Monday, July 17, 2006

i think i made our waitress cry

no seriously. like now that we've left the restaurant, i think she's sitting back there- crying. like real tears. cause apparently, i.am.one.offensive.bitch.

a few of us went out to dinner the other evening. we got a somewhat sassy little waitress who was trying to be cute and cool. she failed however, because she was neither. when i asked her if i could get some more water, she replied with, "oh hell yeah!" so basically i figured that she was fun! i figured i could play with her and she wouldn't get offended or freak out. damn my spidey senses were SO off with this one.

i ordered a salad (i wasn't hungry people, don't get all dinner nazi on me) and she asked me if i was allergic to nuts because even though it doesn't list nuts in the ingredients, there are nuts in the salad. i let her know to pile em on, i'm a nut freak- she laughed and was like "right on" (okay she might not have actually said "right on," but that was her vibe).

we get our food and i notice there are no nuts on my salad. she built up the damn nuts and now there are none. so i was laughing and i said, "there are no nuts in this salad, you lyin' whore." right then her eyes got really big and she stepped back, stopped smiling and walked away. then she practically ran over to the bar where she started talking to every other person that worked there. jimmy and boyfriend both informed me that she was highly offended and that she wasn't laughing and that i should apologize. first of all, i got defensive because i was KIDDING AROUND and secondly, i felt like an asshole and jimmy and boyfriend were making me feel worse. the last thing i need when i've done something stupid is to have it pointed out. and continually pointed out. and then repeated again.

so i'm in shock thinking she can't really be upset. can she? i was totally kidding. so i called her a whore. i call everyone whores. and i figure that she must be this upset because she actually IS a whore. and then i think she should consider herself lucky because she isn't that cute, so if she really is a whore- then good for her. whores have more fun, eh? apparently not this one.

so now she won't come near our table. she walks the long way around- all the way around the restaurant to get to the table next to us and walks the long way back just so that she doesn't have to pass us. so i'm realizing that she really is offended. so i tell everyone i'll fix it, because that's what i do. i'll apologize and all will be well. she can't be mad if she knows i was kidding, right? right? wrong.

i walked to the back of the restaurant where she was talking to the cooks and her eyes almost bulged out of her head when she saw me coming towards her. i asked her if she was seriously upset about this and she looked at me dumbfounded. i informed her that i was completely and 100% joking around.. and how she can talk to me all "hells yeah" when i ask for water, but i can't joke around with her? and then a conversation somewhat like this happened:

whore: "you called me a whore!!!!!!"
ster: "i was totally kidding! i call all my friends whores! i call everyone whores! like, what's going on whore?! like that!"
whore: "but you said i was a whore! i don't think that's funny."
ster: "um, i don't even know you, so you realize this wasn't personal right? like i wasn't REALLY calling you a whore?!! i was just fucking around."
whore: "whatever."

so basically, she was an unreceptive bitch to my apology. now i was pissed off and feeling bad. she didn't wait on us anymore. she made someone take over our table because she was that upset and refused to face me. i can't make this shit up.

so everyone- let this be a warning to you.. i make people cry. random people. strangers.

everyone going to blogher- if i call you a whore, take it as a compliment- it means i think you're actually fun enough to handle it. but the new inside joke in sterland is- if you call me a whore, i'm going to cry. because apparently being a whore is not funny! or fun!

*runs off crying non-whorish tears*

79 comments:

Beth said...

LMFAO! That is classic! I hate when people can dish it out, but can't take it in!
You can call me a whore anytimme, whore! lol!

Painter Beach Girl said...

I am peeing in my pants, that is so funny!!!! I joke around with people alot and some people just dont get it. Even being lighthearted and fun, (like, even not using words that could be offensive) people look at me like I am crazy. I hate that.

Amy said...

OMG! She might not have been a whore but she definitely was a bitch. Geez. LOL

adjunky said...

LMAO - i can actually picture that straight faced shrug "what? I just called her a whore?"

Christina_the_wench said...

You mean bitchy whore!

~laughing my sorry ass off~

socialworker/frustrated mom said...

So funny! I always make the waitors and waitresses crazy, e/o hates to go out to eat with me.

Becky said...

LOL yay finally the story you built up all weekend is posted! dude, the problem here is that this girl doesn't know you so she probably thought you meant it. well obviously she did lol. after you said sorry she shoulda gotten over it yes. we all in JJHF/sters blogland know you say whore as a friendly way! i've been called whore a 100 times by you lol. this waitress apparantly couldn't take a joke.

kim said...

lmfaoooooo !!! you are such a bad person jen

now i think im offended cuz youve never called me a whore ... God my feelings are hurt ! no dont apologize now its too fucking late

*sigh*

penguininthesun said...

