Thursday, November 30, 2006

my fat ass... aaaand, the rest of me

i know i know, who wants to hear another freaking woman bitch and complain about her weight? but listen, i have to get this all out so that maybe i can figure out just why the fuck i'm so mental?!?!?

okay. so back in the day- (you know, when i was 20 something) it took no effort to lose weight. i was never that super skinny girl. i always had a ghetto bootie (thank you grandma and mom) but i was never really "thick." i just had one hell of an ass. but if i wanted to shed a few pounds, it literally took no effort at all. watch what i eat for like a day or two and the pounds would start to fall. at least looking back it seems like it was that way.

now that i'm older, i've still got the ass, but i've got the thick thighs to go along with it. and i'm so dammed out of porportioned, it's annoying (tiny waist.. tiny boobs.. big ass.. big thighs). but don't get me wrong. .. with the size of my ass and thighs i do not want the rest of me to be in porportion with that! my point is, ever since having blake, losing weight is a freaking battle. a struggle. what was once effortless, is now the ultimate challenge. and i hate it. yes, i want losing weight to be easy. i won't lie. i want to do very little and get a lot of results. i'm lazy like that. plus, as we learned before, i have no patience so i loathe waiting for results.

it's not really even the getting older part, although i'm sure that has a lot to do with it. i noticed the changes in how i lose weight and everything about my body and how it reacts to foods after i birthed the boy wonder. what once took 1 day to show results, now takes at least 3. and that's not even the worst part. the worst part is that ever since having blake, i'm mental. lol no really. i feel like a freaking gemini when it comes to how i feel about my weight. one day i'm totally fine with eating whatever i want and looking this way, and the next i can't stand to look at my body one more second.

my main problem is staying focused and maintaining consistancy. i get really focused for a short amount of time. once i set my mind to something, i can kick ass at it. but then i get tired of working that hard and not eating anything i want to eat. even with the great results, it's like it's not enough. i get frustrated because i don't want to live like that. i want to eat whatever the hell i want to eat. and i want to feel okay with that. and i don't want to be a fat, fucking cow either. not to mention the fact that i should probably want to fit into my wedding dress, eh? but yeah. that's the main battle that goes in inside my mind. i want to look good. no wait, scratch that. i want to feel like i look good. i want to feel good about how i look AND i want to be able to eat food and splurge sometimes. there has to be a way to maintain that? i know, you'll tell me to start excercising. let's pretend that isn't an option. let's pretend the devil (aka excercise) doesn't exist, k? thanks. besides, i can't lose weight with excercise alone. my body totally loses weight dependant upon what i shove down its throat. i guess i could eat what i wanted, and work out- then i would maintain? argh.

sometimes i just wish that i felt like it was okay to look this way. and that way i could feel good about how i look right now- and i would be eating whatever i wanted to eat. but that's not the reality. because i am eating what i want, but i think i look disgusting. well, i think a portion of my body looks disgusting. the rest looks fine. i just wonder if i'm the only one who gets frustrated with "dieting" even when you see the results you want? because if losing the weight and looking better isn't enough of a motivation to keep me going, then what the hell is!??!? and what the hell is wrong with me?!?!?

ps- i want to be perfectly clear that i don't wish i had no ass at all. that's not a goal or a desire.. i love my shapely curves. i really do- i just desire to be a tad less curvy. a tad less bodacious in the ass.. but not assless- i love me the ghetto bootie.. i'd just a little less ghetto.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

countdown to tonight's radio show!

AN AFTERTHOUGHT TO/FOR EVERYONE. IF YOU HAVE MISSED THIS, OR ANY STER SHOW- YOU CAN CLICK ON THE LINK BELOW THAT TAKES YOU TO MY BLOGTALKRADIO PAGE. THERE, YOU CAN CLICK ON ARCHIVES AND ALL OF THE SHOWS ARE AVAILABLE FOR YOU TO LISTEN TOO IN MP3 FORMAT. YOUR WINDOWS MEDIA PLAYER WILL OPEN, AND THE SHOW WILL PLAY. SO DON'T WORRY IF YOU MISSED IT- YOU CAN STILL LISTEN!!!!

