Tuesday, February 28, 2006

my recap of the winter olympics

it snows in italy????

bad mom

and there you have it. medicine in the left hand. his chaser in the right. and still it took him over FORTY freaking minutes to drink that stuff. 40 minutes of that face, those tears, and those eyes. breaks my heart now...but then i was pissy. it's sad how irritated i get with things like that. i was already late for work, and i didn't have the patience to deal with him just not wanting to drink the stupid shit for that length of time. 10 minutes of crying i think is my max for this. it's not like the medicine is going away. no matter how much you cry, or for how long, you still have to drink it. logic- it's so wonderful as an adult. see, this is why i'm not built to be a stay at home mom. mad props to all of you who do it and don't kill your kids, or go insane. seriously. i don't have the patience for it and i just need to get away sometimes. and i don't think it makes me a bad mom either. i love and adore my son..... enough to know that staying home all day with him would not be a wise move for either of us. i'm trying to preserve what little sanity i have left. i mean, look at how mean i am- i photograph him crying hysterically for my own pleasure... and yours.
"what are you doing?"
"taking pictures for my blog."
"but you don't need to take pictures of me crying!!!"
"well yeah i do, otherwise i can't post them."
"fine."

ads & help

don't be shocked, but i've added ads to the site. added ads. ha! say that 5 times fast. DO IT! anyways, click em if they interest you.. and hopefully, they'll only get better as i'm able to focus them more towards what the blog and the readers are interested in (ie, the site gets actual traffic worth a damn)! i've got to figure out how to get rid of the freaking moles and wart ad that keeps running. EW!
alrighty... i have a feeling this site will get a makeover soon. moveable type anyone? typepad.. wordpad, whatever the hell it's called?!? i really want a better format with categories and a post search function. suggestions? i don't want to leave blogspot if i don't have too, but i'd really like the site to be more organized. i suck off the whole filing your posts in a category thing. seriously. stupid shit excites me.

Monday, February 27, 2006

praying to the ikea gods

it's quite possible that i might love ikea more than i love target. nah, let's not kid ourselves. but i must give kea of i the props it deserves. there is nothing like getting a kick ass living room table for $24.99 when all the fucking ones at target were no less than $99 dollars. i forget how much i love that store, until i walk in it. it is heaven. the stuff is CUTE and CHEAP. just how every man likes his women. who cares that it takes you 20 hours to build the damn thing you just bought.. and nevermind the fact that the boxed piece of furniture is too freaking heavy to carry by yourself, much less get off the shelf without praying to god the damn thing doesn't crush you on its way down. i wonder how many people have gone unnoticed, bleeding to death, in an aisle a mile long under a box too heavy to move? what? it could happen!
all of that aside- ikea is god. oh yeah.

Friday, February 24, 2006

good times at costco

first of all, i must note that i'm writing this blog from johnnie & katie's house. you know, because it's probably the last time i'll be doing this...since they're MOVING and LEAVING US and all. you know, MOVING AWAY. not down the street, but down to southern california. you know, WHERE I JUST CAME FROM??? okay, i'm straying from my point.
costco.
good lord.
so there i am, minding my own business in line.. waiting to buy my 400 dollars worth of crap for work... when all of a sudden there is a giant ASS in my face. i'm not talking donkey here.. i'm talking about a HUMAN, MALE ASS. the freak in front of me in line has suddenly felt the need to stretch while waiting to check out. grab the ankles, ass in the air, hold it for counts of 1000, stretch. who the fuck does this?!?! i mean, seriously. it took all my self control to not boot him in the ass and watch him plummet to the ground while i laughed hysterically. oops, did i do that? well maybe you shouldn't STRETCH AND GRAB YOUR FUCKING ANKLES WHILE YOU'RE IN COSTCO YOU FREAKING DORK! i am surrounded by granola loving, excercise freaks. fuck excercise. and fuck granola. i hate em both.
all this ass stretching almost made me forget about the other thing i experienced in costco today. you know how a childs laughter is the sweetest sound in the whole world? well it's not if your laugh sounds like shit. this little girl would not stop laughing. and normally, this wouldn't bother me, cause kids laughing is really cute ..... but this girl had a laugh that made your skin crawl. it was so bad that i actually glared at her mom. i mean, you know if your kid has a shitty laugh or not.. make it stop!!! but noooo, she was just sitting there laughing along with her, thinking her kid was the cutest thing in the world. moms are in such denial sometimes. i think blake has the best laugh in the world, but that's because he does. and i'm not in denial. he can laugh circles around that dumb girl. ha!
okay, this blog has gotten too long and i blame johnny and katie for laughing at everything i type as i type it. katie just told johnnie she won't be his friend anymore because he's sitting too far away from her. i'm going to go save their marriage. super jenn- keeping love together, 1 relationship at a time.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