I'm in the library at school so I couldn't laugh... but I'm snickering... silently.

Stephanie A. said...

OK, I can maybe see her taking what you had to say the wrong way, but when you're the bigger person and you try to explain yourself and she STILL shuts you down? Immature.

But then again she may have been going for the guilt tip!

Lisa Goldstein/Kelly Kelly said...

Good lord. I hate when people are too uptight. Maureen Dowd just wrote about how "slut" is no longer offensive, but apparently whore still is. I will file that distinction away.

But c'mon ladies, we've taken back the word slut, let's own our whoriness!

Lisa

Tori said...

You big old salad-eating skinny whore you!
You and I would get on very well....
WHORE!

russ said...

Even I, in my often crass, brutally honest way, would never call my waitress a "lyin' whore" even in joking. Maybe I'd call her a street walker or a coital engineer or a hooker though...

Jenn said...

LOLOLOL You mean bitch you!!! Poor little thing is all crying now and can't work for the rest of the night probably. Which of course will make her paycheck short, and her RENT short. And NOW she's going to get evicted....and where is she going to bring back all of her Johns to, when she has no apartment?

Jennster - Bringin down one whore at a time!

Ya know.....Whores have feelings TOO!

Softball Slut said...

Ok I could see why she might have taken it the wrong way, but you DID apologize. WTF is her problem? She should have been ok enough to get over it. You prolly cost her a lot in therapy bills.

mollymcmommy said...

you cute funny long blonde haired whore!!! :)

i think that by evening she is a waitress, but by night she is a true and bonafide whore. i think its her secret she is hiding about how big a whore she is and really doesn't get paid well cause she sucks at it and has to do the waitress gig on the side to supplement her income.

and you found out her secret.

your whoring friend,
m

Mommy off the Record said...

You never fail to crack me up. Maybe she would have been less offended had you called her a slut? Or a bitch? Hmmmm. I just hope no one spit in your food. That's all I woulda been worried about.

Meg said...

Oh my god. I can't believe that! I am the same way, I fuck around with people and often stick my foot in my mouth, but that was over the top!

By the way, I tagged you for a MeMe. Don't hate me...

J's Mommy said...

damn biatch! i prolly would have been shocked too, but i'm pretty good at telling when people are serious or just joking. you are too funny mama!

Melissa said...

LMFAO, she needs to take the stick out of her ass. I wonder what she would have done if you called her a bitch. Maybe it was the word whore she took offense too. Maybe she really is one.

Kentucky Girl said...

AhHahaha! That is fantastic! I'd have been an even bigger bitch when she blew off the apology. But I'm like that ya' know. heh

alison said...

This is hilarious. The only thing that would have made it better is if it had happened when we went out to dinner. I would have loved it!! Good job, Jenn!

Mrs. Chicky said...

Let that be a lesson to you!

You whore.

Personally, I would have called her a bitch. She probably would have been okay with that.

Mel said...

Heh.
You poor thing. Don't worry about it anymore, Miss Lady. Obvs. this girl has no sense of humor, and also? Doesn't know how to gracefully accept an explanation/apology.
You can call me a whore anytime you want to. :)

DD said...

Now I'm offended...you've never called me a whore.

Oh, The Joys said...

That whore was NUTS! Oops, er - totally lacking nuts. NUTLESS WHORE!

Dustin said...

we need to hang out....i'm still trying to figure out who can be more offensive. I love it.

speaking of whore, I've been reading alot of random blogs and i think you are on ALL of them

helllo

carmachu said...

While funny, yes you are offense and a bitch. *GRIN*

I'll prbably be yelled at but.....

Seriously, whore is probably crosses a certain line. I'm certain many of you here would NOT be very appreciative, to be called a whore(or slut or bitch or pick something you be offended by) at your work enviroment.....apology or no afterwards.

Some things you can joke about within your own circle(you know the friends you can call ANYTHING and still laugh), but complete strangers?

She might have been crazy, but you're wrong.

CP said...

You fuckin' rock.

Whore. *LOL*

That's hysterical.

CP

Cagey said...

I'd would be most flattered if you called me a whore if we happen to meet at BlogHer. Hell, you can even add an adjective in the present progressive, if you would like.

Erica said...

If Nicole Ritchie can call people whores on her reality tv show, why can't the rest of us do it in our real lives? That whore can't keep the word all to herself!
Also - must've hit a leetol too close to home.
Here from Amalah cause I had to read your story!

mothergoosemouse said...

Now I'll cry if you DON'T call me a whore at BlogHer.

carmachu said...

Erica: if YOU wish to be compared to Niocle richie and Paris Hilton and be on the same wave lengths as them, feel free......I think most of us have standards....(hey their low, but I have them)....

