Thursday, June 01, 2006

emotional rollercoaster for 1 please

i went to pick blake up from his after school care place the other day and the lady who worked there didn't know me. she.didn't.know.me. she made me go outside and get my id so i could prove to her that i was actually blake's mom (cause blake saying "HI MOM" and running to me wasn't a big enough clue).

while i walked to my car to get my license, i just got more and more upset. why was i so upset? i mean, the woman was just doing her job. keeping my son safe and for that i should be happy, right? right. but i wasn't happy. i was pissed off. and i was pissed because THE LADY AT MY SON'S DAYCARE DIDN'T KNOW ME!!!!!!!

i felt like an asshole. i mean seriously. that's the only word i can use to describe how i felt. i felt so stupid. and as i walked to my car, i was almost in tears. i was so conflicted over how i was feeling. i was mad. and i was mad at the lady for not knowing me, which is SO stupid, but still. it's like i wanted someone to blame. so it's obviously her fault for not knowing me. it can't possibly be my fault because i work all the damn time. i felt pathetic. i felt like a joke. i felt like i should just go in the car, start it up, and drive away without blake. and then maybe come back and start over. or just send boyfriend to fetch him, since everyone knows him. i couldn't believe how upset this made me. but it's truly hard to put into words how i felt at the time.

i've never had to "prove" that i was blake's mom before. i'm not used to this. i'm not used to being the mom no one knows. the mom no one sees because she works too late and doesn't get home in time to pick her son up from the youth center before it closes. the mom who actually, for once in 7 years, has someone helping her. now that i don't have to do every damn thing by myself, people don't know me. oh, blake has a mom? who knew? i guess in exchange for having a loving man who picks up my son everyday, i get to be the non-existant parent. the one who pays the bill (chokes) and mails his schedule in each month. but that's it. and it sucked. my heart hurt that day... and it hurts just thinking about it now.

39 comments:

Stephanie A. said...

I can see how this might be upsetting, but don't let this get you down. Just because you normally don't pick him up doesn't mean that you're non-existant. What it means is that you're a great provider and you're doing what you need to do for your family. You're just fine, Jenn.

Jodi said...

OH, poor Jennster. I am sorry. I agree with Stephanie. You are NOT non-existant. Poor little thing. I could feel your heart breaking through the computer. I want to give you a HUG. And I am not a huggie kinda gal.

Not to dismiss your plight, but I think this is how my husband feels a lot. At times when he had to pick up Connor from daycare he would have to do the whole ID thing and it made him feel all yucky and defensive. I am sure that the daycare people don't think a second thought about it. I doubt they are judging anybody, just doin' their job.

That being said I can see why you would be all hurt. I'm soooo sorry!

Becky said...

awww i'm sorry. i can totally relate. my MIL takes hannah to all her dance stuff and to sunday school and any play group things and when i go sometimes with her everyone wonders who i am. and i have to work it in that I am in fact her mother and not my MIL because 1/2 the time she fails to mention that hannah's not her kid, but her grandkid. it hurt the most at her recital...when the other moms had questions about hannah and they asked my MIL and finally i chimed in with my answer and said i was her mother. and they were all apologetic...they had no way to know. but i hate that i'm not there for them TO KNOW that. i'm with ya honey. it sucks. i know how much it hurts. ((JENNSTER))

Kristin said...

Sometimes, things can really affect us more than other times... you are working hard and that can be overwhelming... especially when what you want to do is shake this woman and go, "RECOGNIZE ME... not only as Blake's mom but as the person busting her ass!"

But, we know you are all those things and you are doing a great job.

Cheer up... it's almost Friday!

Tina said...

I'm sorry honey :( You do a great job with Blake...and it's wonderful that you have a man in your life that loves Blake as much as he loves you.

Mike said...

You're doing your best. Try not to take it personally.

tAnYeTTa said...

Hi, I'm new to your blog and from what I can see from everyone's comments that you're an amazing mom!

My family and I went to the beach and this couple says to me: Ohh look they're dressed alike (my hubby and son). She says ahhh you're taking photos of your kids? That's sooo sweet. YEAH I WAS PISSED :)

jen said...

I totally understand how you feel Jenn! My mom takes the kiddos to their riding lessons and dance for Little Pea...and it sucks!!!
I long to be the mom who can drop her kiddos off AND pick them up...but it's not going to happen at this point.
You are still Blake's mom and you do exist hon!!! It's fantastic that your man picks him up. For a lot of women...that is not even an option whether they are married or not.
It's balance Jenn. Think of it that way. You are achieving balance...

spidey said...

(((Jennster))) Don't be sad, you are an awesome mom who just happens to get off work late. That doesn't make you non-existant at all!

rhonda said...

Don't be upset. You aren't the asshole...SHE is.

I am the same way. My FIL picks the kids up from school every day for me.