1 down 2 to go

blake tricked me. he asked me all happy and funny like, if i was the one who put the candy in the eggs at easter time. since he was so fucking smiley face about it, i said yes. i mean, why lie anymore than i need to, right?? well that was a mistake! he was hysterically crying and saying overly dramatic statements like, "how come everything i believe in ISN'T REAL??!" and "i am so stupid for believing in something that was never real!!!" and he was mad that he believed in the easter bunny, when the easter bunny was "scratching my back right now!" which meant, it was me. which made me laugh. which made him mad. all of this has gotten me thinking WHY i told him there was a stupid bunny in the first place? i mean, couldn't i have just said all along that i put candy in your eggs and hide them around the house? i mean, what harm is there in that? one less "lie" to deal with later, right? maybe i told him that because it was FUN FOR ME. not to lie, but to be the easter bunny. *sighs* well let me tell you this much- his reaction has left me no choice but to tell him forever that the freaking tooth fairy and santa are as real as i am! i don't care if that stupid fairy isn't big enough to hold your tooth and/or carry money around. the bitch is magic, and you just don't question magic things! and santa? i'll tell him that fucker's real until i die.

love is

not killing the person sleeping next to you as he snoozes his alarm clock every 5 minutes for an entire hour.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

who asked you?

what is it with complete strangers and their unsolicited advice for your life?!!? i wear the billboard (the engagement ring) and suddenly everyone and their dog feels the need to give me their opinion on everything from how many people should attend my big day, to what to do with the money instead of spending it on a wedding. i've gotten all sorts of advice on why everyone who has a big wedding, ends up in divorce. well maybe you dumb whore, he divorced you because you were a cheating slut, NOT because you had a big wedding versus a smaller one. and besides, who the hell asked you people? it's like when you're pregnant- you've suddenly gotten this "TOUCH MY BELLY" and "TELL ME ALL OF YOUR MOST HORRIBLE PREGNANCY AND BABY STORIES" sign on your fucking forehead or something.

Saturday, February 18, 2006

mom of the year, right here

blake's new baseball coach called tonight and we were discussing how much we dislike a certain after school care program in this city. you know, the one both of our kids go to. so he suggested that i stay home, open a day care and watch all of our kids.
"i don't even like my own kid enough to stay home with him all day, you want me to stay home with yours too?"

shopping brings us together

"i've been to the mall of america!"
"um.. cool."
"twice!"
"uh huh.. that's great."
"what? it's really cool!"
"that's great.. really."
"why are you being so mean????"
"well what the fuck are you talking about the freaking mall of america for?!?!"
"oh. well i just watched a show on it."
"well maybe you should tell me that BEFORE you start randomly talking about some fucking mall!"

i mean seriously. what guy just starts blabbing about a freaking mall for cripes sake?!?! the same guy who won't go near a tampon, that's who.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

this shit should be illegal!

where in the hell have i moved to?!?! well, it's obviously nowhere near hell because then it would at least be warm. i am not made for the cold. you saw the pictures of me in the snow in a tank top!!! i had ice on my car this morning folks- I C E. like, real.. wouldn't come off... i could make a snow cone outta the shit, ice! i bet it's like 85 degrees in LA today. *cries frozen tears*

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

PROFESSOR POOPYPANTS!

blake is reading the captain underpants series. please, don't ask. i'm just thankful he's reading.
it does however, give me a ridiculous amount of joy to hear fits of laughter coming his room at night when he's reading one of the books. not only is he reading. on his own. alone. in his room. but he's actually getting it. you don't laugh if you don't get it. orrrr, maybe you do.



blake: MOM!!!!
me: what?
blake: mom..*laughing*.. mom..*giggling* mom come here!!!!!
me: *groaning* fine. what?
blake: the teacher in this book! *snickering* his name is peepee poopypants! PEEPEE POOPYPANTS!!! but the peepee part is his middle name!
me: *fits of giggles*

*insert PROFESSOR PEEPEE POOPYPANTS being repeated a thousand times here, and not just from blake* i'm so mature.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

dear treadmill

while your cousin, the stairmaster, is most assuredly NOT my friend.. you however, are. i especially love the way the whole gym floor feels like a moving conveyer belt after i get off you. all this working out is a sure sign the apocalypse is coming. or britney and justin are getting back together.

rough night

first, some background on our friends johnny & katie. katie is from the same city down south (in so cal) that i'm from. and johnny is from the same city up here that boyfriend is. i got the call from katie last night that they're moving back down to southern california. soon.

that was it. i started crying last night and i couldn't stop. it's not just that our only married friends are moving most likely to my hometown to start a family. it's not just that. but it's a big part of it. first of all, i don't want them to go. like, i really don't want them to go. but a part of me is envious. that they're going to move back to where i'm from and i feel like i don't even have that option. not that i even want it at the moment, but for some reason- that's totally not the point. i was explaining to boyfriend last night that i needed to do this. i needed to have this emotional breakdown. cause i haven't had it since moving. it's been 6 and a half months and i haven't had a really good cry about all of it. i left my job in a kick ass company that i still love, adore and care so much about.. i moved away from my sister, niece and nephew.. and i left the city i grew up in and loved to raise blake in.

and let me tell you, i'm apparently not done with the whole tears thing. my boss just brought me flowers for valentine's day and i started crying again. she told me she had her "leaving LA breakdown" 3 weeks after they moved here. she didn't stop crying for 24 hours. so i figure i have about 20 hours left.