Kristin said...

Apparently, not only is she NOT a whore... she isn't fun at all.

Jealousy has made me hate all of you going to Blogher.

Random Musings Of My Life said...

thats FUNNY YOU WHORE!

spidey said...

Shit, at least she could be a fun whore! I call people whores all the time. Whatever.

Elizabeth said...

Okay, so now it's you and me, BlogHer lounge, "get me a drink, WHORE!"-okay? I wish I could just get on the plane and come to California RIGHT NOW.

Shawna said...

omg that is hilarious! WTF? How could she seriously not think you were kidding???

Lisa said...

GOd Jenn. You're such a bitch. And a whore. A bitchy whore! (heeheee. I couldn't resist. Ya know, now I'm fucking with ya right? Right?)

Catherine said...

There's nothing worse than an offended bitch with no sense of humor. Except maybe an offended bitch who's a LYING WHORE with no sense of humor. :)

Bonnie B said...

That is just whorable. You know, she probably was a whore and had a whore complex. Nuts! She was a whore who couldn't take nuts-- or take them to her patrons.
Well, I'll be your whore any day and I'll wear my sluty title with honor. What a compliment.

kat said...

she totally needs a pad for her tutu.

Leigh said...

To be fair, she doesnt know you, and therefore she cant know just how un-serious you were being. I know my reaction would be shock and offense, although if you came to me with a sincere apology and explanation as to why you called me a whore, Im sure I would forgive you. I might still feel a bit embarassed to show my face at the table though.

Her reaction is understandable, but her total unwillingness to accept an apology is not.

Rainman said...

It was her own dam fault. Someone should have clued her in to the fact that if you fuck around with the customers and they screw around back, it usually equals BIG TIPS. Now if you would have called a nasty slut or the "C" word thats different!

carmachu said...

"Her reaction is understandable, but her total unwillingness to accept an apology is not. "



WHy should she? Being a waitress is a sucky job, frankly, and dealing with crappy customers all the time. You cant make someone not feel insulted, and frankly she should have.

Mike said...

Well based on how much you used to talk about Point's dick.........I'd say YOU are the whore!!! *points at you* SLUT!!!

Anonymous said...

Dear Whore,

so that was an appology?...

You are sepcial.

Avitable said...

That was hilarious. Bloody hilarious.

Anonymous said...

If you're with guys and refer to a girl as a whore she assumes you're jealous because one of the guys was checking her out. That's probably how she tells it anyway. In her blog you're just some crazy-jealous customer.

Christie said...

You were nominated for a RFS Blog Awards! Go get the button and tell all your friends to vote for you!

jen said...

I think she must have been a total and complete friggin whore. Only real whores get offended by being called a whore...
Maybe you should have asked her if mean-stupid-fucking-slut-from-hell would have been more appropriate? ;)

mean girls said...

WHATEVER!!! she is just a cry baby. i call all of my friends whores...it's ment in the most loving way.
Maybe she was just sad that she was a unattractive whore.

Jill said...

That's fantastic!! Plus, how can she go on about nuts and not think you'd call her a whore? lol.

Kristen said...

I can't believe that! If you give the impression that you love joking around with people, don't cry and get all fucking emotional when someone calls you a whore! LOL. I can't believe she got someone to take the table over. Come on- the whore forgot your nuts for God's sake.

Kelly said...

Jennster--- you are going to Blogher?? Yay! Someone else that I can meet!!!
But I have to say that I am crying right now...
Because you said the word "whore" one too many times. ;)

EC said...

Too funny!

But the bigger question should be...

Did you leave her a tip and how much??

LMAO

Denise said...

That's a great question, Erin...

How much did you tip her? :)

Kevin Charnas said...

LMFAO!!! You know what Jennster? She wasn't just a whore,
she was a STUPID FUCKING WHORE.
That's what that flea-bag Ho was...and still is.

What a dumbass piece of shit.

That's what you should've said. You should've said, "Oh my god, all this time I thought you were just a whore, but it really turns out that you're a dumbass piece of shit and no one probably wants to touch your nasty pussy with a ten-inch pole. THAT'S THE PROBLEM!"

mrsmogul said...

That's hysterical!! I never called a waitress a whore though NOW I MIGHT!!!

Lisa said...

OMG you're such a whore. But a witty fun whore. So its okay.

Libragirl said...

I came from Mental exrements - I wouldn't be offended depending on how it's said. In the context you used it

No effin way...

Just walk up to me and call me a whore, maybe.

She should have accepted your apology and been done with it.

I love making people cry. I do it at work all the time on the phone.

Domestic Chicky said...

Favorite line ever from a movie:
"Boo, you whore!"

Favorite line from a blog:
"being a whore is not funny!"