**TONIGHT is the radio show of all radio shows!!!!!!**

http://blogtalkradio.com/jennster

russ from radhole.com will be co-hosting with me tonight and i'm so excited, i could just pee myself!!!!! if you don't know who russ is, get to know him. he is crazy, insane, wickedly creative and has an amazing voice!!

join us tonight at 7pm PST- which is in tminus 1 hour and counting (give or take a few minutes)

call us at (646) 915-8654

it's wednesday babble time!

i love the fact that almost daily someone finds my blog by searching for "bachelor party boyfriends." "strippers at bachelor parties." "boyfriend wants a bachelor party in vegas." "vegas strippers for bachelor party." "my boyfriend cheated with a vegas stripper at his bachelor party." and so on and so forth.

every.single.day.

makes me feel like i should start a support system for all the women out there who have to deal with all of this bullshit. not that i would be a part of it anymore, because the vegas bach party has been nixed. you heard me. IT'S NOT HAPPENING! thank you and goodnight. LOL

okay, just so you all don't think i'm not consumed with all things wedding.. i'll have you know that i am, in fact, consumed with all things wedding. it's because i just had a new idea of designing a monogram type of thing to use as a subtle theme for all sorts of decor at the reception. and well, once i get an idea, i can't stop. and the sucky part is- i look at all these examples of designs and i immediately think "i can do that myself." and then i try. and then hours go by and i've ignored my family and friends all for the sake of trying to design something myself that i could have had someone else design in like 5 minutes. i will tell you that for as overwhelming as theknot.com is- their message boards have been pretty invaluable when it comes to advice, tips, tricks, and talented people who can design pretty much anything for you. but once again, do i let them design anything for me? NO. little miss, "i can learn photoshop and pretend i'm a fabulous designer" attempts to do it herself. hmph.

it's cold here. like fucking freezing. my car temp said 33 degrees. i would cry, but i'm afraid my tears would freeze.

somedays i wish i could just stay home all day and bake goodies. fudge, sugar cookies, gingerbread men, peanut butter rice krispie treats and peppermint patty balls. that's my holiday treat list. and today i just wanted to stay home and bake them all!!!!! but i didn't. carry on.

**and last but not least- TONIGHT is the radio show of all radio shows!!!!!!!**
http://blogtalkradio.com/jennster
russ from radhole.com will be co-hosting with me tonight and i'm so excited, i could just pee myself!!!!! if you don't know who russ is, get to know him. he is crazy, insane, wickedly creative and has an amazing voice!! join us tonight at 7pm PST (or whatever time it says on your computer when you visit my blogtalk radio page .... it adjusts the time zone according to the clock on your computer).
call us at (646) 915-8654. don't forget and we'll talk to you tonight!!!!!

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

life lessons

do you ever look at your life, and the way you live it, and have that instant recognition about what your lessons are? as in, what you're here to learn? .. or teach people?

i mean, i know that i definitely need to learn patience. but i'm not giving in lightly. nothing comes easy for me. i've never been the type to want something and then get it with a snap of the fingers. you know the type.... they always seem "lucky." they get all that they want without really having to work for it. even though it seems like everything in my life is here to teach me patience in one form or another, i fear that i'm going to have to relearn it all over again in the next life. i am just an impatient person. and i know i have many other lessons to learn and that i'll most likely, never stop learning throughout this whole life.

my point? oh yeah.. my point. it isn't really even about me. it's more about how we view and see other people- and their actions. i mean, i was thinking about a particular friend this morning and i was thinking that one of her predominent lessons she has to learn in this life, is letting go. she has to learn how to let go of her control issues. in almost every aspect of her life.

and that stemmed to my thinking that it seems a hell of a lot easier to look at others and see their "flaws" then it is to look within and see our own. i mean, can we see other people's life lessons far clearer than we can see ours? because in my example above, that particular friend does not see her behavior as a flaw. she sees it as empowering. and she sees it as herself doing everyone around her a favor. so what if i'm wrong in assuming that that particular thing is a lesson for her? what if it all comes back to perception and how we each see things in others and ourselves based on how we view things?

i really don't know where i'm going with this. i guess i want to know if any of you can see clearly lessons you think you have to learn in this life? or are you perfect? HA!

Sunday, November 26, 2006

i'm back-

and warm! well, as long as i'm inside the house anyway. camping was good. it was freaking freezing and 1 pig is dead. or 1 new york subway rat on steroids is dead. i think they look the same. long lost cousins maybe? maybe.

we did wedding stuff today and it was so freaking exciting! boyfriend tried on tux's. omg, i almost mounted him in the dressing room. i got very teary eyed just looking at his sexiness in a tux. it was very emotional and i cannot wait until our wedding day. he got so uncomfortable with the amount of compliments that kept spewing out of my mouth.... which made it that much more fun, honestly. and i can only hope that he'll feel the same way that i did today, when he sees me walking down the aisle.

after the tux excitement, we went to bed bath and beyond to register. we kept saying we'd wait until after the holiday's, but the little scanner gun thing was way too fun to resist. we're registered. in a serious way. in a way too, oh my gosh please edit this registry, kind of way. it was so super fun at first, but then it got really overwhelming and it took us almost 3 hours to get through the store. our excited selves were soon replaced with exhausted ones. we went home to try out our new pillows that go with our new mattress topper. and i thought our sex life was over before. now we're double doomed!

