question she asked was about sex offenders because one of her classmates fathers was convicted for an internet sex crime (think Dateline)and that was MUCH harder to explain and discuss. I felt like I took away some of her innocence even though I only told her a minimal amount of information.

You are a great Mom to Blake and I think you will find it is easier than you think because he is so smart.

RWA said...

Yeah, I agree with one of the other posts. If you don't want to do it, just let him watch late-night Cinemax and give him a couple of porn magazines. He'll figure it out.

I am kidding, by the way.

norcalgirl28 said...

Uh, since my kid goes to the same school and is A YEAR OLDER, you are scaring the hell out of me. Drew has never said anything about this kind of stuff. He will throw out a word every now and then, I ask him if he knows what it means and he looks embuaressed and says "no". This is kind of frighteing that the third graders are chatting more than the fourth graders. I remember the period talk, but I don't remember the "sex" talk.

carrie said...

The first time I had to "explain" was after the boys (7 & 8 1/2 at the time) watched "Cocoon" and one of the old men remarks on having a "boner" after swimming in the water with the alien pods!!! "What's a "boulder" mom? My 7 year-old asked. After I regained my composure, I had to explain and of course, Dad was on shift so the pressure was on me.

Since then, we've dicsussed body parts and functions with my youngest son, and my older one (4th grade) has gotten the complete rundown. It is hard, but I'd rather he have the right information than learn the wrong at school from other kids. We also stressed the importance of not "educating" other kids, that it is up to their own parents to do that.

A helpful book is: It's So Amazing! by Robie H. Harris. It focuses on the whole "science" of baby making and other things...the pics help the kids understand so you aren't left trying to illustrate things for yourself.

Good luck, I know it sucks.


Blonde Chick said...

i had the sex talk with my oldest last school year when they watched "THE VIDEO." You know, the one about starting periods, etc. That was 4th grade.

i don't plan on saying one word to my youngest (now 6) until I know she's seen "THE VIDEO" first!

MrsFortune said...

Wow, I so cannot be of any help here, except to say that my mom was *constantly* talking to me about sex, and she was really open about everything, and IT TOTALLY GROSSED ME OUT and prevented me from ever being open, honest, etc., with her. So that probably blows someone's theory all to hell. Just let him get all the misinformation at school and then find out by experimentation.

KIDDING! But I have no help for you.

Grim Reality Girl said...

I am in the minority here. What a strange feeling! My mom explained sex to me accidently when my older brother asked a key question in the car while she was driving (she said she almost swerved off the road). She explained it all to him. My sister and I learned a whole bunch by listening to that conversation!

I've been from the same school of thought -- we've had open discussions as questions come up. My daughter will be seeing "THE VIDEO" in the next few weeks. I'm hoping that I've covered it all first. We talk about it in the context of general facts vs. personal experiences (my mom always did a great job of that too -- I didn't need to picture her and dad "doing stuff").

The downside of open conversation is that I had to explain the meaning of a boner to my daughter last week in front of my son. Hubby just tried not to laugh (and looked grateful that these questions come to me and not him!).

It is better that Blake hear it from you. A book is a great way to cover it and keep it on a "not about me" level. Good luck! Have that chat soon -- you would not believe what they will hear from their friends! The misconceptions I have had to correct are amazing... I'm grateful they come to me for the fact check though....

alison said...

Oooh, mine are too young for this so I haven't thought about it much. A book sounds good like some others suggested, but you'd need to be there with them or at least open to answering questions they might have.

And for the record, my parents never had the talk with me either.

Kim said...

Jen, just ask him if he wants to know, or has any questions about anything in that area and if he does, answer them, if he doesn't then tell him that whenever he does to let you know and you'll tell him. Be totally honest, and don't give anything kiddie type words. Make sure that he knows that you are there to answer anything he has to ask. You don't want him finding out about this stuff from those punks at school or he'll be totally messed up. :)

Erin said...

I don't do "the sex talk" per se. But I do keep an ongoing dialogue with my kids from VERY young ages about 'stuff.' The key is to let them know they can come to you w/o feeling weird (and don't put that part off) and that you'll be honest with your answers. Then, answer the questions they ask along the way because they'll ask age appropriate questions (mostly) rather than getting a huge dose of icky info they're not ready for. Sometimes, oddly enough, too much info is as bad as none at all.

Ex. My son, then 6, leans forward in the van (full of my other younger kids) and says "Mommy? What's a cunt?"

My brain bled for about 3 excrutiating seconds, and I answered that it was 'an offensive word used to describe parts of a girl's body.' He said "oh, ok, so I can't say that word then?"
...Nope, Tom, no using that word. "OK Mom."

Rather than explaining the intimate details of the female anatomy to a kid who wasn't ready to grasp it, I gave him what he needed and didn't freak him out with the rest.

At 10, however, he asked me to go for a walk with him and asked for the details. I gave him what he was looking for then too, but we'd built up to it over the years, so it wasn't so bad.