We do what we gotta do to survive. Don't let that bitch get you down :)

*hugs*

Jenn said...

Jenn, no matter what anyone says, I would be going to work the next day and tellin them that my schedule needs to change so I can pick that kid up!!! And then go up to that woman every day and be all up in her shit!! I realize that makes no sence....and it's not like good advise by any means.....but I'd be mortified, and would be freakin out JUST. LIKE. YOU. ARE. And Mike would be telling me I'm crazy and overreacting...bla bla bla

My cousin was leaving her baby with her MIL every day to go to work and one day she went to pick him up and he cried cause he didn't want to go to her. He wanted to stay with grandma. Makes sence right? it's grandma....but OMG I would FREAK!

mollymcmommy said...

((hugs)) i know how you feel, i've had that happen with me too.

m

Mel said...

Been there, done that, and it sucks sucks sucks. But you're doing your best, which is all anyone can ask of you. AND for any further sadness you feel, I refer you back to what Stephanie A. said, because that's exactly right and she rocks. And so do you, and your boy knows it and knows that you love him and that really IS all that matters.
Keep on keepin' on, girl.

mothergoosemouse said...

That would get me RIGHT HERE too as a fellow mom who works outside the home. Perhaps because, like you, I pride myself on being an involved parent who knows the people who care for my kids, and if someone didn't recognize me as their mother, then by extension that means that I'm not involved and I entrust my children's safety to random strangers so that I can go collect a paycheck.

Now I've managed to make myself feel guilty too.

Meg said...

Oh man what a slap in the face!

When I was around 2, my family moved to a new town. My parents took all of us kids to church regularly and one day asked my older brother to go pick me up from Sunday School. They wouldn't let me go with him because he had blonde hair and blue eyes, while the rest of us are dark haired! My dad had to come get me.

At least the day care lady is keeping Blake from running off with a stranger, but I still know that it hurt to have that happen.

Beth said...

You are totally a great mom! That lady was dumb! I agree with Jenn though. I personally would be doing all I could to make my schedule change just enough, so I could do the pick up.
I used to pick my oldest nephew up from preschool, and I got 'carded' once too. It was weird, and I am only the aunt! Like Blake, my nephew was calling my name and ran to give me a hug! Obviously I knew him!

Melissa said...

Honey that sucks and you have every right to be upset about it. I get it. The afternoon people at my kids day care don't know me either. I don't get off in enough time to pick them up. They, on the occasion that I go at night to pick them up, make me prove I am me too. And it sucks. But it is cool that Blake has you and Boyfriend. Just cause he has boyfriend now too, does not mean you are any less of his mom. It just means you have a wonderful man who loves you and Blake and helps out. And this is a good thing.

I do think a kid running up to you saying mom, should be clue enough for some. But, they are protecting our kids in doing their jobs right.

Kevin Charnas said...

Hey booger, I'm sorry...I second what everyone else said and don't really have anything to add. I just wanted to let you know that I'm sorry and I'm sending some love your way... okay?

- Your fucktard.

kim said...

awwww Jen *hugs* i know how you feel I work 10-12 hours a day some times 6 days a week.
But you are there for the most important stuff, the stuff that is important to Blake.
I've had days that I leave before the kids get up and come home after they are in bed and its amazing how guilty you can feel for doing what has to be done for your family. *more hugs*

Virginia Belle said...

honey! it's ok. i bet this happens to all moms. are you hormonal? because i think JUST like this when i'm hormonal. i am Miss Negative and assume the worst in every situation.

you are a super mommy and that woman was probably a sub or something. she was just doing her job. be glad that blake is safe at school. but i agree that it would be heartbreaking to have that happen. it's ok. maybe she had a brain fart.

{{{hugs}}}

Eileen said...

Sounds like maybe it triggered guilt you may already feel for "not being there enough" (not that that's necessarily true).

Piece of Work said...

That is completely sucky, Jenn. Of course you are not non-existant, you are the MOM, and you will always be the Mom.

Anonymous said...

Jen I can relate. When I took my oldest trick or treating one year, the old lady asked him if his older sister wanted some candy too. WTF! That is my son, swear, he came fresh out of this crotch, right here!!!
Don't worry! You are a great mom and Blake knows who ya are, even if someone else doesn't.

Luanne

ginger incognito said...

That just sucks, and you have every right to feel crappy about it. But don't let it keep you down. The important thing is BLAKE KNOWS YOU ARE HIS MOM. Whether or not some lady at school recognizes this is just not as important. You do everything you can to make a good life for your son, and I'm betting he knows it. You can feel crappy about that one situation that one time, but only until he hugs you and says, "I love you, Mom." Then you've got to realize that everyone has those moments. Everyone.

Izzy said...

Jennnnnn....

This is just a blip on the radar screen of your son's life. Seriously, he knows who the most important person in the world is...his mama :)

Alison said...