Friday, November 24, 2006

dear blogland & beyond

i'm going camping now.

with my boyfriend.

you know, the one who hunts and kills things.

wish me luck.

the end.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

twas the night before thanksgiving

and all through the speakers..
were the sound of jennster and elizabeth..
being total tweekers!
they talked about turkey
and stuffing its butt..
"take a picture of you putting it on your hand!" jennster said
she's a nut!
sue bob called in...
tofurkey she hates
she's eating something else
but it has a weird name
then there was becky
who said YOU MUST FRY IT!
the turkey that is
fry it- you'll like it!
don't forget about pickleness
she called in too
dinner for 8 on friday
with her son hugo and jack black .. woo hoo!!!
and then there was jenn
who called in at last
making mongrammed pumpkins all day
please.. don't ask.

did you miss the show? did you? well now you don't have to!

click here to visit and listen to the show in archives! next blog talk radio show is next wednesday at 7pm PST. don't miss it.. you'll be sorry you did!!

happy thanksgiving everyone! hope it's wonderful! :)

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

compliments

do you get them often? do you take them well? what is your favorite compliment to receive, physically?

yes, you have to pick a favorite. and it's completely okay to enjoy hearing someone say something nice about you. even if getting compliments makes you uncomfortable, some part of you must think it's nice, right? so what is it for you? what one compliment just blows you out of the water everytime you hear it? it's feel good about yourself day here at ster's! :)

for me, it is so extremely rare that anyone compliments me on my eyes. and i really do love my eye color. so when someone does say something nice about them, i genuinely think it's so cool, kind and sweet. i don't care what their reasons are, but eye compliments make me swoony!

i remember when boyfriend complimented me on my eyes the first day i met him. i tried to call his bullshit by closing my eyes and asking him, "oh really? what color are they, then?" he answered immediately. and he was right! guess he showed me.

so that's what it is for me. the eyes. what is it for you?

***let's talk thanksgiving plans, irritations, etc TONIGHT! 7pm PST this evening is the next blog talk radio show! you can always see when my upcoming shows are by visiting my blog talk host page- it lists the upcoming shows at the bottom! make sure you tune in to hear who my co-host for the evening is! :)

Dial In Number (646) 915-8654

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

tuxedo shops are the devil!

okay, not really. they aren't even the spawn of satan... but they are annoying!!!

who knew that there were so many freaking styles of tuxes these days? the guys have almost as many choices as we women do for our dresses. something i thought would be a really simple experience, was out of control.

"what kind of tie do you want? what about jacket length? 2 button? 3 button? 4 button? NO BUTTON??? how about the collar type? this one is really important. do you want the collar to be straight? sharp? kiss you on the neck while you walk?? cumberbun? vest? and if a vest, what style? solid color, or a pattern?"

the kicker of all of this was- with all of these questions to answer, they have nothing for you to try on. they actually expect you to look at a picture of a tux, or swatches of vest pattern, and choose it all that way. and anyone who has looked at a swatch of anything knows how deceiving that pattern can be. it looks good that small, but put it on something large and all of a sudden a once cute pattern looks terribly cheesy. who does this? could you imagine if that's how we had to get our dresses? oh honey, just pick it from a picture- i'm sure it will look just fine on you. we went to more than one place and called others. they're all the same. you don't try anything on. well what if you're thinking that a really light pinstriping might look great, so you order it, only to find that you look completely fucking stupid in pinstripes? i find it hard to believe that every single male on the face of this earth who has rented a tux got it solely from looking at a picture. it's enough to make me want to open a shop where everything is in store. and you try it on and pick what you like.

is this really how it's done?!?

Monday, November 20, 2006

it's one of those days

my mind races at night. all the thoughts that i've pushed out of my head during the day come screaming into it during the nighttime. everything i try to avoid. everything i try not to think about. they all flood my mind when i'm trying to find peace in my sleep.

last night i was consumed with mommy guilt. the feeling that no matter what i do, it's never enough. i never spend enough time with blake. i could always hang out with him more. just sit on his bed and watch him draw. or watch tv with him. or just do anything with him... MORE. and i often wonder what messages i'm sending him with my actions. is my son going to grow up thinking that lost was more important than he was? will he think that work was more important? the computer? the things i choose to maintain my sanity and have some balance of self.... at what cost?

listen, i know the reality of why i do things i do. i know that having some jennster time = a much nicer, calmer, patient (ha) mom. and when you take all of these things away from me, i stress out. i can't relax. i feel wound up. the logical side of me knows the reasons for all of my actions.. even if they're sometimes selfish. but the emotional side of me wants to bitch slap me almost nightly.

