Friday, June 16, 2006

cause he didn't have to be..

the past few days i've had some people mention to me about how cool it is that blake's dad comes out to all of his baseball games and watches him play. they say this mostly because blake's did lives over an hour away from us. on one hand, i completely get that people are just paying him a compliment by saying he's a good dad (which he totally is). but on the other hand, i kind of think- why does he get credit for doing shit he should be doing? i mean, shouldn't a dad want to come to his son's games? i guess to me, giving someone credit for being involved in their childs life, is kind of like telling me what a great mom i am for giving blake food everyday.

"it's so great how you feed blake everyday jenn. it's really respectable. you
make him lunch and dinner. wow, you're an amazing mom!!!"

my whole point is this.... the person who i feel gets often overlooked in this scenario is the man i'm choosing to marry. he's the one who makes sure blake gets to practice early everyday. he's out there playing catch with him and working on fundamentals before the game. he's coaching first base and chooses to be totally involved. he's not blake's dad, but he made the choice to love both of us and to take us both into his life. i kind of feel like if anyone should be getting raved about, it should be him. he doesn't have to do any of this stuff, but he chooses too. he doesn't have to be this involved, but he is. he didn't have to be the man who chose to date a single mom and her son... but he did. and everyday i see him go out of his way to do things for blake. he makes that extra effort, so that he isn't just the guy who has to do his homework with him, or all the not fun stuff, etc.

i'm not saying that blake's dad doesn't deserve praise for being a wonderful father. i guess i just want the future step dad to get a little credit too. blake is lucky to have 2 wonderful men in his life. so happy father's day... to the dad that didn't have to be, and the one that is.

36 comments:

Stephanie A. said...

That's a great post about boyfriend. We have a friend who, since well before marriage, has been so involved in his step-daughter's life. I think to share that kind of love is amazing and incredible and boyfriend is tops as far as I'm concerned!

norcalgirl28 said...

tears (on my part)...and apologies (from me) Chris is wonderful and goes out of his way to be there all the time, whether switching helmets at first or putting the banner up...(gee, now there's no mystery is there???) Jimmy stepped in every single time he was needed, as an adoring uncle would do. Yes, they rock (as you would say) and they are so very much appreciated by a lot of people around them. Miles driven shouldn't give someone credit...love, caring and ALWAYS being the first one on the field should. Slap me upside the head!!!!! Thank you for the wake up call.

Just Call Me Lu said...

Amazingly true post Jennster! I am or rather was, in your same boat. Jacob's father however is not a great dad and my now ex-husband was a wonderful stepfather. He always did the dad stuff and his real Dad took it as a convenience to have his son around.
I hope one day again to find the real Mr. Right, just as you have. He is awesome and so are you, don't forget that!

Tara said...

Very well written Jenn. I completey agree. YAY for step dad!

Lisa Goldstein/Kelly Kelly said...

That was a very touching post. I'm a stepmom so I am all in favor of honoring the stepparents who do so much for the stepkids.

Lisa

Mel said...

That was well-said. And totally true!
(And that song, BTW, totally chokes me up every time I hear it.)

Melissa said...

Blake is so lucky to have Point in his life. And hey, isn't that line a song...he didn't have to be.

I think mom's get overlooked and dad's praised, because it is still a new thing for dad's to be so involved. And there are a ton of dad's who aren't. It isn't right, but it is still that way. I hope that one day, by the time our kids are parents that it had changed.

Happy Father's Day to Point. He rocks. Blake will be a great man one day. And it will be because of you and his dad, but also a ton because of Point. Step-dad's are very important. Trust me.

Mega Mom said...

I do think that is amazing to love someone else's child as your own. That was a very nice post for a very lovely man.

Happy Father's Day to him!

Beth said...

You are right on Jennster! I think the people that CHOOSE to be a parent, because they want to, deserve way more credit. It takes a strong man (or woman) to raise someone else's child.
Yay for boyfriend!

happy fathers day!

texas math said...

you're definitely on the nose here about men (and women) who chose to be in relationships with people who have children from previous relationships...it takes a lot to raise and love someone else's child as if that child were your own.

jane said...

That was very well said. As far as people complimenting his biological father, I think men who are divorced ALWAYS get complimented for doing what they should do. Probably just cuz so many bail out on the family once the marriage is over.
You're absolutely right, Blake is a fortunate little boy to have 2 men that genuinely love him & look out for his best interests. And that's not even mentioning his wonderful mom!!

MelissaMM said...

There you go again, getting in my head. We've touched on this before and it's so fitting to bring it up again so close to Father's Day.

