i went to pick blake up from his after school care place the other day and the lady who worked there didn't know me. she.didn't.know.me. she made me go outside and get my id so i could prove to her that i was actually blake's mom (cause blake saying "HI MOM" and running to me wasn't a big enough clue).
while i walked to my car to get my license, i just got more and more upset. why was i so upset? i mean, the woman was just doing her job. keeping my son safe and for that i should be happy, right? right. but i wasn't happy. i was pissed off. and i was pissed because THE LADY AT MY SON'S DAYCARE DIDN'T KNOW ME!!!!!!!
i felt like an asshole. i mean seriously. that's the only word i can use to describe how i felt. i felt so stupid. and as i walked to my car, i was almost in tears. i was so conflicted over how i was feeling. i was mad. and i was mad at the lady for not knowing me, which is SO stupid, but still. it's like i wanted someone to blame. so it's obviously her fault for not knowing me. it can't possibly be my fault because i work all the damn time. i felt pathetic. i felt like a joke. i felt like i should just go in the car, start it up, and drive away without blake. and then maybe come back and start over. or just send boyfriend to fetch him, since everyone knows him. i couldn't believe how upset this made me. but it's truly hard to put into words how i felt at the time.
i've never had to "prove" that i was blake's mom before. i'm not used to this. i'm not used to being the mom no one knows. the mom no one sees because she works too late and doesn't get home in time to pick her son up from the youth center before it closes. the mom who actually, for once in 7 years, has someone helping her. now that i don't have to do every damn thing by myself, people don't know me. oh, blake has a mom? who knew? i guess in exchange for having a loving man who picks up my son everyday, i get to be the non-existant parent. the one who pays the bill (chokes) and mails his schedule in each month. but that's it. and it sucked. my heart hurt that day... and it hurts just thinking about it now.