and i hate the battle. i hate the battle between my emotions and my logic. because sometimes, i feel like no matter what i did- it would never be enough. i could spend all day with blake and i'd still find something to feel guilty about. i guess lately i've just been thinking more and more about how precious all of this time together is. because as he gets older, i know one day it will just stop. he won't want me to come watch him draw anymore. he won't want me to watch tv with him. he'll probably pay me to stay out of his room. and then i'm sure i'll have a billions times more mommy guilt for the past.

i'm just having one of those days. i'll be fine tomorrow i'm sure, but today.. it's just a bummer.

Saturday, November 18, 2006

the thing that kills our sex life...

won't be marriage.. and it won't be the kid(s).

it will be this damn tempur-pedic mattress topper we just got from our neighbors!!!! the thing is so freaking heavenly, that neither one of us wants to move once we get in it. i do believe that we actually had a conversation that went somewhere along of the lines of this the other night:

ster: you come here. i am WAY too comfy to move. come to me.
boyfriend: no way. you come here.
ster: YOU. HERE.
boyfriend: too comfy. not moving.
*we both fall asleep*

we are so screwed.

Friday, November 17, 2006

more blog radio stuff!

i just wanted to let y'all know that i chose to take down the very first radio show. if you click on any of the links below, you'll notice that the show is no longer available. there was far too much revealed in terms of my occupation and that's not something i really want out there in that type of format. i don't want to be associated with my job and that's not why i blog, or do blog talk radio. wait, that sounds funny. it's not that i don't want to be associated with my job.. because i love it (even though it kicks my ass on a daily basis).. but i don't blog about my work. i don't talk about my job. and i really need to keep it that way. i'm sorry to those of you who missed it, but i promise that you will have plenty of other opportunities to hear and participate in future shows!

last night was a great first show and i learned a lot. i definitely know what to expect and how to handle certain things going forward. i've also been contacted by blog talk radio, so you might hear far more than you ever wanted to of me in the near future. (lord help us all)..

i'm still very serious about the co-host idea and i almost think i will not do a show if i don't have a co-host with me. i definitely feed off other people and am not entertaining enough all by lonesome. so don't forget that if you're interested in co-hosting with me, just let me know and i'll work you in! and thanks! i promise it will be fun! you guys are the best!!! xoxoox

omg- the radio chat that took over the world!

or the radio show that was so completely fucked up that it wasn't working at all for 30 minutes. i have no clue what i did (i have a small clue, but anyway), but when i tried to call my host number, it wouldn't work. i mean, the number worked, but i have to put this code in. the stupid lady with the accent told me that i had no shows scheduled. so then i tried to schedule a new show- but it said i can't have two shows scheduled for the same day. AHHHHHHHHH!

i was about to give up when pickleness told me she'd let me use her account which made me think that i could make an account for boyfriend and use his. cheese & rice, i am shutting up soon. anyway, i did that and it worked!

the show is here http://www.blogtalkradio.com/hostpage.aspx?show_id=5083 and you click archives and jennster's first show is there! hopefully you can click the play button and it will work for you (IT SHOULD WORK NOW!!! click the play button!)

thank you elizabeth and izzy for pretty much co-hosting the show with me and giving me the idea that everytime i do one of these, i want a co-host! so please let me know if you'd be interested in co-hosting a show with me! all you need is a mouth that speaks and a phone!

thank you boyfriend and rwa for live commenting the whole time while we were doing the show. that was awesome and it made it SO much more fun!!!!! seriously, i would randomly crack up thanks to those comments! thanks to jenn & mike and everyone who tolerated me saying "porn cock" as often as i could get it out there! HAHAHAH!

until next time...

Thursday, November 16, 2006

and we're LIVE! call in now!

okay- i created an account for boyfriend and hopefully this will work! !! please let it work!

orrr not. it won't let me connect. i have a different number than you guys do to call into- and it's saying i have no shows scheduled. i'm trying to be smarter than the system so hang in there with me for a minute. if you're holding, hang up until you hear me actually fucking TALKING! good gravy i'm going to cry

yes.. now. or just listen. whatever tickles your fancy! you'll need window's media, or if you're a mac user, see izzy's comment in the post below on how to listen (thanks iz!!).

