Sunday, September 24, 2006

pity party for 1

remember when i got unasked to be a bridesmaid? i didn't realize it at the time, but i think that in being unasked to be a bridesmaid, i was kind of unasked to be a friend? i put a question mark there, because i don't truly know. i want to chalk it up to her just being busy with the wedding, honeymoon, and wanting to start a family... but what if it's more than that?

i'm questioning this now because i was talking to one of our mutual friends and she brought up the bachelorette party. and i was like, "what bachelorette party???" and it hit me right then and there, that i wasn't included in things anymore. i didn't even think about her having a bachelorette party. it didn't even occur to me (although it should have). and suddenly, i've become the friend who hears about things second hand, and sees the pictures only after the event has happened.

i felt bad knowing that she had this really fun party and i wasn't even asked to be a part of it. it's true that i most likely would not have been able to attend, but that isn't really the point. is it? because even though her and i aren't as close as we used to be- i would always think to include her in what i'm doing. if i have a bachelorette party, it wouldn't even occur to me to not invite her. regardless of if she could come or not, i would definitely extend the invitation. and it just made me really sad to know that i'm no longer given the same courtesy.

i'd like to think that i'm reading way too far into this. it just hurts that i don't feel like i'm a part of her life anymore. and certain things catch me offguard- like the party. because i knew nothing about it, and suddenly there were these really fun pictures that i was seeing and laughing at and loving... but still, knew nothing about. i guess i just felt left out. and it never feels good to be the one who's not included.

38 comments:

mothergoosemouse said...

Jennster, I'm sorry. I actually know just how it feels - having been asked and unasked, but then I had to organize the bachelorette party. Nobody else stepped up.

I won't even go into what happened at the wedding, but suffice it to say - don't participate in the bouquet toss. No good can come of it.

And I had once been close friends with both the bride and groom. Neither one ever contacted me again after the wedding.

alison said...

You don't need this girl, anyway, Jenn. I know it hurts and it sucks but honestly, don't give her another thought. Who has time for her games?

tAnYeTTa said...

call her.

Kristin said...

I have to say, I can't imagine a bachlorette party without you... those are some dumb girls because, quite frankly, you strike me as the life of the party!

I know how you feel... it totally sucks to be left out and maybe this is a wedding you should just send a nice gift to and spend the day doing something nice for yourself (massage?)... women can be so mean-spirited... it's why we don't run the world.

Chin up, blondie... her complete and total loss.

Becky said...

awww i know the feeling. first hand. and it sucks. i know. i think in this situation in her unasking you she sorta did unask you to be her friend. as petty as it sounds. it COULD just be that she knew you probably wouldn't be able to go but youre right- thats not the point. i'm sorry hon.

Suebob said...

Aw, that stinks. As some others said, if I had an opportunity to party with you, I would certainly take it since you are the most party-licious.

I would call her just to get things straight. If she doesn't want to be around you, I would hope she is big enough to own up to it, though that kind of thing is always hard.

I have had a couple friends I stopped contacting and I am pretty sure it hurt both of them and I don't know what I would have done if they called me and I talked to them. Knowing me, I might have wimped out and said "Oh, no, nothing is wrong" because I am a loser that way.

In both cases it wasn't anything specific they did, just little things added up over time that I didn't see any way around, other than asking them to totally change their personalities. So I took the coward's way out, because what was I going to do, call them up and say "You know, I really just can't stand your personality?"

Though if someone said that to me, I would be hurt but on the other hand, I could really see their point since I annoy the hell out of myself, too.

Mommy off the Record said...

I can't imagine someone not inviting YOU to the party. I remember when my long time friend didn't ask me to be one of her bridesmaids (even though she had been one of mine 4 years before). It wouldn't have hurt so much, except that she had SIX bridesmaids so I didn't even make her top six. It's a sucky feeling. I know. It's actually on my list to blog about at some point.

Anyways, you have SO many people who love you, Jen. Remember that.

wendy boucher said...

Jennster - for what it's worth, you would be at the tippy top of my invite list if you lived anywhere within striking distance of a party I was hosting. She's the one who missed out.

cj said...