Monday, February 13, 2006

the stairmaster is NOT my friend

anyone who knows even the slightest bit about me knows that, I HATE EXCERCISING! junk food- GOOD. working out- BAD. seriously, i hate it. loathe it. it bores me. it's stupid. and sometimes i'd just rather be fat.
obviously, not today though. i worked out. please, write this date down in your notebooks friends; it more than likely won't happen again. my legs feel like jello and i'm surprised they can hold this ass up one more minute. i want to die. at least if that happens, boyfriend can't kill me for drowning his cell phone yesterday.
see, there's always an upside.

um.. that's not supposed to be in there

while putting the clothes from the washer into the dryer this morning, i saw something sitting at the bottom of the machine. i stared at it for a minute and thought, "oh shit." it wasn't my imagination. it really was in there. i started to laugh a little. possibly only i would do this. most likely, not. ah fuck. i can't just leave it in there. i can't pretend i don't see it and continue to fold clothes, can i? so i reached in.. and pulled it out. boyfriends work cell phone. let me rephrase- boyfriends DEAD work cell phone. do we bury it?

Sunday, February 12, 2006

who needs the right leg anyways?

so, we went out tonight (please keep the "omg jenn, it's 2:07 in the morning and you are ON THE COMPUTER POSTING THIS BLOG" comments to yourself, thanks).. and i was dancing my ass off... because, well, that's what i do. so me, katie and emily are on the dance floor, shaking our asses to some crazy rap music i've never even heard before (i think i'm getting old) and then my freaking right leg feels like it's going to die. like, "if you do not stop dancing and putting all of your ghetto booty weight on me, i am going to make you fall on your ass in the middle of this dance floor" type of death. it was killing me. so i start thinking to myself, self- put your weight on your left leg. you must do this, or you are going to fall. simple right? apparently not. i couldn't fucking do it!!! i tried so hard to put the weight while i was dancing on my left leg, and it was like, "fuck you jenn!" and back to the right leg my weight would go. so there i was, dancing through the pain.. thinking i was going to freaking lose it at any second. i was just waiting for my right leg to give out from under me. it would have. oh yes, it would have. but we stopped dancing.
and then this is where the man with 1 arm grabbed me and i told him to keep his fucking handS off me. i am going to hell for that one.

Friday, February 10, 2006

stop this ride, i want off

"the part of 7 year old blake, will be replaced by a snotty, full of attitude, 15 year old version. thank you for your understanding."
i feel like that's my life right now. some sort of play. you know the kind where they switch characters right in the middle of it all, and think it will be okay because they apologize for it. all of a sudden, my sweet, good mannered, super sensitive, 7 year old has been replaced by a snot mouthed, attitude ridden, shithead. and what do i blame it on? i mean, is this just normal behavior? or is it because of all the changes we've had recently (moving, new school, new house, new friends, living with boyfriend, etc)? i wonder if i can blame his new "friends" for some of it? he surely never talked this way before... or acted this way consistantly. i don't know. maybe he's just not happy. he told me last night he misses our old home. hell, i miss our old home for him. i think i miss his old friends more than he does. *sighs* baseball will start soon. hopefully that will change things. hopefully that will help things. cause if this is the road we're heading down- and things don't get better... i'm going to have to sell him to the highest bidder. i can always use the cash.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

lost.. get lost

is it just me, or does lost really suck ass this season?!?! i mean, seriously. what the hell was up with last nights episode? so now sawyer has all the guns. whoop de freaking do. why? and what for? and WHAT IS THE POINT of all of this?!?!! i really miss the intensity of last season's episodes. i miss DYING after each show because i was left with more pressing questions i wanted answers too, and couldn't bear to wait another whole week to find out! last season was just AMAZING episode after amazing episode. and this season just sucks. i almost don't give a shit anymore why they're on that freaking island. i hate the "tailies" and only care that bernard lived (you know, rose's husband), and we haven't even seen him since they met up with the fronties and middlies. there are still unanswered questions of course- but the difference this season is...... i don't care anymore about having them answered. step it up lost creators. get your shit together. you're slippin.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

just stop this insanity

i can't even read this whole fucking thing without wanting to puke. i can't even read this whole thing, PERIOD. fuck it, i can't even get past the first few lines.