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/hostpage.aspx?host_id=1311

Dial In Number (646) 915-8950

you don't have to be super tech savvy to participate.. all you have to do is pick up the phone and dial (and remember that it's a long distance call, so normal, long distance charges apply). so there you go! YAY!

blog chat radio

i've had an account for about a month and figured that i just didn't really have the time to do this consistantly (like i wanted too). thus, i've been waiting... you know, until i do have the time... which really means, if i keep waiting, i'll never have the time, and it will never happen!

i don't want to wait anymore- because kristin's radio show was SO MUCH FUN! so i am ready!!!!! we'll start with this show and who knows where it will go from there, but i'm ready!!! are you ready?!??!?!

i swear to the goddess people.. IF YOU DO NOT CALL ME AND TALK TO ME, I WILL CRY!!! and no, i'm not having a topic. it's all about open discussion.. open chat.. open blog love. first time talking to eachother and hearing eachother's voices.. laughing.. dishing the dirt, etc. let's bring it!

so when should i do this? tonight (thursday)? hell yeah... let's go for tonight! but wait, tonight is grey's anatomy. hmmm.. if it's my 7:30pm (pacific standard time) it's a lot of your 10:30pm and grey's is over by then. and the kids are sleeping and the husband's are trying to sleep. that's right. who's with me???

Gotta Get Something Off Your Chest?


ps-How do I listen to a show?
Your computer must have the Windows Media Player. You can download the latest version at the Windows Media Download Site. There is a version of Windows Media Player for Mac users as well.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

the post with pictures

of the hot and sexy bitches that i miss so much.. especially lately.

blogher 108

the girls- izzy, kristen, jennster, liz

blogher 012

blogher 074

blogher 079

her bad mother, ster, mom-101

blogher 018

sober

ps- who puts the pregnant person in the BACK SEAT of a convertible?!!! um, yeah.. me and izzy do. she should have killed us. girlfriend, i am so sorry that we sucked and put you in the back. wtf were we thinking?
blogher 061

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

because laughing is always fun!

grandpa- you can probably skip this post. lol

it's that time again! the ROFL awards for october!

i nominated kevin, fucktard, charnas for his freaking hilarious post about becoming super flame! if anyone grew up watching the heat miser cartoon during christmas, you'll appreciate this post.

don't forget to visit mommy off the record, or izzy for the whole list of nominees and fun posts! who doesn't like to laugh?

Sunday, November 12, 2006

the seating chart

okay, listen up. you already know i'm a little crazy so none of this should surprise you. i asked our reception place to send me a sample seating chart for our wedding so i would know what i have to work with, what the table set up is like, etc. i don't even know who is, or who is not coming to the wedding yet (and we don't even have invitations)- but in my psycho mind, none of that matters.

working on this chart is making me sick to my stomach. this is freaking ridiculous and NOT fun at all. how come no one ever told me?!?! YOU GUYS! i expect some forwarning about what is not going to be easy.. what is going to suck.. what is going to make me cry, etc and you have not been helping!!!

so in this chart- there are 2 tables that are behind a fucking fireplace. as in, i don't think they'll be able to see anything or anyone other than eachother's table. who the hell am i supposed to put behind a fireplace so they can't see anything?!?!! HELLO! and then there is this other table that is so far in exile in the corner of the room- i'm almost embarassed to put anyone there. how the hell did you choose who to sit where?! it sucks. this sucks. maybe i should put a note on the exiled tables telling them that even though they are far enough away to be in a completely different zip code, i still love them? should i set up a webcam so they don't miss anything? i mean seriously people! this seating stuff is making me crazy...... er.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

dear rain

normally when i wake up to the beautiful sound of you falling, i am pleasantly surprised. normally, i can sit there in bed and be lulled right back to sleep by you. listening to you fall takes me back to when i was a kid. i had this ridiculously ugly metal shade that hung over my window.... and when you fell, you would hit that shade with such force, it would make the loudest sound. but i always loved it. and i've always loved you. rain for me has always brought me a certain kind of peace. normally, you're good for my soul. normally.
.
.
.
.
.
.
but when i woke up this morning to the sound of you- i wasn't pleasantly surprised. my normal happy, peaceful feeling was replaced by a ping of horror and uncertainty. i found myself unable to get back to sleep and my insides were clenched at the sound of you. and i realize why.

last year you didn't stop falling for 8 months. EIGHT MONTHS! i did not move to seattle, do you hear me rain? if this is a sign that you aren't going to stop falling until freaking may, our love affair might be over. yes, i'm threatening a break up here. because while i love you and i honestly don't get tired of hearing of you fall.... i do get tired of not seeing the sun and having the cloudy, dreary days that accompany you. i'm too happy of a person to be surrounded by darkness for that long. so i am begging you. please don't do to me what you did to me last year. i don't think i can take it.

signed,
your warm weather loving soon to be ex-girlfriend

Friday, November 10, 2006

hit the snooze button and die!

hey you, we're over here! and by we, i mean myself and boyfriend. you know, the one i'm going to kill if he hits snooze one more time.....


