Friday, October 20, 2006

the guest list

why does everyone just assume that their kids are invited to the wedding?

why do people who haven't had a serious girlfriend/boyfriend for years assume that they can bring a date? if you aren't in a serious relationship, then you don't get to bring a date. sorry, but when mommy and daddy aren't paying for the wedding, i guess you're a lot more mindful of just where exactly the money is going. i'd like to think that even if my parents were paying for the wedding (just the thought of that at my age makes my stomach turn) i'd still be mindful. no bringing dates for the sake of bringing a date. not on my dime.

and if one more person "jokes" about me paying for their hotel room for the weekend, i'm going to rip all of my fucking hair out.

34 comments:

Kristin said...

We had children in our wedding (little flower girl and ring bearer) and while they were cute, I didn't want them at the reception... or any kids for that matter... so we arranged for a babysitter at the hotel... the room had a small garden and terrace and they were given carte blanche for movies and room service... so what happens? One of the grannies goes and gets the kids... at like 10 o'clock and trots them in to "dance".

Ugh. Even now it still isn't cute!

Melissa said...

I hear you as we payed for 85% of ours. People think they are being sooo funny, but they really aren't. And while we had a few kids at ours, they were all over 10 years old. It makes eloping seem better and better.

There should be a sign that says, leave the bride alone or she'll kill your ass and bury the body. Want me to make you one? You can hold it up when people are making their stupid jokes.

Dana said...

I had a huge Polish Wedding, that my parents and in-laws helped pay for because that's the tradition in my family.

We had 400 families in attendance which is like 1200 people in the course of one night.

I can only say that if I had to do it all over again, I would have eloped.

mothergoosemouse said...

My parents paid, and we were still quite mindful. It was a formal evening wedding, relatively small, and we loved it that way. Everyone should feel free to celebrate their wedding day as they see fit - not as how others think they should.

denise said...

I think "family" children might be okay at the wedding only. Ive noticed someone always brings their toddler to the reception gets drunk and assumes everyone else will watch their children. this is unacceptable, offensive or not its YOUR wedding and you get to make the rules. And im with Melissa, leave the bride alone or die in a horrible firey pit of death.

j fo said...

i think children at wedding, the reception anyway is very annoying and should be avoided at all costs

except bonk because he rules

seriously though at graceann's wedding the children were running around inbetween the tables like lunatics

carrie said...

If the invitation doesn't say "So & So and family" or "So & So and guest" it is common knowledge not to ask or assume you can bring a date. Get babysitters, people!

Good luck with this Jenn, I know the wedding etiquette crap can be stressful.

Carrie

Anonymous said...

"kill your ass and bury the body" that is so something Jenn would say it isn't funny. This is your day Jenn. Invite who you want and do it exactly as you and Point want to do it. If someone is hurt, they need to get over it. There or not, everyone should be celebrating the wedding of two people who love each other so much it gives you a tooth ache. You are going to have a great time. We didn't have kids at our wedding and I think the parents were grateful. It was like a date night and a celebration at the same time. Adults need to party too, sans kids.

Anonymous said...

...and for God sake, you haven't given people enough notice to save up for and reserve a hotel room???? Truly, they need to get their act together.

Stephanie A. said...

We only invited the flower girl and ring bearer to the wedding and reception. Several people in my family actually boycotted my wedding and refused to come, but seriously, when you're rocking out all night, who wants to worry about kids. And not that we had an ultra-fancy wedding, but the place was nice enough that it would have cost us dearly if any damages had happened.

What it boils down to is what you want. You're paying, you're getting married, you two decide. When someone picked apart my choices I would joke and say, "Oh, and are you going to pay for the DJ (or dinner or whatever) then?" That usually did the trick. Good luck.

alison said...

Everybody always has their two cents about everything, but like everyone else said here, it all boils down to what you and Point want. It's your wedding and you're paying for it---invite who you want. Besides, as the mother of two little ones, I am so overjoyed that kids are not invited...the freedom!!!!!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!

Lisa said...

We only invited children if they were related. And people complained to me about their kids not being invited. I'm always so very happy to leave my child at home and go to a wedding. Its a night out! So the wanting to bring the kids boggles my mind!