12+ MONTHS AND PRIOR
Begin envisioning your wedding -- formal hotel or friend's loft? Backyard barbecue or exotic beach?
Decide on a budget and hash out who's contributing.
Pick your preferences for a wedding date and time, and finalize after okaying with important guests, location, or officiant.
Begin interviewing wedding consultants (if you'll have one) and/or start asking family and friends for local wedding vendor recommendations.
Brides: It's never too early to begin thinking about your gown. Start by figuring out what style will look best on you.
Start interviewing caterers.

9-11 MONTHS
Scout out reception sites.
Start looking for an officiant who suits your style and spirit.
Book your reception site as soon as you see something you love that’s available on your date.
If you're having an engagement party, set a date, draft a guest list, and purchase your invitations.
Begin working on a preliminary wedding guest list and decide on your wedding's approximate size. Request lists from both sets of parents and create your own wish list.
Get organized! Start a notebook/file folder to house all your wedding-planning paperwork in one place.
Choose your bridesmaids/groomsmen and ask them to be in the wedding party.
Find a ceremony site if one hasn't been determined by your choice of officiant or reception site.
Hire a consultant (if you're having one) and sign a contract.
Contact newspapers to announce your engagement (you may need to have an engagement photo taken as well).
Decide on a caterer. Hash out a rough price per head and begin working on a menu.
Choose a color scheme, if you so desire, taking into account the decor of the rooms/areas you have reserved for your ceremony and reception.
Brides: Begin looking at pictures of gowns online and in magazines.
Brides: When you've found some gowns you like, head out to the stores to try them on.
Start investigating any ethnic customs or cultural traditions you might want to incorporate into your ceremony or reception.
Finalize the guest list.Knot hint: When you’re done, make your life easy by entering everything into the Guest List Manager.
Sign your caterer contract and send in a deposit.
Start auditioning reception bands or DJs.
If you've chosen an outdoor ceremony or reception site, look into tent and lighting rentals.
Set up appointments with various florists to discuss options.
Decide on and meet with your officiant to discuss ceremony structure and any religious requirements (such as counseling).
Interview and get price lists from several photographers and videographers.
Book reception band or DJ, sign the contract, and send a deposit.
Brides: Narrow down your gown choices and make a final decision.
If you plan to use frequent flyer miles to travel to your honeymoon destination, book your flight now.

6-8 MONTHS
Start looking into registering for gifts.
Request demo tapes from ceremony musicians.
Think about how you might want to wear your hair.
Begin looking for a baker to make your big-day cake. Your caterer is the best source for leads.
Reserve photographer and/or videographer, decide on a package, sign contract, and send deposit.
Brides: Start shopping for bridesmaid dresses.
Choose your florist and send a deposit to reserve their services.
Make sure your maid of honor and best man are aware of what you expect of them -- providing a list of their duties will help.
Register for your wedding gifts, and don't forget to include some choices appropriate for your upcoming bridal shower or engagement party as well.
Set aside blocks of hotel rooms for out-of-town guests.
Brides: Decide on the bridesmaid dresses.
Purchase and send save-the-dates to out-of-town guests, or to all guests if your celebration is over a holiday weekend or at a faraway locale.
Book a baker, choose your wedding cake design, and send a deposit.
Brides: Collect necessary measurements from attendants or pass along vender information so that they can order the dresses themselves.
Brides: Order your gown. Make sure you've asked all the critical questions and your order contains the correct information.
Book ceremony musicians and send deposit.
Start planning the rehearsal dinner. Provide the host with contact information for your attendants and any other guests.
Start working on your invitation wording and design.
Finalize your invitation wording.
Finalize menu and service details with caterer.
Order your invitations and announcements (don't forget plenty of extra envelopes).
Research and purchase wedding insurance, if necessary.

4-5 MONTHS
Decide on a floral scheme, choose flowers, and negotiate prices with florist. Be sure to sign a contract outlining what you agreed upon.
Start thinking about flower arrangement styles you like, and figure out what flowers will be in season on your wedding day.
Grooms: Decide what style of formalwear you will be wearing.
Reserve tables, chairs, and/or other rental equipment you'll need (unless caterer or site is taking care of it).
Book a calligrapher (if you are using one).
Grooms: Start looking to buy or rent tux, suit, or other formal attire.
Book rehearsal-dinner site.
Grooms: Start planning your groomsmen's attire: Tux or suit?
Book hotel room for your wedding night.
Compile packages for out-of-town guests with hotel reservation and city information, and mail them out.
Grooms: Decide on your groomsmen's attire.
Book your honeymoon flights (if not using frequent flyer miles) and make all your other travel reservations.