Thursday, November 09, 2006

From the files of “Nothing Can Ever Be Easy” (On The Road Edition)

**the post below is from the brilliantly funny, charming, and first time dad, tony. when he isn't hogging up all my blog space, he can be found on his blog, from the files of nothing can ever be easy. although he sucks at actually posting regularly. which is why he's here. and wherever else you might see him. *coughs*becky's*coughs*

Allie and I have been searching for the past few weeks for someone we are both comfortable with to watch Kaci when Allie goes back to work (which is very soon actually.) We have searched classifieds and online listings and we have even placed ads on Craigslist, to which we have gotten many replies…so with that in mind, here’s a little advice for any potential childcare providers.

When replying to either an online listing or a direct email….SPELL CHECK…geez its not that hard…because there’s no freakin way in hell I’m leaving Kaci with someone who “liv in nice hose” I mean seriously…Kaci probably could type better than this person…whoever it was. Don’t get me wrong, she could be a great person…but horrible spelling gets you nowhere in my book.

I’m Christian, Allie is Catholic and we want our daughter to grow up knowing God, but please do not mention God, the bible, or Christianity in every single sentence you type. I’ll admit that this probably means there’s something wrong with me when it completely freaks me out at how much this person mentioned her religion, the bible and such in her reply….but it did….so please tone down the bible-thumping. Example “I will do my best as a Christian, to help care for your daughter, and help her learn the teachings of the bible so that she can know God better.” Why does this creep me out you might ask? Ever hear of David Koresh or Jim Jones? (Or that one chick from either Trading Spouses or Wife Swap…you know..the “Christian Warrior!!”

When we get as far as meeting in person…how about covering up that tattoo you have on your thigh? You know…the one that spelled out “Trashy” (it didn’t actually spell out trashy, but it was very tasteless). I have no problem with tattoos…Allie has 2 and I have always wanted one….but this person’s tattoo was a huge red flag to me…not that she has one…but that she has one and didn’t bother covering it up…I mean if it were a butterfly or something well-drawn or meaningful…I might understand…but this tattoo probably meant she was the property of some local biker gang.

And finally...never EVER accuse me of accusing you of being a scam. I can’t help it if I bone headedly forwarded your email back to you instead of to Allie with the words “I don’t know about this one…read it very carefully.” Just because I sounded skeptical, doesn’t mean I was skeptical…I was just letting Allie know that I wasn’t sure if this person was the right fit for us…so instead what do I get in return…”Are you accusing me of being a scam?” Well if you’re the type of person that needlessly rushes to ridiculous (not “rediculus”) conclusions….then you’re nowhere near suitable to care for my child.

Thus, the search continues…wish me luck.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

priceless!

MLB paraphenalia... $20

dinner for 4 at taco bell... $16

getting a 9 year old born and raised giant fan to wear an LA DODGERS hat out in public.. PRICELESS!

HA

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

we interrupt your regularly scheduled blog to tell you

THAT BRITNEY HAS FILED FOR DIVORCE FROM KEVIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
please please please don't let this be a joke! please let this be real!!!!!!!!!!!
the world is a happy place! *shakes booty*
oh yeah! go britney.. get justin back! :)

the post where i bring you into our bedroom

because it's a scary, crazy, oh so fun place to be!

it's about 1:30 in the morning and i'm sleeping peacefully. suddenly, i am awoken by the sound of boyfriend saying "baby??" i open my eyes and he is looking over me. like he is out of bed, standing over me, staring at me. once he confirms it's me- he gets back into bed and proceeds to tell me the following:

he said that when he woke up, he turned and looked at me. apparently my hair was in a super weird position, so it looked like i had a buzz cut. he didn't think it was me so he got out of bed and went into blake's room to look for me. when he realized i wasn't there, he came back into our room and bent down to my face and discovered that it was, in fact, me. that was when he woke me up.

from the moment he woke up and came back to bed, he thought JIMMY was in the bed with him! freaking JIMMY!!! J I M M Y. he thought jimmy came over after work to talk, or something, and he fell asleep. what the hell?!! lol

at least he didn't lean in to kiss me while he thought i was jimmy, right?

