Tuesday, October 24, 2006

enough with the goodbye's already

i can't handle reading another goodbye from a blogger. there have been SO MANY goodbye posts in the past month or so, it's almost overwhelming. but i think i'm jaded, because i immediately read those, and don't believe them. far too many people post these long, drawn out goodbye's, only to come back the next day. there is one particular blogger who has posted that they will stop blogging at least a handful of times (since i've been reading)- only to post again within the hour, almost every single time. it's like a dammed vicious circle with this person. life is too hard. i'm stopping blogging. i can't stop. i'm back. *rips out hair*

all of this stems from my message board. i've seen this behavior before. people want to leave the forum, so they post these goodbye posts and then they get a million comments and emails from people begging them to stay. and so they stay. and then when the message board life gets too rough again, here comes the "i'm leaving forever!!" post- which really means, "i'll be back tomorrow!"

so that is why when i read posts from bloggers saying they're leaving forever, my gut instinct is, that they're not. and then i wonder why they posted anything like that in the first place? for the sake of my sanity, please think about why you're doing this. if you're thinking about stopping blogging- then take the time to think about it. don't post that you're leaving, and then think about it. think first. just leave your last blog post up while you weigh the pro's and con's of blogging. if everyone gets concerned as to why you're not posting- they can email you. right? right. once you've actually made a decision in regards to your future and blogging, then post about it. i mean, if you feel the need. because that's the other part of this. half of me wonders why people post that they're leaving, while the other half of me totally understands why they do it. but why do people post and leave their comments open? do they want to get hundreds of comments begging them to stay? do they need the reassurance that they are liked? do they need one last ego boost? but if that has nothing to do with why they're stopping, then it makes no sense to me. i guess if i was to stop- i would most likely post something about it. i would feel like i owed the people who read this blog an explanation as to why i was stopping, or taking a break, etc. or maybe i would want to post why i was stopping for myself. i'm not good with leaving things open and unanswered. but i like to think that i would close the comments.

i don't know. maybe i'm being way too bitchy about all of this. it's just that i'm not good with feeding people's ego's when they need them fed. and sometimes i wonder if that's all those "goodbye" posts are.

please note that when it's a genuine goodbye post from a writer i enjoy reading, the sadness that comes with that is real. and i also understand that sometimes we post those goodbye's and mean them at the time. and then we come back because we realized that we made a mistake and leaving wasn't what would make us happy. i know that every situation is different and every individual is different as well. i guess my whole point is to not jump on the "goodbye forever" bandwagon without truly thinking things through. my heart can't take it.

24 comments:

ali said...

oh my gosh. i SO heart you ;)

Anonymous said...

I know what you mean and you are right. Take the time to be sure it's what you want to do before posting about it. However, I can sympathize with the people that post their 'goodbyes'.
I think I'm going to post about this and you WILL recieve credit for giving me the idea.
Come see my thoughts on it later.

Blogger is being a bitch, so...
Anonymously,
FinellySpinelly

Becky said...

oh i hear you. i hate that crap. and it also stems from the boards. i've read so many sorry good bye posts and then they're back in a week. whatever.

jen said...

I personally have taken a "break" from time to time...but not cuz readership was down or what have you. I just truly felt like taking a break from this thing! :) Of course...they can be a one day break...or an hour. It always seems that once I say I am taking a break...I come up with a thousand things to post! I have never said goodbye though...yet...cuz I don't want to say goodbye...yet. ;)
But the long meandering goodbye messages with "I thought you liked me" put in there...UGGGHHHHHH!

Mega Mom said...

This better not f'in be about me b/c I was just thinking about posting :) Oh, and me and the kids are all set for the wedding as long as you spring for the hotel room.

God, you left yourself open, I can't help myself lova.

Melissa said...

I get that, I do. I do get sad though when people really do go away.

I tell people when I'm going on vacation, but if I was really leaving, I doubt I'd say it unless I wasn't planning on coming back. Then I'd just take the dam thing down. Now I did say I was taking down the secrets site, but I didn't...but um...sorry. ;)

Stephanie A. said...

It all boils down to one word- drama.

Stepping Over the Junk said...

I am totally laughing because i hate that too and when I stopped blogging over the summer, I just deleted my blog and didnt really tell anyone because I genuinely needed a break to deal with some things. I got a few emails from some folks that cared and i responded, but I dealt with my stuff and then started up again with a new blog. The drama is annoying when people are like "I'm no longer blogging" and then the next day "ooooh, okay, since you missed me so much". For me, I missed writing because it kept me creative and real and fun and I logged my kids' journey better than when I was not blogging!!! I enjoy the bloggers I have met and read though. (like you)

Beth said...

