Tuesday, May 02, 2006

we party like rockstars..

some of you may not know this, but we don't have blake every other weekend. every other weekend, he is with his dad. and i'd be totally lying if i said i didn't enjoy my free time. those weekends that blake is gone, boyfriend and i get to go out at night... we go dancing.. we go to bars.. we party with our friends.. we go out to a quiet dinner with no interruptions.. to a late movie.. anything we want to do.. and we don't have to come home early. hell, we don't have to come home at all. and i enjoy it. i really do. does this make me a bad mom? fuck that. it makes me a balanced mom. it makes me a balanced person. i have no problem balancing the life of being a mom, a girlfriend, and just me. i know nothing else but this. i've always had my free time every other weekend.. practically since blake was born (with a few exceptions).

i think boyfriend and i are lucky. i truly do. since neither one of us knows what it's like to date eachother without the presence of a child there, these weekend breaks are the only time we get to act like a childless couple (well, as childless as you can be physically.. you're never really childless mentally). and it's these weekends that we get to just hang out and not worry about entertaining a 7 year old. we get to just be... us. and i know how lucky we are for this. i realize that most couples don't get breaks like that. at least, not consistantly, without feeling guilty, or going broke paying for a sitter. so i really do soak it all in. and i enjoy it as much as i can because i know that one day............... this will all change.

because one day, boyfriend and i will have a child of our own. and i don't think i'll be able to convince blake's dad to take them both every other weekend. so it looks like we'll have some major adjusting to do. and it freaks me out a little. okay, it freaks me out a lot. because there are no more built in breaks. no more effortless date nights. no more hassle free weekends. and i wonder, just how the hell do you all you couples do it? do you set aside date nights? once a week? once a month? do you start to feel like a mom and nothing else? cause i don't ever want to feel like that. so how do you balance being not only a mom, but being a sexy woman for your man? or do you not? and if you don't, have things changed.. suffered.. been the same? i'm just planning ahead here people, help me out. :)

33 comments:

rhonda said...

You have to plan date night, because I will tell ya, there is no time for ANYTHING with two little ones around.

We shoot for once a month and the kiddos stay overnight at my inlaws.

And there is nothing wrong with enjoying going out AT ALL! Like you said, that is being balanced :)

Beth said...

We are pretty lucky. We have lots of family around, so we aim for once a month. Claire has such a great routine, that it works well. She is in bed by 730 or so, so we have the night to ourselves. We'll watch movies, tv, play games, talk, whatever. Gotta have the routine.

jen said...

Coupletime: date nights...late night rendezvous in odd places in the house...pinching each others bums when no one is watching...and I agree with Beth...ROUTINE ROUTINE ROUTINE bedtimes. That way you get to breathe!
Kiddotime: Always there...no need to plan that one! :)
YOUtime: A little bit trickier. BUT...hubby takes kiddos at least two times a month away for the day...so I have quiet time at home. I would also recommend scheduling in a quarterly mini-vacay just for you...or a ladies weekend!!! :)
Try not to feel quilty. I go back and forth about it...but really...you are a better mom when you take the time for you and for your spouse.

Jimboliah said...

i watch the little one when you 2 want to go out... :P dont worry about it goober.. you have a lot of good people around you who totally understand whats going 2 come.. btw :P when are we going out again.. haha and not just 2 a bar... movie sounds fun.. ROoR!! Happy Tuesday bubba :P

Torie said...

I'm not a parent, but I am an aunt who babysits her niece...A LOT! I think the idea is to find family and friends that are willing to babysit while you both still get your "date nights." They probably won't happen every weekend, but there is always family fun nights on the weekends you are all together, and that can be good too. These things always seem to work themselves out. After all many families end up with more than one child, so the parents must be getting some alone time somehow...

Nikki said...

The once a month hubby date works well. My hubby and I didn't have a date for years. I'm paranoid mom in the flesh and we had no family in the place we were living, I had no close friends in that area so us going out sans kids was out of the question.

These days, we shoot for once a month going out all dressed up for dinner. His schedule also allows us to have lunch together about once every week or three.

Just that one hour of communication with just us without having to worry about getting the dishes done, the kitchen floor mopped, etc. has really made things much happier and more wonderful.

Mel said...

Oh, man. Well, let's see.
1. Family you trust watching the kids for overnighters;
2. Trading off "I'll take the kids out, you get some sleep, baby" days;
3. Ignoring the dishes and running off to the bedroom the instant the kids are both sleeping;
4. Finding out-of-the-way corners in your home to make out like wild monkeys for a minute or two;
5. Giving yourself time to get used to it. Because you do.