2-3 MONTHS
Pick out or design a ketubah or other marriage contract required by your religion.
Brides: Choose your bridesmaids' accessories (shoes, gloves, etc.) and either purchase or pass along purchasing information.
Grooms: Give all of the groomsmen the information they need to buy and/or reserve their attire.
Shop for and purchase wedding bands.
If you haven't registered yet, be sure to do so before any upcoming prewedding parties.
Brides: Experiment with your beauty routine, self-tanners, and facials.
Consider specific ceremony and reception decoration needs like a huppah, aisle runner, etc.
Schedule portrait session if you need one for a newspaper wedding announcement.
Make or buy favors. Allow extra time for custom-made favors (i.e., chocolates in a preprinted box).
Brides: Make sure your attendants have purchased their dresses and accessories.
Pick up your invitations.
Talk to your maid of honor and best man about party plans (such as the shower and bachelor party).
Get anything you need for an international honeymoon (passport, birth certificate, visas, vaccinations, etc.).
Brides: Buy any special lingerie your gown requires in time for first fittings.
Grooms: If you are renting a tux, visit the formalwear shop to get measured.
Start taking better care of yourself (eat right, exercise) so you look and feel great on your wedding day.
Start addressing invitations or drop them off with the calligrapher (you'll need to send them out at the two-month mark).
Talk to people you’d want to do special performances or readings as part of the ceremony.
If you are handling the bridesmaid dress order, confirm the delivery date.
Brides: Confirm delivery date for your gown and schedule fittings.
Arrange for all insurance policies to include you and your future spouse: health, auto, homeowner's, and life insurance.
Send wedding bands out to be engraved (make sure they'll be back in time for the wedding).
Grooms: Choose and buy any accessories you will need: shoes, shirt stays, cuff links, and a pocket square.
Brides: Provide guest list to bridesmaids for your shower.
Brides: Begin your fittings.
Arrange wedding-day transportation for you, your wedding party, and guests (as needed).
Send out invitations (be sure to add extra postage for overseas guests).

6 WEEKS
As you receive presents, be sure to update and/or add items to your registry list and record the gifts you get.Knot Hint: Enter gifts and who sent them into your guest list manager for easy access.
Confirm reservations for out-of-town guests.
Arrange parking for the reception.
Order liquor, wine and/or champagne if they're not included in the catering contract.
Brides: Decide on and purchase major accessories (veil and shoes) prior to final fittings.
Begin working on vows, particularly if you're writing your own.
Begin writing the ceremony program if you are having one.
Arrange for a babysitter for the reception, if necessary.
Submit your wedding announcement to newspapers (if you so desire).
Research local marriage license requirements.
Buy a guest book (and nice pen).
Set aside some time to write thank-you notes for gifts received at the bridal shower.
Make an appointment to take the veil to your hairstylist and make sure your current do and veil work together.
Grooms: Attend your bachelor party (and be sure to thank the best man afterwards).
Grooms: Buy gifts for your best man, groomsmen, and ushers.Knot Hint: Check out our selection of gifts for guys.
Brides: Buy gifts for your maid of honor and bridesmaids.Knot Hint: Check out our selection of gifts for girls.
Finalize vows.
Brides: Attend final wedding-gown fitting.

3-4 WEEKS
Send rehearsal-dinner invitations.
Do trial runs of hair and makeup; schedule wedding-day beauty appointments.
Finish and print ceremony programs.
Get marriage license and make appointments for blood tests (if necessary). Check when the license expires.
Work on a list of "must-play" (and "must-not play") songs for your DJ or band.
Discuss music with ceremony musicians and agree on final choices.
Confirm wedding-night and honeymoon reservations.
Wrap all gifts for the wedding party and write each attendant a nice note.
Brides: Shop for all additional accessories like stockings, earrings, evening bag, etc.
Have a follow-up meeting or phone call with the officiant to go over ceremony timing and details.
Pick up wedding rings and check the inscriptions before you leave the store.
Make sure your homeowner's or renter's insurance covers your rings and gifts.
Sit for your bridal portrait, if you decide to get one.
Do paperwork for official documents if you are changing your name.
Work out wedding day timing and details (who will get the bride there, where the wedding party will dress, etc) and draw up a schedule.
Brides: Get final prewedding haircut, if necessary.
Brides: Make sure you have your garter and "something old, new, borrowed, and blue" if you want to include these customs in your wedding.
Call or email wedding party to relay critical info related to rehearsal and wedding (dates, times, directions, duties).
Brides: Pick up your gown.
Get a head start on those thank-you notes (it will feel great to get a batch out before the wedding).
Finalize any special preferences, readings, or other ceremony details (in writing) with your officiant.