On message boards, that happens a lot! I usually roll my eyes at it, cause its so dumb!
I agree though, it is usually an ego boost thing, at least that's what i've concluded!

Shannon said...

I've posted about taking a blog break because I had nothing to blog about, but only to come back the next day because I had stuff to blog about....stupid stuff, but something to write about nonetheless.

I read through some of your other posts and just wanted to say that I love the word FUCK. It eases tension when I say it and even when I write it...it also creates mood and gets a point across, IMO :) It's a very versatile word, LOL.

alison said...

Are you angry about something?

Mom101 said...

I'm with you 100%. Maybe this is really bitchy, but it sort of reminds me of needy women threatening to break up with their boyfriends just so he can tell her how much he loves her and wants her to stay.

I appreciate how ZeldaFitz, formerly one of my fave bloggers resigned. One day there was a post saying that she's devoting more time to writing and see ya.

It was perfect. I still miss her.

Tracy said...

That's how I feel about singers that go on a farewell tour, hailing it as their last, only to perform again.

margalit said...

Oh you have SO said what I've been feeling. I think for me it goes well before any forum or boards, way way back to Usenet when people would yell "I'm outta here" and slink off in a huff, only to come back a day or two later after a bunch of "OH NO, come back, I'll miss you!" responses. I do think it's mostly ego, so when I read these "goodbye" posts I usually never respond. I much prefer the people that leave a blog behind and set up another one with a clean slate. One of my blogrolled blogs has done this several times when she's been down in the dumps.

I don't mind if people decide they can't take any more blogging or that it's interfering with their family life, but please, shut down the comments!

Mike said...

One of my daily reads also is leaving. She doesn't know for how long. It does suck, but everyone has to do what's best for them. Hopefully we'll see them again.

Kristin said...

Which is why I turn off my comments when I am going to do nothing but bitch and rant over fuckery emails and anonymous comments.

There are a lot of people leaving...

Anonymous said...

cntd from above comment...

and probablee because they have found that they have an actual life and realize writing about their every burp and fart is a bore ... love to all you pen pals

denise said...

I hate that! its like people who act all upset and depressed so you'll say "ohhh, what's wrong?" so that they can tell you their little drama queen improv. Dont head trip me Im an adult. and dont say your going just so people will stroke your ego, if your going say goodbye and go, if your not then shut the fuck up and post something sincere.

Lisa Goldstein/Kelly Kelly said...

I was just guilty of doing this very thing because my blog partner said she didn't want to continue. So I thought the whole point of our site, "Women" Having It All was lost. It was supposed to show the two different women's lives (single-fab-career vs. married-with-kid). Then I realized how much it meant to me personally to continue.

I wish we would have handled it differently in retrospect. But it was a process, and made me see how committed to the blog I am. The feedback was totally unexpected, very encouraging and it truly helped me see I could continue alone. I was also struck by the feeling I could not let down people who actually read the site. (people actually read the site????!!!??)

I guess I'm still kind of a newbie blogger. I didn't realize that was such a common thing to happen.

But in hindsight, I agree with your advice completely and wish we both had read this post before it all happened. It all seems so high school girl drama now that it's over. Sigh.


Oh Well,
Lisa

Lisa Goldstein/Kelly Kelly said...

One thing I would disagree on though... As a reader of blogs, I would like to know if a blogger truly plans on ending the blog. That way I don't go and continue to check the site like an idiot and wonder what happened. I have to say I would truly feel abandoned. If someone just erased their site one day without a word, I would feel very let down. That seems like the wrong approach too. I think it wouldn't respect the people who spent time reading the bloggers words.

That's why I thought when our site was ending, I owed some sort of explanation. I feel like it is a relationship.


Lisa

Meg said...

I know what you mean. I'm so tired of reading this things. I always feel sad about it, then get pissed that I even wasted that little emotion when they are posting the next day!

Grrr.

Neil said...

It should be like renting an apartment. You get two weeks notice and then your keys are taken away and the lock is changed.

Izzy said...

I posted about my blogging malaise but say goodbye? Never! When I leave, there will be NO goodbyes. You may recall in San Jose...I HATE goodbyes!

So who are you talking about? C'mon. Whisper it in my ear!

texas math said...

The first couple of times I wrote farewell posts...I sincerely meant it...it was either because I was extremely busy and didn't see my schedule changing anytime soon or I was getting laid on a more regular basis....but then I quickly got bored or found a story that I HAD to share with the people that I've been sharing my stories with.

Now, when I write a farewell post...its mostly out of sheer comedy ...or I'll write a post of how I was thinking of stopping but I end up pledging to come back in full force...which of course doesn't happen.

In fact, I was thinking of posting a blog on this subject (which I might do right now) but with a different twist.