I am so sorry. If she is your friend then give her a call and ask to spend sometime with her, and bring it up. I am sure there are many things in life I've over looked as a friend and I would feel horrible if I hurt one of my friends and they didn't tell me about it. If its not a relationship worth keeping walk away.

chris said...

well if i ever get divorced, and then decide to get married again, and then have a bachelorette party... you are SO on the top of my list.

It does stink when people you think are friends treat you like that. I have one "friend" who planned this HUGE birthday party for her husband and son who are born in the same month. She talked about it for months to me. She invited over 100 people, but didn't invite me or my family.

When I finally got up the guts to say something about my missing invitation the day before the party she said, "There is just too many of you to invite."

So 100 people in her backyard with tents, clowns and a bounce house for the kids, but she couldn't have 8 more.

Waya said...

That is very sad. I feel the same, at least extend the invitation and see if you can go or not. Something must have happened for her not to extend an invitation or asking you to be part of the wedding party. So sorry to hear that.

Eileen said...

Totally sucks. I know the feeling.

And I absolutely hate bouquet tosses, especially since I'm still single and getting older. Don't make me catch no stupid bouquet.

Random Musings Of My Life said...

Jenn I am so sorry to here this.
And yes I was hurt too.
When I desided to get married I told all my close girlfriends that I was not having bridesmaids (the reason being is that the year before between the hubby and I we had been to 7 weddings he was in 2 I was in 2) and it was just too much to ask of anyone I did not "need" to have all my girls in the same dresses ect.
Anyways to make a long story short one of my girlfreinds was REALLY offended and never spoke to me again. NEVER.
And then I was invited to be in one wedding (and accepted) but because I had SO many commitments (that same summer) because I was 20 minutes late for the bridal shower (I of coarse called to make sure all was well and everything taken care of (I did not plan it) I was unasked.
It hurt.
I was offended.
And somehow I "assume" my invitation was lost in the mail.
Because i never even got an invite.
I look back now and think it was a good thing it all happened.
I offered to be there and she did not nore want me there.
I think I am still a little upset, take it all with a grain of salt

Kentucky Girl said...

:( Sorry that your friend crapped out on you like that.

Petite Mom Blogger said...

I'm sorry you had to go through this. I know how you feel. I think most of us do. It's no fun that's for sure.

Mike said...

The fact that your "friend" would ask you to be in the wedding, then ask you not to be, is weird in itself. Someting is wrong with her. Just try to move on. All you need in your life is Point and Blake.

Jenn said...

That totally sucks. So IF you have a batchelorette party (which you should TOTALLY HAVE BTW), will you not invite her now?

norcalgirl28 said...

Jenn, a lot of the above people are braver than I was. My best friend was planning her wedding for almost a year out. I was to be the matron of honor. No showers or parties or dress decisions had been made, it was just always said that I was the matron of honor. She got mad because I planned my son's first birthday party for the day they were moving. She got all of our mutual friends to help her move, they evidently don't have minds of their own, instead of go to the party. About a week later I get an e-mail from her mom that ends in..."can you believe it? see you New Year's Eve" Well, when I put two and two together and confirmed it with a friend of ours, I found out they had planned a wedding at the house, for New Year's Eve and we weren't even INVITED, let alone was I the matron of honor. When I get hurt, I put up walls. We didn't talk for almost two years, and we still are not close at all!!!!! I am sorry you are going through this hurt. When is the wedding?

Lisa said...

If that woman doesn't invite you to her bachelorette party, she's missing out! I wish I would have known you 7 1/2 years ago when I was getting married. I would have PAID for you to come out to mine!

Jamie said...

I don't know any of the background, but something that is a possiblility is I know for my wedding I had no contribution into my shower or stagette. My wedding party and friends did all the planning and inviting and I was just told date, place and time. It is possible that your actually friend would have included you totally, but the people that planned it for her were the ones that excluded for whatever reason.

Elizabeth said...

I'm so sorry, honey. I've never ever even been asked to be a bridesmaid, not by my cousins or friends or anyone, so I'll join you briefly in that pity party.

Okay, now that's over. If I were you I would call the friend and say "Hey, I heard you had a bachelorette party, how was it?" Just to tel her know that you still think of her even if she hasn't been thinking of you.

Elizabeth said...