And once you get used to it, you won't want it any other way. I promise. Take it from the girl who thought she didn't want kids at all and now has two she would lay down her very life for.

spidey said...

I don't know, dude. That will be a huge adjustment for Jason and I when we have kids. This is why I offer to babysit nieces and nephews now--hopefully they will babysit for me when the time comes.

Jenn said...

I'll just totally agree with the ROUTINERS. Allie is asleep most of the time by 8pm, so we have that time to hang out just us.

and yea....you should start offering to babysit for family and friends NOW so that when it's time they all OWE. =o)

Kevin Charnas said...

Brava! For being honest and knowing balance. Our "healthiest" closest friends who have children make sure that they schedule time and weekends away from their children. They have grandparents or friends take care of them and then the parents go and take care of their relationship. I believe that it's healthiest for all involved. The children don't become completely dependent freaks and neither do the parents. Now, my sister...my sister has NEVER been away from her children in 20 years and I'm NOT kidding. She's a great Mom, but...her kids were afraid to go upstairs by themselves in their grandparents' home to go to the bathroom until they were WELL into their teenage years. They would all go together, with my sister...and I just sat there thinking that they should be competing in the Special Fucking Olympics. (and that's an insult to those that do compete)

texas math said...

As you know I'm a father-to-be...and after reading this post...thank you for giving me yet another reason to completely FREAK OUT!

How will I ever be a sexy woman for Allie again? Err..man...sexy man...you get the idea...

Cheeky said...

I am jealous that you have free weekends. Don't worry about what will happen when another one comes along. My kids are 6 years apart so now I have a built in baby sitter - woohoo!

Undercover Angel said...

Jake and I have only been together for the past year but he has 2 children and I have 4 children. We knew this when we got together, and we've never really had the opportunity to have a completely childless weekend even though my oldest two children go with my ex-husband every second weekend.

Fortunately, he works nights and I work from home, so we have a few hours alone together during the day. Sometimes I get up at night or wait up for him to get home from work too - and then cook him dinner.

Random Musings Of My Life said...

My hubby and I have date nights once a week.
We also do not have kids.
But I will tell you one of my best freinds wrote out a cute little "child contract" with her husband and made him plan a date night every other week, and she planned it the next time.
They date every 2 weeks and sometimes that just means they get a sitter and go to a movie, or they send the kids off to a friends and rent movies.
Anything to just "be alone"
Having that in a relationship IS SO IMPORTANT!!

Stephanie A. said...

It's tough. Adam and I try to get a date night in once per month, but Hugo's been so sick and it has complicated things. Adam and I are pretty secure and can handle this because he's been so sick, so I don't worry if this goes on another few months.

However, what I need is time with some girlfriends. I need to talk to people who understand, but aren't tied to me romantically, fiscally, etc. But then again, I have hardly any friends here, so...

cj said...

Hey Jen, I would say that we have an at home date night 2x a week where as soon as the kids are asleep we watch a movie or play a game... just do something together. Then 2x a month at least we get out with out the kids. Yes it takes some planning but in the end its all worth it. :)

Becky said...

well as you already know we have date night once a week. and lately there's been exceptions to this but for the most part once a week is date night and matts mom takes hannah and we go out and party like you just described. and it rocks. and i'm used to it and i dunno how people live w/o it to be honest. and we've talked to his mom about us having another one and she will take BOTH kids on date nite for us. i'm like you. i never wanna be JUST a mom...i wanna be a mom and a wife and a person that likes to have a drink out at a bar and dance at a club and not ALWAYS think about laundry and kids lunches and whatever else. i know we're so lucky to have free babysitting like this. i never take it for granted

ginger incognito said...

We have a once-a-month date night, but someone watches the Doodle at our house. We don't have anyone able to take her overnight, so . . . we try to be home by 11. Wow. That sounds so pathetic. Anyhow, we also have "Me nights" once a month or as needed, no questions asked. Actually, it's a Girls Night Out for me once a month, plus maybe a scrapbooking night or somesuch, and the Husband usually gets together with his brother once a month for "guy stuff" (shooting things, bad movies I refuse to go see, etc.). Plus, we usually try to sit together and talk or veg to the TV after the Doodle goes to bed. It works for us. We're pathetic. :)

Jess said...

Take the advice given by others. I've been married for almost 8 years now and we almost never have dates. Once in a great while, I get to sneak away for a few hours just to be alone. When we only had one child my parents would take him every weekend, but now with two... it just doesn't happen. Good luck with this, maybe you'll be able to figure out what I haven't.