1-2 WEEKS
Give final head count to the caterer. Confirm set-up instructions and menu items.
Brides: Pick up the veil and/or headpiece.
Call location manager and make sure your vendors all have access to the site when they need it.
Confirm head count, delivery time, and location with the cakemaker.
Plan a party or go out for cocktails to thank your attendants for all their help.
Brides: Practice walking in your wedding shoes.
Call guests who haven't RSVP'd for the wedding and rehearsal dinner. It’s okay to do this, you need a final head count!
If you're having a receiving line, determine the order you want everyone to stand in.
Determine any wedding day assignments for members of the wedding party, and make lists/info sheets as needed.
Start putting together the seating plan if you're having a seated reception meal.
Finalize seating chart. Buy materials for and make place cards (give typed names to the calligrapher if you're using one).
Confirm delivery locations, times, and final arrangement count with florist.
Touch base with your officiant and give him/her rehearsal details and wedding day schedule.
Grooms: Pick up your tux and try it on. (Don't wait until the day of to do this!)
Prepare your toasts or thanks to friends and family.
Give seating chart to caterer, location manager, or host.
Fax transportation providers a schedule and addresses for pickups on wedding day.
Plan any additional night-before activities with friends and/or attendants.
Grooms: Get your final haircut.
Confirm all final payment amounts with your vendors.
Shop and pack for honeymoon.
Confirm location, date, and time with videographer.
Confirm location, date, and time with photographer; create your "must-take" photo list.

DAY BEFORE
Rehearse the ceremony with officiant and wedding party.
Confirm all specific honeymoon travel plans (including transportation to airport, etc.).
Give wedding announcements to your honor attendant to be mailed on the wedding day.
Brides: Pull together wedding gown, veil, shoes, stockings, and a last-minute emergency kit (aspirin, makeup, safety pins, mints, etc.).
Have fun and relax at your rehearsal dinner.
If your wedding is in the a.m., set your alarm and arrange for a backup.
Get some much-needed sleep -- if you can!
Drop off favors, guest book, and pen at the reception site.

DAY OF
Set aside a private moment together after the ceremony to exchange gifts and a sweet congratulatory kiss (or two).
Confirm with people who you expect to give/lead toasts at the reception.
Take a moment to thank your parents and tell them you love them -- this is a sweet but sad day for them.
Relax, smile, and enjoy the day!

DAY AFTER
Mail gifts to your parents to thank them for their help and support, if you didn’t give them out at the rehearsal dinner.
Make sure all vendor bills have been paid in full.
Arrange for gown and veil to be cleaned and preserved. Make sure the provider is experienced in preserving wedding gowns.
Within two months of your wedding, set aside some romantic evenings to write that stack of thank-you notes.
Take any personal film to be developed. These will probably be the first photos available since professional proofs can take weeks.Knot Hint: Check in with your photographer to see when your photos will be online. Email your online album to family and friends.
Arrange for a bridesmaid or mom to pick up your wedding dress and other personal belongings at the hotel after you depart.
Take the bridal bouquet and other wedding mementos to be preserved, if you're a true sentimentalist.
Find out when you can expect your edited wedding video (if you used a videographer).
Freeze the top layer of the wedding cake to be eaten at your first anniversary celebration (save some cocktail napkins, too!).

dear wedding

you are a pain in my ass. fuck me, there are a billion stupid details that go into this freaking day. not to mention money. but money aside, THE DETAILS. good lord, the details. i realize i'm a virgo and i'm totally prepared to deal with all of this crap- but i fear i might go insane first. this wedding could quite possibly kill me.
  • the food
  • the drinks
  • the cake
  • the photographer
  • the dj
  • the minister
  • the centerpieces
  • the flowers
  • the candles
  • the stupid invitations
  • the chairs (please don't get me started on these fucking chairs)
  • the location
  • the people we are inviting, then cutting off the list, then adding back on, and so forth
  • seating arrangements
  • worrying about others, when it's all about us dammit
  • my dress (which is lovely and quite perfect and about the only thing i don't have to worry about... well except getting fake boobs to fill it out.)
  • the favors
  • the gifts for people
  • did i mention the flowers?

*jennster has died during the writing of this post*

just let me pee in peace!

for the fucking love.. EVERY SINGLE TIME i go to pee, my phone rings. without fail. i sit to pee, i hear it ring. so there i am, trying to piss super fast so that i don't miss the stupid phone call, which can so obviously wait until i'm done, but noooooo- there i am, yelling to myself "hurry up, it's going to go to voice mail soooooon!!!"
i think this is what being a virgo does to me. so fucking organized, i can't even miss a phone call. not even for the sake of the pisser.

guilty as charged

the guilt of being a mom is never fucking ending. no one ever warned me, "jenn, you will feel so guilty for choosing to pee instead of watching him count his lego's that you won't be able to sleep at night." i wouldn't have believed them anyways. so let me be the first to tell you, childless women, THE GUILT IS OVERWHELMING. seriously. who knew you'd feel guilty for not wanting to play that last game of uno? just because you've already played 5 games, why can't you play one more? WHY? because you just want to relax. you just want to spend some time by yourself. you just want to lie in bed and veg the fuck out in front of your favorite show. so you go to do that. and then it hits. you're wracked with it. "is this show really more important than playing uno for the 15th time with blake?" you question EVERYTHING. every decision, every choice, every fucking thing. it is seriously a wonder how all mom's do not go mentally insane. now, i don't think there's a damn thing wrong with wanting and needing time for yourself. hell, i think it's the most healthy thing you can do. you have a favorite show, watch it. you want to soak in a hot bubble bath for 2 hours, do it. BUT, you'll feel guilty about all of it after. most likely, during. and it's not really something you ever get used to. so the point of this post? i don't have a fucking clue. maybe it's to have y'all relate to me and tell me that you deal with the same things. give me some normalcy. make me feel sane. lord knows i feel insane enough on a regular basis............ but in the fun way.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

so this is what compromise means

instead of looking at the new releases section in blockbuster, we're in the comedy section- by the old movies. you know, the ones with the jacket covers so faded, you can barely make out any colors at all. and when i sneak away to look at new releases, and find myself panting and drooling at the one i want real, real bad...i show him and he shoots me a look that says, "not on your life woman" and we carry on.