Anonymous said...

as for the whole sex before marriage. Tell him the honest truth, buth also tell him the benefits of being monoagmous(sp?) My dad was really open about anything to do with sex (my mom is deceased) He was very adament that we know all about safe sex and how to keep ourselves healthy. I think by talking about sex and why people have sex, it won't become a big scary thing for Blake. He will also begin to have more respect for women if you can explain that sex is not like you see it in the porno's that I'm sure he'll watch. Really I think you just need to tlak to him about the reasons to have sex, and everything will work good.


Kerry said...

I know this sounds totally lame but I wish it was appropriate to hire someone to have the s-e-x talk with my children (when the time comes) - I'd be in the room but I don't know how in the world I am going to manage the talk! best of luck to you!

PS I am new to your blog...very nice!

Vicky said...

Ahh, the “BIG” question.

First Taylor, at 2 ½ (now 11 years old) asked me how she got “out of my belly”, and I explained it to her. She accepted that and moved on. A year later she asked, “Can I see?” So, (and I will get maligned for this in the blogoshere) I showed her my birthing tape. She was entranced and for the LONGEST time would ask anyone who entered our home, “You wanna see my birthday video?” It took a while to explain that not everyone would want to see it.
And then came the BIG question. She was about 6. She had been chewing on the previous tid-bits of information for a few years. She quizzically looked at me and asked, “well how did I GET IN there anyway?” So it came time for me to call in the big guns. I pulled out the children’s book, “Where Did I Come From?” She was a combination of horrified and entranced.
I have never regretted my decision to be “real” with her, as honesty has been a steady in our now tenuous (given the recent hormonal influx) relationship. She feels comfortable (if maybe a little bashful) about coming to me with inquiries about what is happening with her body, etc.
Good luck with the “big” questions, and always rely on honesty.

Kevin said...

I never got the sex talk from my parents. I learned about it in a friend's garage with a bunch of Penthouse Letters Magazines. I liked putting them on the spot though, cuz they didn't know how much I knew.

One night, The Jerk was playing and there's a line in the movie where he says, "My friend Patty promised me a blow-job." So I asked my mom, "What's a blow-job?"

Without missing a beat, she answered, "It's when somebody sucks your pee-pee."

I was stunned she was so forthcoming with that information.

TeeRish said... jenn! good luck with has scared me enough to want to put off kids for a few more years. =)



my mom had the talk with me in 4th grade, when we were about to watch what everyone here refers to as "THE VIDEO." she took me to the town library, picked out TONS of books (luckily, i was an insane reader) and left me to digest those for a few days before we went over everything. it was embarrassing for me, but i can't imagine what it must've been like for her!

good luck!

Sarah said...

My mom is a lesbian and always was, so you can only imagine MY sex talk!!! Hahah!

Really though, at least it was REAL. She told me everything over time - no holding back, no matter what gender was with who.

Thankfully she did because then I was fully scared right off into virginity land for a long, long while!

...but then I messed it up in my mid 20's somewhere! :)

Stephanie A. said...

This is the right age for him to start wondering and it is good to address it now. I know, you're thinking how could I possibly know since my son is 1. Well, I was a nanny to 7 & 9 yo kids and we talked about sex OFTEN. Not that I was happy about it.

Basically, at the request of the mother of the kids, I was matter-of-fact. Yes, this is what happens during sex. This is why people have sex. Yes, when Adam comes to visit me we will do sex (French kids, and their "do sex" is so funny). People only have sex when they really love each other.

Once their questions were answered in such an upfront way, they really had no further curiosity about it.

On the flip side, my parents NEVER discussed it with me, even when I asked. This led me to be highly curious quite early and while I wouldn't change the way it was, I definitely think I could have benefited from a frank discussion about it.

I think it's when we act like there's some reason why the kid shouldn't be thinking about it or talking about it is when they feel like they have to know more and talk about it more and maybe even experiment with it earlier when they may not be as ready.

norcalgirl28 said...

Well, okay then, I'm glad I came back and read the rest of the comments. I think it is time to talk to Drew. I think I'll go with the "is there anything you would like to ask me?" starter. Carrie, you have a really good point telling him not to try to educate any of the other kids. God knows, just from this blog, I see that all parents are going to handle this differently and it isn't up to my kid to handle it for him. Sarah, you crack me up "scared off into virginity land". Too funny.

denise said...

I still need to have the "talk" with my 10 year old and I have one that's 8 also, dreading it big time. My mom said and I quote "just don't". Don't say that, it doesn't work.

Jodi said...

I am such a wimp. When my kids ask me anything remotely scary or embarrsing I just say, "go ask your Dad", and he does the talking for me! :) Thank God.

A few years ago Trent asked Chad what sex was and Chad gave him a very brief and mini version of the sex talk and it's kept Trent content for some time now. We really do have a very open relationship with our kids and I think when Trent wants to know more he'll ask Dad. Wimp, I am a WIMP.