Monday, August 14, 2006

when did i turn into such a girl?

boyfriend, blake and myself went camping this past weekend. but when i say "camping" i don't mean we went to like a fun campground with all sorts of activities and people to play with, etc. i mean, we went C A M P I N G. like it took hours to get there off any road that mankind even knows exists. in the truck, not by walking (just to be clear). which is totally fine.... but apparently it's only fine sometimes.

i don't know, i just don't know. i'm wracking my brain trying to figure out what my problem is. we go offroading and we camp in random, non campsitey places. but i like when we do that. maybe it's because we're with lots of people when we do that stuff? maybe it's because blake isn't always there with us? i don't know, but i'm going crazy trying to figure it all out!! i mean, i grew up going camping. but when i think about it- my family's version of camping was tahoe in the winter and yosemite in the summer. and if you've ever been to either, you know that they're not in the middle of nowhere, with nothing really to do. camping for me as a kid meant i would go on a 6 hour horseback ride one day.. play in the river everyday.. meet tons of friends.. take the shuttle bus all over yosemite.. get ice cream at camp currey.. hang out in the local store and get shredded beef jerky (i loved that shit).. go swimming in the pool.. hike to waterfalls.. ride my bike all over.. and all of these were done with tons of other people. there were real bathrooms with toilets and showers... sure they were full of bugs and spiders, but still.

the only reason i'm even talking about this is because i am feeling so damn guilty. i didn't love where we went camping this weekend. it was a very remote area and the only things to do were either play in the river or go on the quads. and while that sounds plenty fun, it's only fun for so long. maybe i was supposed to just enjoy nature and relax? but i can't relax when i have a kid who needs to be constantly entertained and has way too much energy to just "chill" and do nothing. i feel guilty because boyfriend LOVES this kind of shit. he lives for it. he probably could have stayed in that remote piece of dirt for weeks. and i was totally ready to go home after the first night. and that sucks. i mean, not for me- but for him. it sucks that something he loves so much, i'm not that into. i guess maybe i don't like remote camping? maybe i like camping in campgrounds with lots of other people and kids for blake to play with and lots of activities? maybe i enjoy camping when it's not really "camping?"

i just want boyfriend to still love me, even if i don't love to do everything he does. i want it to be okay if i don't want to go camping sometimes. i want him to still want to go for himself since he loves it so much. i realize that he wants to share it with me, but if i'm going to be annoyed that i'm getting a ridiculous amount of bug bites and irritated because i'm tired and the altitude is making me naseous- i would rather stay home. because i don't want to be that girl. that girl who acts like a girl. that girl who even annoys me. it's times like those, that i think he'd have more fun if i wasn't there.

so tell me- what do you and your significant other do without eachother? or do you love all the same things and share everything together? *pukes*


Christina_the_wench said...

We knit together.

Yeah ok..NOT! Space is a good thing and I am first. Woohooo!

Mike said...

We do a ot together, camping included, but she shops alone and Play cards with the neighbors? I guess we pretty much do everything together.

*jumps back as vomit is projected at me*

Piece of Work said...

Lance goes skiing by himself. He loves it, and I can't stand the cold. When the kids are older, I'll go up with him and hang out and read by the fire or something, but right now there's no way I'm going up there to be stuck inside a condo with two toddlers and no toys. It's alright--it's nice to have different passions, as long as you do some stuff together too.

Melissa said...

Pukes...hahahaha....I won't make you puke I promise.

First I have to say, my parents idea of camping was the same as your parents. Although we did Mammuth a lot instead of Yosemite, although we went there too. Hell, my dad even has a pop-up-camper. I like that kind of camoing myself. I would not like remote camping.

Here's ours....Hubby likes to camp and fish with his boys...and also when they get older, I'm sure he'll take the kids. I could care less about doing that. Mine is going to Vegas, I love to go with my, hang out, sunburn....I'm am not really a drinker, but I like to go out and have a good time. I also don't mind gambling....Nick hates it. Despises it in fact.

Finelly said...

