but i'm glad that 9/11 is now yesterday. instead of tomorrow. or today. there is something about the build up TO that day that just fills me with so much anxiety. oh my gawd, it's one week from today. or.. it's in 2 days. or.. it's tomorrow. it's like this countdown that is filled with so much overwhelming emotion and heartache. it's still hard. 5 years and it's still something i can't comprehend. it's still something that breaks my heart. it's still something that shakes me to my core. sometimes, i feel too much. i actually breathed a small sigh of relief this morning knowing that "the day" was now behind me.
work didn't matter after that day. it didn't hold the importance that family did. that love did. that your fellow neigbors did. hell, that your fellow American's did. day in and day out for months, i questioned the importance of it all. what did my job matter? what did it do for anyone? did it save lives? what was its purpose???? how can my boss want me to set up a meeting about ESPN, when right now.. WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT ESPN?!??!?! and if they DO give a fuck about espn, good god, WHYYYYYYY????
and now, five years later, the fact that we all go to work on 9/11 and conduct ourselves as if nothing happened, makes me sick. it's business as usual and something about me hates that. because on that day, 5 years ago, it was anything but. i don't forget easily. i get affected by things, and it's hard for me to get UNaffected. and i just don't understand why sometimes, i feel like i'm the only one.