remember when i got unasked to be a bridesmaid? i didn't realize it at the time, but i think that in being unasked to be a bridesmaid, i was kind of unasked to be a friend? i put a question mark there, because i don't truly know. i want to chalk it up to her just being busy with the wedding, honeymoon, and wanting to start a family... but what if it's more than that?
i'm questioning this now because i was talking to one of our mutual friends and she brought up the bachelorette party. and i was like, "what bachelorette party???" and it hit me right then and there, that i wasn't included in things anymore. i didn't even think about her having a bachelorette party. it didn't even occur to me (although it should have). and suddenly, i've become the friend who hears about things second hand, and sees the pictures only after the event has happened.
i felt bad knowing that she had this really fun party and i wasn't even asked to be a part of it. it's true that i most likely would not have been able to attend, but that isn't really the point. is it? because even though her and i aren't as close as we used to be- i would always think to include her in what i'm doing. if i have a bachelorette party, it wouldn't even occur to me to not invite her. regardless of if she could come or not, i would definitely extend the invitation. and it just made me really sad to know that i'm no longer given the same courtesy.
i'd like to think that i'm reading way too far into this. it just hurts that i don't feel like i'm a part of her life anymore. and certain things catch me offguard- like the party. because i knew nothing about it, and suddenly there were these really fun pictures that i was seeing and laughing at and loving... but still, knew nothing about. i guess i just felt left out. and it never feels good to be the one who's not included.