boyfriend, blake and myself went camping this past weekend. but when i say "camping" i don't mean we went to like a fun campground with all sorts of activities and people to play with, etc. i mean, we went C A M P I N G. like it took hours to get there off any road that mankind even knows exists. in the truck, not by walking (just to be clear). which is totally fine.... but apparently it's only fine sometimes.
i don't know, i just don't know. i'm wracking my brain trying to figure out what my problem is. we go offroading and we camp in random, non campsitey places. but i like when we do that. maybe it's because we're with lots of people when we do that stuff? maybe it's because blake isn't always there with us? i don't know, but i'm going crazy trying to figure it all out!! i mean, i grew up going camping. but when i think about it- my family's version of camping was tahoe in the winter and yosemite in the summer. and if you've ever been to either, you know that they're not in the middle of nowhere, with nothing really to do. camping for me as a kid meant i would go on a 6 hour horseback ride one day.. play in the river everyday.. meet tons of friends.. take the shuttle bus all over yosemite.. get ice cream at camp currey.. hang out in the local store and get shredded beef jerky (i loved that shit).. go swimming in the pool.. hike to waterfalls.. ride my bike all over.. and all of these were done with tons of other people. there were real bathrooms with toilets and showers... sure they were full of bugs and spiders, but still.
the only reason i'm even talking about this is because i am feeling so damn guilty. i didn't love where we went camping this weekend. it was a very remote area and the only things to do were either play in the river or go on the quads. and while that sounds plenty fun, it's only fun for so long. maybe i was supposed to just enjoy nature and relax? but i can't relax when i have a kid who needs to be constantly entertained and has way too much energy to just "chill" and do nothing. i feel guilty because boyfriend LOVES this kind of shit. he lives for it. he probably could have stayed in that remote piece of dirt for weeks. and i was totally ready to go home after the first night. and that sucks. i mean, not for me- but for him. it sucks that something he loves so much, i'm not that into. i guess maybe i don't like remote camping? maybe i like camping in campgrounds with lots of other people and kids for blake to play with and lots of activities? maybe i enjoy camping when it's not really "camping?"
i just want boyfriend to still love me, even if i don't love to do everything he does. i want it to be okay if i don't want to go camping sometimes. i want him to still want to go for himself since he loves it so much. i realize that he wants to share it with me, but if i'm going to be annoyed that i'm getting a ridiculous amount of bug bites and irritated because i'm tired and the altitude is making me naseous- i would rather stay home. because i don't want to be that girl. that girl who acts like a girl. that girl who even annoys me. it's times like those, that i think he'd have more fun if i wasn't there.
so tell me- what do you and your significant other do without eachother? or do you love all the same things and share everything together? *pukes*