I was thinking the same thing the other night. I really wish Madison would give some thanks and acknowledgement to my boyfriend since he has been there for her in so many ways her dad hasn't. But I know she'll see it as an "insult" and betrayal to her dad. I look forward to the day when she sees that it's ok to acknowledge both.

kim said...

ohhh believe me jen i feel ya on this one!
my ex lives an hour and a half away and HE CHOOSE to move away from us when we divorced... now IF he can make it to a basketball game or a swim party or even to see his own Mother on Mothers Day hes a fucking saint cuz he "drove" 3 hours round trip and hes "sooo busy and lives sooo far" it pisses me off every time! When I remarried, my new husband didnt have any kids and married in to a zoo, I had 4 then and now we have my grandson and then we had baby terror and he is wonderful with them all! he does homework and fixes the bikes and puts together the swing set and fixes the basketball hoop, cooks dinner, makes sure they get their fingernails clean ...hes a fantastic dad and they depend on him and love him. It doesnt mean they dont love their dad but they know whos there for them

Kristin said...

Good point! For me, this is the same mentality as when women say their husband is "babysitting" the kids.

Your kids are your kids. And you watch them and go to their games and sometimes make them lunch and dinner. ;-)

Mommy off the Record said...

Awesome tribute to boyfriend on Father's Day weekend. He sounds like a great person to have in your lives.

Alison said...

Yes, both men are a special part of Blake's life and he is lucky to have both of them. I admire the fiance for loving Blake and treating him like his own son, and I admire BF for remaining a big part of Blake's life. I always liked him and I think it's really sweet of him to drive that distance to Blake's games. Yes, it's something he should do as the father, but in this day and age, it isn't as common anymore. Good for him! (Plus, from his perspective, he may feel a little "threatened" because of the fiance---that must be hard for him to see Blake responding to another "dad", you know?)

Undercover Angel said...

You are so right. Often step-dad's don't get the recognition they deserve. Your guy is so wonderful for helping you and Blake and making sure Blake gets to practices and for doing "Dad" things with him like tossing the ball around and playing catch...

Amy said...

Just found your blog and am really enjoying it!

Kevin Charnas said...

YEAH!! FUCK YEAH!!! RIGHT ON!! BRAVA FOR YOU FOR SAYING SO! AND BRAVO FOR YOUR MAN FOR STEPPING UP!!!

That fucking rocks Jen. GREAT post.
And GREAT man.

so right on.

wendy boucher said...

Lucky Blake. You AND two great men in his life.

Kristin said...

& what i neglected to mention is: YOU ROCK BF!! Happy Father's Day to you too!!!

mean girls said...

Blake is lucky to have both of these guys in his life, yes, but I totally get what you're saying. Even though it's Father's Day weekend, and this is so anti-karma to say, men get pats on the back for EVERYTHING, and it gets old...really, really old.

Zephra said...

A agree totally.

Eileen said...

Points well made.

denise said...

there is something to be said for not taking the dead beat dad road, however for a man to step up and love a little boy he didnt have to is very noble and says alot about the kind of man he is.
what a special boy to have two fathers.

mollymcmommy said...

happy fathers day to jenn's boyfriend :)

girl, you are so lucky to have such a wonderful man such as he! you guys are going to have a great life, you, bf and blake!

m

Elizabeth said...

What a great post, Jenn. I agree, your boyfriend should get Father's Day credit. I never did like that term "step-dad". If you ask me, once you get married, your husband IS Blake's Dad. The term we use in my house for my husband's two fathers is Bio-Dad, and DAD. But that's just us.

Nikki said...

Jen, Please tell boyfriend that I had a step dad who was nothing even close to how great your BF is.

He was okay, but never made that extra effort. When he and mom got divorced - I didn't care, he had never been there anyway.

Happy Father's Day to you BF. You already are a Dad.

Catherine said...

Very cool tribute to a great man!

Happy Father's Day, Jennster's Fiance!

Lotta said...

Hear hear.

gray_brandi said...

Happy Father's Day to all the daddy's out there! Thats great for Blake! Lucky boy :)

CAT said...

what you said about Dot and your ex was fantastic Ster. It takes an exceptional person to fall in love with a single mom and her child.
I have to say--half your post made me LMFAO

"giving someone credit for being involved in their childs life, is kind of like telling me what a great mom i am for giving blake food everyday."

ROTF!!!!!!!

Jennifer said...

I totally agree, 100%! Though it's cool of biological-dad to drive the hour to watch Blake's games on a regular basis, it's total props to 'future-Mr. Jennster' for stepping up to the plate when it comes to the everyday interactions. You're very lucky to have found somebody like him. Not very many stepfathers are as involved in their stepchildren's lives.

spidey said...

That is so awesome. Yay for Blake having two great dads! LOL @ you being a great mom for feeding the child!

Virginia Belle said...

you are totally right, jennster! hooray for boyfriend!

Survivin said...

Can I say that you are a great Mom and Father to Blake. My son's Father has been in the picture since let's see NEVER and there are times that I still don't get the recognition or credit for being both Mom and Dad. I gotta hand it to you, you are an amazing Mom and you're kid is definitely following in your footsteps. You are so blessed to have found such a generous, caring and loving man to love both of you. God bless you all.