Well, if anyone does anything on their own, it's me. DH doesn't really care about doing anything w/out me. (And yes, that does drive me nuts a bit.) Well, I take that back, he does like to run alone. But that's pretty much it.
I get what you're saying though. I feel guilty when I go do my own thing w/out him, but ultimately, I get over it! I think time spent doing something you love, even if it is w/out your sig. other is a good thing.
Maybe you could find a happy medium??? Camping in a secluded area for him, but not far from people and fun things to do for you and your munchkin. Just a thought.

Kristin said...

omg... i am scared of people who do everything together... it's weird. hugh loves to fish and that is why he has that big ol' boat and he can head out and the crack of ugly and spend his whole weekend sitting in the sun waiting for some damn fish to come by and give him a thrill...

i go along for bay cruises and to host the occasional dinner party.

Jenn said...

LOLOLOL I was just about to post the same thing as Mike. We pretty much do everything together. And then....I *get out of the way while Jennster pukes on me*

HOWEVER, sometimes I think I like camping more than he does. LOL

Ya know what Jenn, I think it's kinda healthy to have something that you can go and do alone, as long as you don't have any guilt (or get any) about it. Mike and I should have more alone time. I think it'll grow on us and we will eventually. And it will be good.

Jenn said...

P.S. you never replied to my email! WHORE! =P

alison said...

I know it makes you sick, but we pretty much do everything together. Except the usual stuff--he refuses to go shopping and I can barely stand the sound of a football game on TV. So I shop a lot while he parks it in front of football games all weekend. And, of course, he runs and plays soccer with the guys.

Amy said...

My family did the same kind of camping growing up that your family did - only at Shaver Lake and Huntington (did you guys ever go there? LOVE THEM!!! Ice cream up at Shaver is the best!)

I love Tahoe, too, the best of all worlds (camping, casinos, etc. how can you go wrong???)

But, this other - out in the wilderness, kind of camping is so not my thing. If I can't shower, I get cranky. Ok, I turn into a flaming bitch from hell.

He goes off and fishes or bicycles without me... and I blog and shop without him. That's about it. I actually love to fish, just not with a two and half year old in tow, ya know?

We do a lot of stuff with the entire family and the two of us will sneak off for weekends every once in a LONG, LONG while.

Stephanie A. said...

Adam and I do a lot together, but he does hangout on XBox Live without me and I like to get my pedicures without him. Yeah, we do a lot together, but we were best friends first so obviously we had connections on other levels, too. But we do see our friends separately sometimes and yeah, are you puking all over this post yet?

Stephanie A. said...

Oh, and for the record, I never do any camping unless there's a jacuzzi and down comforter involved. One of the few ways I'm completely girlie.

Becky said...

uh yeah. remember when we were there? matt was "disappointed" in me that i didn't wanna hike more. i can't even IMAGINE camping like you just said. it makes me sick to even think about it. seriously. and matt hates that i dont like that stuff. and he wants to hike this appalachian crap and i wish boyfriend would go with him so i can stop hearing him whine about it. because i AM that girl. and i will whine if i'm being eaten up by bugs. i've never been camping nor do i really care if i ever DO go. and matt hates that i dont share that out doorsy interest with him but i just dont. and we're still ok. we sometimes DO bicker about it...but he's accepted that i dont like that stuff. just like, and i've told him this, accepted that he doesn't like to watch tv and get his nails done and blog. i made him see that we have different interests sometimes but that i still love him even if he doesn't like them with me so he has to love me even if i dont like ALL his interests.

wanderglow said...

I've heard somewhere that there are several stages of love. I don't remember all of them, but I do remember that you move from this:

"Oh my gosh! We, like, all the same things, and we want to be together all the time! And it's so cool that the things that aren't exactly the same really balance each other out!"

To this:

"I hate when s/he (insert your favorite rant). I would never do that. Why does he always have to (blah, blah, blah)?

To finally this:

"Yeah, he likes to go (insert hobby) with his friends. When he does that, I end up going out with the girls to (insert your hobby). And we've decided to try (new hobby) so we're taking a class together because we've both always wanted to do it for such a long time."

