to everyone who read the post below. thank you so incredibly much for all of your comments. the way in which you could relate, or couldn't (but still completely understood), opened up about your own experiences, or just offered hugs- truly meant a lot to me. you are an inspiration. every single one of you. i think you are amazing! sincerely. thank you again.
as i said before, i am in a different place now. a place that isn't so angry. a place that isn't so hate filled. all of those emotions seem to have subsided (thank the goddess). other emotions are still very present and there are certain things i think won't ever change entirely. but i suppose that's to be expected when something like this happens for the reasons it happened for. i know i will have more to talk about in regards to this in the near future because my mind and heart continue to hurt when i think about our upcoming wedding. so i guess, thank you in advance.
mothergoosemouse- you asked about the boyfriend i mentioned in the post.. yes, that is boyfriend.. the same guy i'm with now and am going to marry. he was amazing through all of this. hell, he continues to be amazing. so fucking understanding and i could not ask for a man who has the ability to be more emotionally there for me than my future husband. he truly is incredible when it comes to dealing with me and just intuitively knowing me. with that said however, i like to think i'm pretty aware when i'm being unreasonable or a bitch for reasons that don't truly stem from him or his behavior. i like to figure out why i'm feeling a certain way and what the root issue is, etc. but that doesn't mean i stop acting crazy. i usually recognize all of these things, but still act like a spazz- whatever, he puts up with me. ha!
and anonymous- thank you. thank you for letting me know that the previous comment you had made about the ass and cleavage was completely rhetorical and not personal at all towards me. you didn't have to do that, but you did. and i appreciate it.
now.. GO SEE PIRATES!! WOO HOO!