I'm so sorry, honey. I've never ever even been asked to be a bridesmaid, not by my cousins or friends or anyone, so I'll join you briefly in that pity party.

Okay, now that's over. If I were you I would call the friend and say "Hey, I heard you had a bachelorette party, how was it?" Just to tel her know that you still think of her even if she hasn't been thinking of you.

russ said...

Is she the sister of the waitress you called a whore? ;p

kim said...

I know how ya feel Jen :( sowwy

Lisa Goldstein/Kelly Kelly said...

any one who knows you in real life, as opposed to blog life and doesn't invite you to a party is a total crazy person. you strike me as one of the funnest people ever.

She's got issues. maybe she thinks you'll upstage her with your awesomeness?

No idea.

I am often the friend who hears abuot stuff from other friends ever since I had a kid. My kidless friends never think to invite me anymore. wah!

Lisa

Jenni said...

I agree with someone else said... don't play her game. Sorry this had to happen, but move on to some new friends. This was a pretty crappy thing for her to do.

norcalgirl28 said...

...and don't you so hate it when you hear something from someone else? I stand there and listen politely and everything inside me is so hurt and feels like crying.

Stephanie A. said...

It's so crummy of her to do this to you. Clearly you're the type of person who can handle someone approaching you to say, "Hey, I'm upset with you."

If she can't communicate her feelings to you, maybe you're better off without her. What she doesn't realize is that she's worse off without you, though!

Stephanie A. said...

Ugh, blogger!

As I was saying, you totally rock and you don't need someone who can't even communicate her problem with you. How rude!

Melissa said...

Ster, I'm sorry. That sucks ass. What seems weird to me is that she never bother to say anything to you. At least be honest.

And I'm with Kristin, I can't imagine her party will be fun without you. Try not to let her get you down. You obviously don't need her in your life.

Anonymous said...

I'm with Tanyetta. Call her. Find out what's up. I mean, if you want to salvage the friendship.
Sorry you went through that.

Kristen said...

I was unasked to be a bridesmaid too, but really it was after I stepped back and let go of the friendship. It still never feels good. I'd tell her how you feel. Friends can be honest with one another.

jen said...

Fuck her. She's an idiot and doesn't deserve one more thought. Wipe her from your mind sista...go have some cocktails with your ladiezz and let it go.
That said I am also sending you (((((HUGS))))) and a mafia friend of mine to ya know...take care of her and all. ;)

spidey said...

Dude, that is just not cool. She should have invited you even knowing that you couldn't come. Not cool at all. :(

Meg said...

I'm with Alison on this one. This girl is just playing games. But that still hurts, I know. I've had such things happen to me before and I sit there trying to figure out what is so wrong with me. But what I want to know is who would not want YOU at a party? You're a crazy bitch and you always seem to be the life of the party!

Meg said...

I'm with Alison on this one. This girl is just playing games. But that still hurts, I know. I've had such things happen to me before and I sit there trying to figure out what is so wrong with me. But what I want to know is who would not want YOU at a party? You're a crazy bitch and you always seem to be the life of the party!

Virginia Belle said...

dude, that sucks. and it's kinda rude, too, to "unask" and then not invite you to at least the bachelorette party. regardless of whether or not you can go, inviting you would have been the polite thing to do. i'm sorry to hear this has happened.

if it makes you feel any better, i think stuff like this happens to everyone. my story? My friend Leah is from Rhode Island, so she went up there to have her wedding. beforehand, she told me and another friend (Tiffany) that her wedding was small and she felt bad asking us to book a flight, etc. she told us she wasn't inviting anyone from SC, since it would just be too much to ask. we said fine, and we totally understood. we were thinking it was just family attending the wedding.

fast forward about 3 months. a mutual friend throws a local wedding party for leah's SC friends. so i buy a wedding present and go. and they play the wedding video at the party.

how about TIFFANY AND I WERE THE ONLY PEOPLE IN THE ROOM WHO WERE NOT IN THE VIDEO???

i was so pissed i almost took my wedding gift for her and walked out.

looking back, i probably should have.

Virginia Belle said...

besides, she's obviously a moron if she doesn't want to party with you.

i don't even know you and i want to party w/you!!!!!!!