I think you are just entering in the land of that last phase...congratulations!

Melody said...

i camped like that my entire childhood. he did not. he will not. now, there are days when it's all family, all the time. but it's great when he's doing the geek computer programmer thing on his laptop, and i'm sittin' and knittin' and we're quiet, but together. if it ain't broke right?

mothergoosemouse said...

Your Yosemite trips sound like my idea of camping. And I HATE camping. But you might have swayed me.

Anyway. One thing Kyle loves to do that I hate hate hate is gamble. I HATE gambling. I'd rather camp than throw away my money. So I'm perfectly happy to let him go gamble without me. Rarely we go together, and I play nickel slots or read in the hotel room while he plays poker and has a grand old time.

kim said...

ughhh camping is so NOT me! I dont do bugs and I have to have showers and who wants bored kids ? ick
give me a hotel with room service and a view :)
my parents took us camping in a king size motor home and i got spoiled in the early years ... now hubby knows if he wants to rough it he better get one of the guys to go with him lol

Lisa said...

You've got to have your own stuff to do sometimes too. There's nothign wrong with that.

The thing we LOVE to do together is go to dinner, sleep, go to movies, go out with friends, travel. Like Christina the wench said, Space is a good thing...

Anonymous said...

camping in the dirt sucks, espically if it's hot and dirty. bug bites suck. Camping at the beach is way more fun!! It's o.k. do to things apart, then you have stuff to talk about

spidey said...

Jason plays sports without me, although he always wants me to come watch him! Um, I go visit my single friends in other cities without him (because why would he want to hang out with girls). Sometimes I wish he would do other active things with me that aren't organized sports or the gym, but when we went biking yesterday and he was bitching about his male parts hurting, I sort of wished I would have left him home! lol

I don't think it is that big of a deal that you don't like remote camping. Most people don't, including most guys. I just recently got Jason to realize that regular, campground camping is fun!

Meg said...

First of all, I went to vacations similar to yours as a child and that's the kind of trip I want Squeaks to be able to go on. The only time I like remote camping is if it's me, The Hubby, and our friends (read: no kids) and there is a lot of beer involved!

Honestly, we do a lot together. My best friend is married to his best friend, so even when we go out we're together! A lot of the time we'll split up so they can go do guys things (strip clubs, poker, etc.) while we go dancing and drinking somewhere else.

I don't think you have anything to worry about. Boyfriends is marrying you because he loves you. Your not wanting to wilderness camp with him is not going to change his mind. Maybe that is something that he and Blake can share as a bonding experience, while you stay home!

Lisa Goldstein/Kelly Kelly said...

That's sweet of you to want to do what he loves to do. I think maybe the circumstances of the trip weren't for you. But in other cases, you can camp with him and have fun.

My husband and I do lots of stuff together, but he loves to read and watch the Red Sox. I will peak in on the game, but do not sit there enraptured. So I will go off and blog or read blogs or read books, newspapers etc.


Kristen said...

LOL get ready to hurl. We do nothing separate. I know this isn't healthy but we are both jealous freaks lol. Plus, we don't get much free time, so when we have it, we want to spend it with each other. I know, we're sick.

Karl said...

I think you're making it out to be a bigger deal than it needs to be. I know - I'm an EXPERT at doing that.

Just tell the boyfriend your concerns. Tell him you're not into the Wild Kingdom sort of camping, but you enjoy the paved campsite areas more...or whatever. He loves you, I'm sure he'll get it. There have got to be things that you love and he's not that into.

And if he breaks up with you over such silly things, then come to me. Me love you long time.

Catherine said...

I'll tell you what we DON'T do together... LIVE. Hubby works 200 miles away from me, so we ARE pretty inseparable on the weekends where we can finally grope one another endlessly... HA! what a joke.

But seriously, I agree with Kristin... doing EVERYTHING together is kinda creepy.

DDM said...