Lisa said...

We try to plan a date night three times a month. If we can't get out alone on a Saturday, we do lunch on a week day when Seth is away on his Children's Day OUt.

Or when honey works from home and Seth is at Children's Day OUt, we sneak in a "nooner." YEAY Working from home! Yeay Children's Day Out.

We pay out the ass for babysitting but it is very worth it!

Melissa said...

We do date night every other week. But we have parents who are very nice.

sweatpantsmom said...

I agree. Some free time away from your kids makes you a happier couple. And I remember reading somewhere that the best gift you can give your children is a happy marriage.

That said, my husband and I have gotten grief over the years for setting aside time alone, whether it's a regular date night or weekends away on our anniversary. Those people? We just pity them.

Our girls are older now, 7 & 10, and we have an arrangement with another couple (conveniently the parents of our girls' best friends) to take each others kids every other weekend. So, at least twice a month my husband and I know we will have one 'date' night together. It's worked out amazingly well.

Alison said...

Unfortunately, we don't have any family living near us that can watch our kids for free while we go out. So, we're limited to few times when my mom comes down for the day and we sneak off to lunch. Not too exciting, but better than nothing, I guess. The last time we saw a movie together was last summer! Pathetic, I know. Anyway, I have several former students who have offered to babysit but that's gets expensive and I imagine them rummaging through my underwear drawer and showing all the boys Mrs. O's panties the next day at school. :( Yeah, I'm paranoid.

As always, Jenn, you'll figure it out. :) The fiance has lots of family nearby, yes? Score!

melissa said...

We currently get lucky and pack the boys off every other weekend. I miss them, but oy, it's nice. It's the one thing I'm going to miss when we have another. I love my boys but the free time is so helpful for normalish functioning!

Kristin said...

i think it follows the flow... when the baby is little and all you are just too damn tired to go out dancing... we never really stressed this... probably cuz we entertain a lot and have gotten in the habit of going out of town several times a year, sans enfants.

but man, am i jealous of the fact you get to sleep in every other weekend!

Catherine said...

Don't you ever wonder what we did before blogs!? Man, you've gotten some AMAZING advice here. Bottom line: don't freak out. You're already a great mom whose balanced enough to know she needs time to herself occasionally. You'll be fine, woman. ;)

track said...

...everyone has a change of lifestyle when a little one comes along...no ands ifs or butts. Date nights are a drop in the bucket. Kids take a ton of time and commitment....it's hard work and consuming....but people keep having more kids so there must be some benefits.:)

track said...

Ever notice that people with kids talk about their kids all the time...it's pretty boring stuff if you don't have any kids which is why parents with kids hang with other parents who have kids. The reason they talk about their kids all the time is because they have no life outside their kids. That ought to tell you something...but then people that don't have kids but have a cat or dog talk about their cat or dog all the time so maybe no one was meant to have a life except those that have no kids and no pets.LMAO.

Staci said...

Jenn...having my kids every other weekend sounds so appealing I may just have to call a lawyer today and get those divorce papers rolling! LOL

Painter Beach Girl said...

I had to get over the guilt of looking forward to every other weekend "off". As single mothers, we deserve the free time. Balance is important, too bad there isnt anything set up for moms that are married too!!! Gives us time to regroup, feel human, talk to other adults without getting interrupted to wipe a pint sized butt, as well as have some intimate time with people we care about!!! I am right there with you, enjoy it!!!

Angry Dad said...

Dudette, you gotta remember that you can have just as much fun taking the kids with you sometimes. Roll up to a bar with 3 kids, and then try to convince them that they should let you in. Hours of fun! Take them to a casino, and leave them in the car park to see how quick the police come (video it, and then video you being arrested!)

Seriously though, parents and in laws are always a good thing. You just gotta find people you can trust. Where there's a will there's a way.

CAT said...

I think that is awesome that you look forward to your weekends that you and Dot have alone. When Chris and I first got together my ex took Ryan "sometimes" and although it was nice, I worried the whole time...with reason. So it's nice that Blake has a place to go that you can relax and have fun and then be a reenergized mom when he comes back.

Anonymous said...

This is a nice blog, I am going to bookmark you. I have been carefully studying women and how to attract them. It's amazingly easy and often just requires a change in attitude(at least, that's how Ive felt about me). Anyways, I am putting together articles and tips on online dating and seduction on my blog. take a look and let me know what you think Visit: Seduction. At the very least you will learn more techniques about seduction or maybe get a refresher on online dating?