he has gotten better at this whole movie rental thing though, so i have to give him some credit. i've gotten him to sit down and watch 3 movies i really really wanted to see WITH him (and he liked them.. A LOT). see guys, that's the thing. we want you to watch certain movies with us, not because we enjoy torturing you (although that's a plus), but because it's something we want to share with you. because there is something in this movie, that we want you to pick up on. either, it's the fact that you suck (just like the main character does) and you're going to lose us (just like the main character does) if you don't shape up... or it could be that we're so fucking smitten with noah from the notebook that we want a love story like that for our lives.. or the love story in the movie already reminds us of our relationship, and we're hoping you see that too. hell, with a woman, it could be any number of things. so that's why we beg you to watch "chick flicks" with us. the torturing is just a bonus!

thank you dooce chick, for being so terrifyingly open

while i love the dooce chick's blog.. it's a semi new formed love. smart jenn told me about her a few times, and i would read a blog or two and laugh, and be on my merry way. mostly because her blogs are just too fucking long, and sometimes i have the attention span of a fucking gnat. while reading today however, i came across her archives which chronicle her ongoing battle with depression. oh.my.god. i highly suggest that anyone who has had to battle with that disease, read her shit. you will never feel alone again. and to all of you who have felt that way, or who currently feel that way- i truly feel for you and can't even begin to imagine what it must be like to live that way day after painful day. tell tom cruise to eat shit and you get yourself some meds dammit.. and get em good!

i also suggest that anyone who has never even fathomed, or given a thought as to what it would be like to feel that way, read these posts (especially THIS one). from depression to post partum depression- this shit is not a joke folks. god, it is SO real. and it is terrifying. i am almost in tears as i sit here at work, reading her posts that talk about her inability to sleep, her inability to stop crying, the overwhelming feeling that takes over her entire body and makes her unable to even think about everyday things without losing it. it is heartwrenching. plain and simple. and for a woman who hasn't had to battle with anything even remotely close to this *knocks on wood* it is a scary thought. fuck that, it is a TERRIFYING thought. i don't ever want to feel like that. i pray to the goddess that i don't have to go through post partum when boyfriend knocks me up. i pray i never have to go through 20 different kinds of medication to find the ones that actually work on me. i pray i never have to go through anything even close to this mentally. but if i do, i know i won't be alone. i'm sure it won't help at the time.. but it helps now.

Monday, February 06, 2006

nothing but support here

boyfriend: "baby, you are insane."
me: "but i'm funny!"
boyfriend: "you're just lucky."

tagged by russ! fuck.

for some reason, i thought i escaped this blogging madness and i was LMFAO @ everyone who was being so obediant and participating in the "blog about 4 things." i knew i laughed too soon! CURSE YOU RUSS!

Four jobs I've had:
1. video rental chick
2. marketing assistant
3. casting associate
4. kick ass assistant

Four movies I can watch over and over:
1. the notebook
2. a walk to remember
3. practical magic
4. american wedding

Four Places I've Lived;
1. where i grew up, so cal
2. san jose, nor cal
3. fullerton, so cal
4. current, unnamed location, nor cal

Four tv shows I love:
1. LOST
2. one tree hill
3. gilmore girls
4. veronica mars!

Four Places I've Vacationed:
1. hawaii
2. orlando
3. nyc
4. nawlins

Four of my favorite dishes.
1. pizza with ridiculous amounts of cheese
2. stuffed shells.. with, once again, ridiculous amounts of cheese
3. chicken- pretty much done anyway
4. dark chocolate. a whole dish of it.