We camp together, but on my girlie terms. Which means....we drag our 25 foot travel trailer with ALL the bells and whistles, rofl. So we get the dirt, grime, offroad stuff for him, and I get to go inside and wash off the muck at the end of the day. There's even a little bathtub in the bathroom for our son. I'm MUCH happier to camp now!
My husband is very outdoorsy and I was too, pre-child. So we met in the middle.
My husband hunts big game. I DO NOT. Nor do I go on those trips, I'd cry the whole time.
I ride horses. My husband DOES NOT. So those are our big separate activities. The rest we do together.

Kentucky Girl said...

Mr. Kentucky and I do a lot of things together and a lot of things apart. He is a Sea Scout leader so he's usually gone every summer for 3 weeks doing that.

I don't think we have to spend all of our time together, in fact, that would piss me right off.

BTW, I went camping ONCE. NEVER EVER AGAIN. We went to Tahoe. Yuk.

Staci said...

Oh god, don't become the couple that can't do anything separate...because that will quickly pull you into the club of "one of them cheated...cuz doing everything together just isn't right". Plus, you'd hate to admit that you're totally cool with him being around 100% of the time. :)

And I am SOOOO not a true "camper". My hubby just got me on my first "camping" trip at which I had 2 requirements...the cabin had to have AIR (I know, bust up laughing because THAT'S NOT CAMPING)...and there had to be a beach(ish type area) to hang out when I got sick of fishing. And I tell ya what, when it was 102 freakin degrees all the other campers melted to their sheets...I layed in bed laughing myself to sleep in my air conditioned cabin. :) HEE HEE

chris said...

Funny you should ask this today. My husband is away on a 10 day camping/staying in bad motels/flyfishing trip with his best friend. I have no desire to do ANY of those things, especially the bad motels ::shudder::

But it is okay and good I think for people in a relationship to have time apart with different hobbies.

Chantal said...

Together we watch crappy reality TV, movies, hike with the kids ... Lots of stuff.

Separate, I play soccer and he plays hockey. We also have some separate nights out, but those are mostly soccer or hockey related parties (or bachelor/ette parties!).

My husband works from home. I see him practically 24/7. Time apart is GOOD!

Izzy said...

The huz and I have shared interests and a few non-shared so we just do our own thing when the other isn't that interested. But I get where you're coming from. I come from a big boating family and frankly, I don't care for it. Being stuck on a boat in the middle of the fricken ocean is um...boring. As hell. And now that my pop isn't with us anymore, I'm kind of relieved that I don't ever have to be trapped on a boat ever again if I don't want to be.

I think if you explain to him that his way of camping is roughing it a little TOO much, maybe you guys can meet in the middle and camp somewhere closer to civilization that still has remote places to hike to and stuff.

But ultimately (take it from an old married lady), it's okay to not love all the same things. He'll still adore you. How could he not?


Miss Britt said...

My hubby and I just had a LOOONG "discussion" this weekend about my hatred for zoos and the State Fair. I hate feeling like I'm less human or something because I can't frolick in redneck heaven all day with a big smile.

Don't feel guilty Jennster... just be you!

sweatpantsmom said...

I'm with you - love means never having to say you're peeing in the woods.

My husband likes the remote scene, and I'd be estatic if they'd invent a campsite with wireless access and an underground mall I could escape to. So, every couple of years he gets his yayas by taking a backpacking trip with a friend, and we do camping 'lite' every once in awhile (car camping, at a designated site, with civiliation within cell phone range.)

We are SO different (a girl from the 'hood and a guy from the 'burbs) but our secret to 13 years of wedded bliss is we absolutely, positively don't do everything together.

sweatpantsmom said...

P/S I'm just catching up. Can't wait to read all your BlogHer tales. Please tell me you did something embarrassing.

sunshine scribe said...

We might be at the opposite extreme here. My hubby and I are the classic examples of "opposites attract". We have almost no interests in common. For a while we tried to do everything together. Now we do "family" stuff together with our son but have carved out our own independant interests too. It is good for our marriage.

Nikki said...

I have to agree with Christina - space is a good thing.

You don't have to do everything together.

Don't sweat it.

Damselfly said...