A lot of the people who work in the after-school care centers aren't familiar with all of the parents because there are usually different kids on any given day. Don't take it personally---she's just keeping Blake safe and that's good. The important thing is that Blake ran right up to you, all excited and ready to go with Mom! You are THERE for him, Jenn. All of the time you put in before and after work and on weekends is just as important. AND, if you're like me, working outside the home makes you appreciate your time with him even more. No worries, Hooch.

Lisa said...

You know, I would have felt the same way....And yes, I can see why you wanted to kick some ass.

You are a great mom and you work hard. I hope you are feeling better. Please don't be so hard on yourself.

(I'm passes you a virtual stiff drink...)

jane said...

Thank goodness though that you did have to prove it & that she didnt just take your word for it. Imagine someone else trying to pick up your son, or any other child...wouldn't you want that lady looking out for them?

I'm just trying to think like the devil's advocate here.

Wendy Boucher said...

I would have felt exactly the same way in your shoes. It was bad enough that the other day when I stopped to pick up Girlie from summer camp, they asked for my ID and I DIDN'T HAVE IT!!! What did Girlie do? She stood there looking at me like I was Hester the Molester and didn't say a word.

Cripes. I had to empty my purse and show them everything in my wallet to fetch my daughter who luckily did not show her amusement or I would have had to time her out for the next four years.

point45 said...

did you forget that for the first time you get to drive blake to school everyday and see him off? also that bitch is never in there when i pick up blake so its not like she is there every night and just doesnt recognize you. brent recognized you and so does his teacher. so stop with your selective self loathing. you do awesome.

denise said...

I just met my kids teacher for the 1st time this year on tuesday. school gets out in 15 days. your not alone, she had no idea who I was, and the lady in the office looked at me and walked off to do something else (?) before she told me where to sign in and get my "visitor" button. nice, rudeness must be a requirement of the school administration.

EvaRob said...

This blogger's got your back...you sound like a great mom. No worries.

Undercover Angel said...

I know that this upset you - but look at it this way - you know your son is safe there and that no strangers will ever be able to leave with him. In this day and age where child abductions occur, I think it's good that Blake's school is so concerned about security.

I think you're a great mom to Blake, so keep your chin up.

Hugs...

Catherine said...

Most kids would KILL for such a kickass mommy as you... someone who maintains her individuality and yet loves her child limitlessly. You're Awesome with a capital A! Don't let anyone convince you otherwise.

Mommy off the Record said...

Is it possible that that lady was just dumb? Don't beat yourself up too badly. Your kid knows who you are and loves you. That's what counts the most.

Nikki said...

Jenn, try not to be upset. I was that mom that would break her neck trying to get there before the daycare closed for years.

Yes, I felt like an ass. I felt like a terrible mom. It hurt my feelings. I can totally relate to what you are saying and they way you feel.

You gotta do what you need to do to take care of family.

And we can't all be Super MOM all the time. It just can't happen.

Try not to stew. It won't do any good. Just know you do exist and so does your love for Blake.

Chin up Jenn. Chin up.

Michelle said...

I work at a childcare center, and it's true that sometimes I don't know one of the parents picking up their child, especially if the other parent usually does the picking up. However, I try not to let on that I don't know them! Usually I'll just ask them who they are there to pick up, and if the child runs up to them, then it's fine. That woman was just doing her job, but she could have been a little more tactful about it. Don't feel bad. I have worked in child care for thirteen years, and I can honestly tell you that the kids LOVE it there. Most of them don't ever want to go home! I have never once heard a child complain that their Mom works too much and they resent it. For most of them it's just a fact of life in this day and age that Mom and Dad work. Sorry for the long comment!

jen said...

I would first die in my heart, then probably go off.....then head to my car for my ID. wait, maybe i'd just grab my kid and leave......then wait for the cops to find me at my house with my son. fuckers!! What is a daycare chick gonna do? stop me? oh wait........they ARE doing their job.... I hear you, it sucks working soooo much. There are no daycares even open as late as I work, because they all close at 6pm, and I work 7a,-7p......fuckers. So i have to search up and down to find a good, nice, trustable babysitter that fits in with my family.
many hugs to you, i know you had to feel sooooooo many emotions at that point in time. I'm proud that you kept your cool and did the right thing. you know your baby boy loves you for it right???
no matter what the daycare knows/thinks about you......YOU know what your son feels about you.
you pay the bills and take care of your babyboy........you fkn rock Jen!!!

Jenny said...

That's totally crappy and sadly also totally normal. When I drop off Hailey in the morning (my hubby normally does) the morning director thinks I'm Hailey's nanny. Sigh... Even worse, once when I went to pick her up (she was 18 months) the teachers were out sick so they had a sub and when the director called for Hailey the woman (who was sitting RIGHT NEXT TO HAILEY) said, "Who's Hailey?" Hailey gave her this look like...how could anyone not know me?! I wanted to bitch-slap the lady.