Maybe she prefers Call Girl?

point45 said...

bottom line is (charmchu) that she broke the rules of professionalism. thats what happens when you tell the people at your table that they should "get you loaded," and saying "hell yea." The waitress was very young and unprofessional. She had no problems trying to be sassy and stupid when she was standing up there acting like a "cool" chick. Jenn did apologize to her. Bottom line is the girl bit off more than she could chew and was way to thin skinned. A person like that has no business being in that type of job.

jen said...

did you end up getting extra nuts on your salad though? that's the question!
omfg, she laid the ground work for the entire interaction for dinner. It's just too bad she couldn't keep up with it.
I'm sure you've been to dick's last resort right? we took my grandma there a few years ago, and it was hilarious.

Tracie said...

I think she way over did it with the tears and such....but once you actually went over there and apologised-she should have gotten over it, said "okay whore, no big deal-do you need any more water" and kept serving you. What an idiot.

Jimboliah said...

that chick was a fukin dumb bitch... and yes imma sorry for making you feel bad... but back 2 my point.. her 19year old horse headed ass can just go fuck off... that was some funny shit.!

theotherbear said...

HA ha ha ha. That is just classic.

I don't think I've ever called a stranger a whore but I am going out for dinner tonight so it might just happen soon.

Can't believe you made her cry - what a whore.

Jennifer said...

Um, I don't get it... *wink, wink* I think whores tell the best stories!!! Good one, Jenn! If I was there with ya I'd have told the guys to shut it for making you feel so badly.

Lotta said...

Please. Whore, slut, hosebag - whatever if it's in good fun. You must have hit her sore spot, she thinks she is a hoor and so she got hurt. Odd.

CAT said...

you fucking whore lmao

Angry Dad said...

LMAO. You are such a legend. Whore's and Fucktards. What next?!

(And I'm comment #71 - and you told me you weren't popular, ya lying whore!!! LOL)

gina said...

OMG!

You whore! ;)

Virginia Belle said...

ok, as much as i would like to, i am not reading 72 comments.

you are the comment whore, not me.

wait...are you crying now...?

aw, ster. don'tcha hate it when you are taken the wrong way! eek!

ok, if you really feel bad, do what i would do: as a former waitress, all i can say is that HUGE MEGA-TIPS make everything ok. you DID give her a MEGATIP, right???? right????

please say you gave her like, a 50% tip. if you didn't, you march your whore ass back in there, apologize to her manager and tell him to give her the MEGATIP.

i have to say...if i didn't know you, and you called me a whore....i might not take it so well, either. i don't have the thickest skin. i would probably cry, depending on my hormone level. or maybe spit in your salad....

but 10 minutes later, i would figure it out. because i am so NOT a whore. and then i would get it and laugh. and i definitely would have accepted your apology.

sometimes, when i'm in a major dry spell, i wish i was a whore. *sigh*

Stefanie said...

Wow. This is so funny to me because I had the exact same thing happen years ago with an actual friend. I used to call her slut and whore and one day out of nowhere she says "please don't call me that. It really hurts my feelings." I was like "huh? Why? You know I'm totally joking with you." But she insisted that it was offensive to her and that I not do it. So I didn't but our friendship definitely was strained after that because what kind of fucking whore doesn't like being called a whore in fun?? I mean, really.

Sarah said...

HAhahaahahh!! Now that is funny shit.

If you like, you now have my permission to adopt my new swear word, "fuckmouth". Come here fuckmouth... It's just so awesomely offensive and random and really not applicable to anyone I can think of.

I also use a slightly less offensive variation of it when I stub my toe or something, "Ouch, fucksocks!"

Go ahead, say it...you'll like it. Pass it on! :)

RSM said...

At least you didn't call her a CUNT.

ablondeblogger said...

Oh my gosh, you are so fucking hilarious!!!!! I'm so glad you commented on my blog so that I could find yours!!

I'm adding you to my links ASAP!

By the way, this was so hilarious that I read it out loud to my husband and 16-year-old who are now also ROFLTAO!

Erin Monahan said...

Is there a magic emoticon smiley thing that denotes laughing and spitting coffee on the screen?

There should be.

I waited tables for 14 years, and I've worked with so many like this. She saw you guys in a shade of green - tried to play the game to get a big honkin tip, and couldn't take it.

Priceless. Serves her right. Hope you didn't leave the guilt tip, she didn't deserve it.

Erin Monahan said...

OK me again, sorry - but now I've read the comments and I have to say this to carmachu.

I've waited tables for 14 freakin' years, I've done it so long because I LOVE doing it, and THIS is exactly the kind of customer I love to have. (Much better than the anal church lady type)

Being a waitress is only a crappy job if you suck at it.