I love camping, but I have to tell ya, when my man wants to go to yet another exotic car show, I draw the line. Not only could I look at every car on display in 10 minutes (OK, 15) when it takes him 2 hours, but that's just it -- he looks at the cars, and I might as well be invisible. So why should I go anyway? Take a buddy and have fun. You'll show me pix on the digital camera for a half-hour anyway. :)

BW said...

I just bang her real good, wait till she falls asleep and then I go out and do my thing :)

Tina said...

Thankfully Neil or I really like camping. We've been once...and neither of us have ever brought it up again! Neil and I like to do lots of the same stuff. We both like to fish, but I'm more of a saltwater girl so if he wants to go freshwater fishing I'll just bring a book or work on my tan. He's a gambler, and I'm not so he'll gamble and I'll get a massage or go shopping while he spends all our money. I'm a football freak and he isn't, so he'll just hang out to drink the beer and poke fun at me while I'm standing on the furniture throwing shit at the tv. We're together most of the time even if we're not doing the same things, if that makes any sense.

Lotta said...

Camping with kids is a whole 'nother experience.

Camping before kids was relaxing, reading, drinking by the fire, nature sex.

Camping with kids is avoiding p-ivy, finding things to do and packing a whole lotta crap!

Don't think too hard on this one!

Plunky said...

Oh, see, I am the girl who can't camp. Hate it so I can't help you there. Good for me that Jason hates it also.

We do a lot of stuff together but Jenn, I have to tell you, he used to be an actor. All his friends were actors. So, for years, I had to go to every show they were in. Even if it was the worst piece of shitpoop I had ever seen, I had to sit through it. Oh and then tell them how good they were. At one point, I put my foot down. No, I was NOT going to go to anymore of his friends shows. It wasn't because I didn't like them or whatever but if I had to sit through one more, I was going to lose it. He goes by himself now. Sometimes he goes and then hangs out with them afterwards. I think it's great b/c then he is happy because he supported his friend and I am happy b/c I still have my sanity.

He probably just wants you to be happy so I would just be honest.

Jamie said...

Me and my hubby do a lot together, but he is a huge hunter and it just isn't my thing. I have learned lots about it and will go on scouting trips and shoot skeets (clay discs) with him, but actually hunting not my thing - so he does that one with the boys!

stefanierj said...

I feel your pain. Daddymatic loves to bike. Loves it. Me, not so much. Maybe about as much as having a root canal. So he bikes with the babe, and I have my own time to do my thang. It totally works for us.

I think not becoming That Girlfriend/Wife is about not outlawing whatever it is he likes to do (and yes, I have friends who do, hi, I'm his wife, not his mommy) but just very nicely and sweetly not doing it. It's better for everyone if you are honest and just don't do it rather than go along and hold your nose the whole time. If he complains about not doing everything together, explain that there is one hour mandatory shoe shopping or chick flicks or mani/pedis for every hour spent camping. ;)

Good luck.

Virginia Belle said...

no way! the only thing my parents liked to do together was discuss the news over coffee every morning. and have lots of babies, apparently. (7 kids!)

but my mom didn't join my dad for bourbon and cigars. and dad didn't help mom sew curtains. that would be weird.

dad liked infomercials. mom did not.
mom liked bathing. dad did not.
dad liked playing Clue. mom sucks at it.
mom liked to be in control. dad liked to pretend he was in control.
dad liked canoes. mom likes shoes.

they were married for almost 30 years. see what i'm sayin'?

don't beat yourself up, ster. as long as you two have the same values, priorities and goals, you'll be fine. the rest is just details.

as far as camping goes, my idea of camping is a Holiday Inn without cable. or going somewhere and realizing i have left my sweater behind and now i'm cold.

i. don't. camp.

i am an INDOOR girl. no campers, no RVs, no missing plumbing. i don't fish, either. i like the beach, but dealing with all that sand in your stuff gets old after a while.

i wouldn't do any of that crap with Brad Pitt or Jude Law or Matthew McConahey. barf-a-roni.

luckily, there are some guys out there who hate stuff like that just as much as i do. Whew! (One of my favorite things about Repo, actually.)

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