Monday, November 06, 2006

i hate nopoblosmadsfjsljf

i'm sorry y'all, but this freaking november post everyday crap is killing me. first of all, way too many of you are playing along. secondly, you're just posting to post. and that alone is annoying.

i like to read what you blog about when you genuinely have something to say. not when you're posting because you're "supposed" to be. if you're participating in this madness, can you tell me why? because when i heard about it, absolutely nothing about it appealed to me. i'm wondering what appealed to you.

this is one time i'm encourage y'all to be quitters. k? my sanity.. my bloglines.. my eyes thank you.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

walking down memory lane

every so often, an old memory will pop into my head. it could be triggered by a song, a smell, something someone says, who knows. whenever i hear this one song, i'm instantly transported back to my dorm at cal state fullerton with my best friend melissa sitting on the floor next to me, rocking back and forth, as we dance and attempt to sing along.

for some reason, the following memory popped in my head and made me laugh this morning.

i was in a class at cal state fullerton. it had to be a communications class, but i have no clue which one anymore. i always sat in the back few rows of class. i don't like sitting in the front. and i hate the idea of people sitting behind me staring at the back of my head. cause i assume that's what they're doing all class. they're not listening to the teacher, they're staring at my hair. i'm a freak, i know. moving along. this classroom was pretty big. the size of a small movie theatre i think. brett was in this class with me. brett was a total smart ass. he's the guy who when i told him that it cost a quarter everytime he touched me, put about 50 quarters on my desk one day. he's the one who turned my smart ass comments around on me and "tricked" me into going to lunch with him.

we must have talked during class a lot. we must have because one day the teacher hopped off of the stage and started walking towards the back of the class where we were sitting. he was counting down from 10. the 10 was really mean and angry and scary. but by the time he got to us and got to 1, he was calm. i don't think any other words were said, but the teacher opened the door for us. brett and i gathered our stuff and walked out the door. once we got out there, the teacher turned around and walked back in the class. brett and i were standing there, dumbfounded. we just got kicked out of a college class. WHO GETS KICKED OUT OF A COLLEGE CLASS?!??! i couldn't stop laughing. brett whined like a girl. he bitched about how he knew everyone in that class and how they were going to give him so much shit. but honestly, i just thought it was funny. and rare.

but apparently not that rare, cause once i transferred to san jose state, i got kicked out of a screenwriting class one evening. i can't remember the details, but i do remember that the teacher was horrible and was basically calling all of us losers. she would say awful things to us about how untalented we were, and i think i said something about her being so talented at screenwriting that she was teaching a class about it. out i went. and i do remember getting kicked out of her class one more time that semester because i couldn't stop laughing. are you starting to see a trend here? obviously, i am the one who was the problem. heehee! that bitch hated me, but i still passed the class and i think i filed a complaint about her. as far as i can remember, she was not teaching there the following semester. don't mess with ster.

Saturday, November 04, 2006

football is finally over.. thank god

today is our last game of pop warner football for the season (and quite possibly forever). blake isn't sure he wants to play next year or not. bottom line, he loathes the running. apparently they run these nasty hills at practice and blake can't stand it. take the hills out, and he'd be fine with football, 100%. me however? i'm not so sure.

they weren't lying when they said that football was a commitment. i remember rolling my eyes and wondering just how much more of a commitment than any other sport can it be? but it truly is. if you enjoyed having august be a summer month, you won't anymore. because no longer is august a month of no school and family vacations- august belongs to football. 5 to 6 days a week. and once school starts, football still rules your life 4 days a week. it really is a lot and the pressure to get the kids to practice on time (which means 30 minutes early) is mentally draining. i feel a burdon lift off my shoulders now that the season is over (or at least i will at around 5pm today). i'm sure boyfriend does too since he's the one who has to haul ass out of work each day to get him to practice.

the thing that has been the most frustrating with football is how disorganized they are. it's unbelievable. and for a pyscho detail oriented virgo like myself, it makes me absolutely crazy. something inside me wants to take over and fix whatever the hell is wrong with this organization. the game days have constantly switched. the time of the game has changed. the locations have changed all the way up until the morning of the game. one time, the location changed back and forth 4 times. FOUR TIMES! and there is never an explanation. never any reasoning for what the hell the freaking problem is. i don't know about you, but i like reasons. it helps me understand just what the heck is going on. it can help me place blame where it is justly due, instead of automatically thinking that this football league is ridiculously chaotic.

even on the field, our team is out of control. we have about a thousand coaches and apparently they don't communicate with eachother. i can't even tell you how many times one coach has sent blake hauling ass onto the field to a position, only to have another coach yell at him to turn around and come back off the field. i honestly wish i could tell you this has only happened to him a handful of times. but i can't. because the truth is it happens to blake numerous times each and every game. but you know what? blake has never once complained to me about it. never seems frustrated when it happens. he just comes off the field and pays attention to the game, while i sit in the stands and curse under my breath.