What pissed me off was that we had about 30 people who said they were coming and didn't show. Then they didn't even apologize later or really ask how the wedding went. THAT pissed me off. Because hello! Your food, drinks, and whatnot weren't cheap.

Anonymous said...

Um, your wedding, your day, your rules

'nuff said...

DDM said...

Ruuuuuun awaaaaay. This is why http://flickr.com/photos/74668004@N00/209832529/
My husband and I had a huge wedding 10 years ago. It was a big party, it was a lot of fun, we paid for it all and it was SO STRESSFUL. If I were to do it again, I would go the beach ceremony route. But that's just me. :-)
I think you should have a baseball hat printed with 'I'm The Bride. I will cut you. Now what was your question?'
In a past life I was a wedding planner. If you need any help, e-mail me. *Mwah*

Suebob said...

A lot of people are so paranoid about going anywhere solo that they assume that they need to round up a date so as not to look like a loser. But what is more loserish - coming by yourself or coming with someone who doesn't really want to be there and only came because they hope to get laid?

Beth said...

But ster. I thought I would come, I'll bring my toddler and baby, and I fully expect a big ole suite at the nicest hotel on your bill. Totally.

Eileen said...

As a single person, I go by what the invitation says. If it says "and guest," great. If not, I know I'm solo. Does everyone not know that?

gwendomama said...

people have no standards for etiquette anymore, the dumbfox!
makes you want to reduce the guest list, eh?!
just don't be superrude - after our first child was born, my 'hubs' got an invite to his ex's wedding. but not me - since we were not 'officially' married. just together with children. ARCK!
no he did NOT go.

metro mama said...

I didn't include guests on the invites for our small wedding and got some flack for it--stick to your guns! I did, and i'm glad.

theotherbear said...

I had an entire branch of the family not come to my wedding because they wanted to bring their children and I said no. I had to make it very clear because the last wedding they went to the invite said only the two parents names, and the dad turned up with his rottenly behaved child! The mum stayed at home!
So stick to your guns.

Anonymous said...

I'll second Domestic Chicky's response.

Blogger's being a HAB, so I have to post anonymously.

Finelly

Becky said...

i sure as heck am not bringing hannah to your wedding. i plan to party and drink all your booze and have you pay for my hotel room ;) lol

j/k. i'm not bringing her though. why would i? i'd have much more fun childless...at least for YOUR wedding

Mommy off the Record said...

Grrr. the guest list. hated dealing with it.

i allowed my brother to bring a friend to my wedding and his friend brought both his parents and his three sisters (univited). You are right to be wary.

Anonymous said...

I said no kids at my wedding. My husband had 17 cousins under 15 and I didn't want to pay for them. Also, my sister had young kids, and I didn't want her to bring them, because I wanted her to be able to enjoy herself at my wedding. I don't actually think kids belong at weddings if they are under 12. As for dates, I made the rule: if you are not in a serious relationship, then no dates. Or, if I have never met the person, then s/he is not coming.
Ack, weddings! People are unbelievable.

Meg said...

Tell me about it! We invited The Hubby's boss and his wife to our wedding. They ended up bringing their FIVE children! Aaaagh!

So, I can sympathize. Especially since it costs so damn much to feed/accomodate for all of those extras. I really don't know what to tell you to do, but if you really don't want children there, I'm sure you can come up with a way to get that point across. We had to get really mean with our guest list, but it all turned out fine.

And I also learned that some of the people that RSVP won't even show up. Bastards. I should've billed them for it.

Mike said...

Where's my damn invite!! WHORE!! Maybe I'll just show up with my 1 year old uninvited!!

Virginia Belle said...

dude, i never assume stuff like that. i pay close attention to the fine print on the invitation:

Virginia Belle and Guest means i can bring my boyf/fellow single girlfriend. if the words "and guest" are not on there, that means just ME.

and i would never assume that kids are invited, unless the invitation is addressed to "The Belle Family" or whatever.

sorry people are so clueless, ster. they should know that you are the ones paying for everything and y'all are not made of money. how rude.

i hadn't really thought about parents liking it that way so they can have a night of fun. makes sense. see--one more reason not to allow kids--your guests actually might prefer it that way.

i also say stick to your guns.

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