Four sites I visit daily:
1.the forum
2. dooce
3. yahoo
4. theknot

Four places I'd rather be right now:
1. at home in bed with boyfriend
2. the beach
3. at a really yummy restaurant getting ridiculously full
4. watching blake play baseball

Four bloggers I'm tagging:
1. becky
2. tara
3. penguininthesun- ha! see what you get for being a random reader? LOL
4. tina

dear dyson

i really really really really really really really want you. like, REAL BAD!!!!!!!! why do you have to be a $500 dollar vacuum?! WHY? because you're THAT good, that's why. i want you. even though you are like the freakiest looking vacuum on the face of this earth, i still want you. who else accepts you this way? you're ugly and weird, but i promise to love you for as long as you suck my carpets clean. yeah, my love has conditions. you suck well, i'll love you. you stop sucking, i stop loving. i'm all about fairness. come to mama.

on our way to spousal abuse- sweet!

i like to beat up boyfriend. you know, when he smacks my ass hard enough that it leaves a hand print, i like to punch him. hard. in the arm. so yesterday, he takes a swat at me that sends pain through my entire ass (for those who know me, that's a big area). up i went, with my ass numb & tingling, chasing him around the kitchen- trying to so hard to punch him in the arm, while he's running away from me laughing and blake is sneaking up behind me smacking my booty more and laughing (it is SO not fair when the 2 of them team up on me).. and then FINALLY! i get him! i turn to punch him with my left hand (cause it has miss sparkles on it, so it will hurt more HA!) and i pull back and go to wail him once super hard
and......
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..... he blocks it.

*looks down at bruised and swollen wrist*

this would never have happened if he would just let me hit him. take it like a man!
NOTE TO BOYFRIED:
WHEN I GO TO HIT YOU, LET ME.


the end.

Saturday, February 04, 2006

blogspot hates me

i'm getting all these comments that people are posting sent to my email, but they aren't actually SHOWING up on my blog. fuckers. i'll just post them here dammit, because the comments are half the fun of the blog! :)
  • i swear someone commented here that they were reading my blog and don't know me. it came in my email, but it's not here. to them i say- YOU FUCKING ROCK! and thanks! --Posted by jennster to jennster :o) at 2/04/2006 10:58:26 AM
  • didn't make him cry. curse my honesty. i CAN'T LIE!!!! --Posted by jennster to jennster :o) at 2/04/2006 10:57:19 AM
  • Viva Las Vegas Baby! There's nothing more romantic than Elvis, with a pelvis shimmy, declaring you man and wife.Plus, it went so well for Brit-Brit. --Posted by Melissam to jennster :o) at 2/03/2006 05:09:09 PM
  • Rest in comfort that I am religiously reading your blog and really do not know you... --Posted by Mel to jennster :o) at 2/03/2006 09:06:43 PM
  • oh crap..wth did you do? --Posted by toots to jennster :o) at 2/03/2006 09:37:01 PM

who's raising a good man?

I KNOW, I KNOW! *raises hand* it's either that or slave labor.










































ps - i didn't even ask him to help.. he offered and then just started scrubbing. this kid rocks i tell you. even if he smashes his hair down from wearing his hat too long and won't smile toothless for the camera.

Friday, February 03, 2006

just kill me now

i really need to work on my inner censor. and possibly brush up on my knowledge of what our upcoming guests have worked on in their career. rob has just given me a rule to live by while entertaining artists at work; "if you love something, tell them! if you don't like something, don't share! especially if they worked on it jenn!!!!"
i swear this shit would only happen to me. just bury me now. i am so mortified.

when i grow up

i want to know that a ridiculous amount of people, most of whom i don't even know, are reading my blog.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

maybe it's the pms...maybe it isn't

i just started planning our wedding and i already understand why people say "fuck it" and just get eloped.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

a conversation between friends

jenn: i just hate the flowers all over them
jenn: who the hell wants flowers all over their cake?!
toots: LOL..the one i like has too many flowers..but i like the basic look of it..nice color
jenn: so many of those cakes have the fondant frosting, or whatever the hell it's called
toots: and lol..i like flowers on cakes!
jenn: and they use it cause it's easier to decorate with- cause it's a firmer texture or whatever
toots: right
jenn: i think it looks like shit. LOL. it doesn't look like it tastes good at all! it looks hard!
jenn: we'll have buttercream i think
jenn: boyfriend and i will fight about the cake i bet
jenn: he likes weird shit
toots: the one i like is buttercream!
toots: lol
jenn: why do couples get like lemon inside?!?!?
jenn: that is nasty!
jenn: who the fuck wants a lemon filled cake?
jenn: and EVERYONE does it
jenn: has some nasty ass filling in there
toots: LMFAO
toots: omg
jenn: dude, if there is going to be a filling INSIDE the cake- it had better be chocolate
jenn: or at least something yummy!
jenn: not lemon
jenn: fuck lemon!
toots: LMAO!! you're funny
toots: omg
jenn: or raspberry!
jenn: gross!
toots: LOL @ fuck lemon!
toots: ewww..now that's especially nasty
toots: here is the cake i like
jenn: are you supposed to eat that cake, or is it the fucking bridal bouquet?!?!?
toots: You are just evil!! HEY! I did say it has too many flowers..but it's still pretty, dammit!!

little man

blake: mom, do i wear tighty whities?

me: why?

blake: because elijah said that tah wears tighty whities. and elijah wears boxers. and since i wear the same kind as tah, does that mean i wear tighty whities?

me: yes.

blake: well i don't want to wear them. buy me boxers, k?