the last straw for me was this week when i got an email (the same email...3 times... per usual.. someone kill me) saying how the jersey's we ordered for the kids got messed up so the kids weren't getting them. something about an error with the silkscreener. um, can't you start over? fix the error? DO SOMETHING? i mean, why isn't this something that can be fixed? instead i get an email saying there was a screw up and we'll all get our money back. how lame is that? but in my mind, it's just another one of the many screw ups of football.

don't get me wrong- football hasn't been all bad. and i don't sit around all day hating on it. because it has been really fun. i love that blake is playing another sport besides baseball. it's super fun to watch him play. and the football parents are unlike any other sport parents i've known. it's a crazy little community. a crazy little disorganized community. but it really is fun. i love the games, i love watching blake at practice- and well, there's always coach jason. i luff me some coach jason. he cracks me up when he gets all angry on the field and tries to yell at the boys. i just wanna laugh and hug him.*waves to boyfriend*

and football couldn't be more different from baseball, which is what i'm used too. speaking of, that battle is next on the list. but more on that later.

Friday, November 03, 2006

does anyone really care

what someone has to say when they do so anonymously?

wouldn't it be much more "insulting" (if that is their intention) to do it with a name? how much credit can you give someone when they do it under the anon umbrella? do they stay anon because they know what they're doing is mean and cruel and they don't want to admit that side of them? do they not want to be associated with their post or comment? and if they don't, then why write it in the first place? having the ability to post anonymously just gives you an easy out. you can be as mean spirited as you want without taking any responsibility over what you write or say. in other words, you can be a cold hearted bitch and still be a complete pussy.

when teri was bagging on me and being rude as hell, at least she had the balls to do it with her name and her blog linked (and at the time what i can only conclude as being a real picture of herself). i respect that action much more than i do someone bagging on me anonymously. anyone can rip someone or their kid apart when there is no name attached. it's easy to do any number of things when you don't have to own up to it.

but then, what's the point? because all of these anonymous people claim to stand by what they say. they claim to not give a shit who they hurt, or how their posts affect others. but if that was true, then they wouldn't be posting anonymously, would they?

i'm curious what your opinion is?

ps- this has nothing nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing to do with me, or anything that has or is being said about me. just wanted that to be clear because some of you think otherwise. it was just a general discussion

Thursday, November 02, 2006

if you haven't watched lost yet, don't read this

dear boyfriend,
please don't come upstairs before lost is over because it is most assuredly true that you will walk in right at a part where something so completely wacky and unexplainable is happening that i will have to listen to you make fun of it for the rest of the night. i don't know what the big black cloudy stupid thing is. no, it isn't a bunch of cartoon bees. i don't know why it can pick him up and throw him against trees. but you don't get to make fun of it!!! even though that part was lame and totally retarded, it's still my show that i love and adore. i am emotionally invested in this show, which is why the moment you start your heavy breathing or sighs of "this show is so unrealistic and stupid how can you watch it?" i get defensive. my show. MINE. you stay downstairs until it's over and i'll let you enjoy being married to me.


dear lost,
please don't ever give me an hours worth of backstory on a character before killing them off again. you wasted my time last night. apart from about 2 minutes of really good stuff, you have me all into this person's life and basically things i already knew (from the previous backstory on him) and then you toss him into trees and have him die!!! why did i have to know all of this stuff about him? WHY? i feel jipped. and just think about how i'll feel after you go on hiatus until like january or february or whatever it was that i read. your scheduling pisses me off. and well, that's all i have to bitch about for now.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

love thy neighbor

or the post where i talk about standing outside their front door with a video camera filming an extremely personal moment. love.. stalking- same difference.

our neighbors john and hayden got engaged last night!!!! and we got to observe, watch, stalk, be a part of the whole thing!

john wanted blake to be the one who gave hayden the ring. we decided to put it in blake's candy bucket and head on next door. blake asked hayden "trick or treat" and waited for her to give him candy- she had no idea what was coming next. after getting "one of each", blake shot me a look and i gave him a nod. he handed hayden a box. "what is this?" she asked and turned to see john down on one knee asking her to marry him.

IT WAS THE COOLEST THING! and i video taped it! i got so nervous and choked up and there is a part where i am shaking so badly i almost needed 4 hands to hold the damn camera still. i half felt like i was violating a very private moment, but the other half of me was so happy that i was able to video and take pictures of such a special moment for them. and another half of me (sure, i've got 3 halves) was so overjoyed that blake got to be a part of something like that. and blake loved it. he was so hesitant at first to even do it, but after he thought it was so neat. and he said, "that was the first time i've ever seen a grown up cry!!" he couldn't stop smiling. he even made up a song about it in the bathtub. i'd tell you the lyrics, but i forget.

anyway, it was a crazy romantic halloween for us last night! and hayden... your life will never be the same. welcome to wedding planning!

hayden 020