i was a single mom for the last 7 years and i pretty much trained blake that at dinner time, he eats one thing and i eat another. i didn't mean to train him into this, but looking back, it's so fucking obvious that this is my "fault." part of it might have started when he was a baby and couldn't eat normal foods anyway, so i ate something different at dinnertime. it's not like i was going to eat gerber peaches or squash- ew! then as he got older, i sometimes wanted to eat things that i knew he wouldn't like, so i wouldn't even bother making enough for him, or even ask him to try it (unless he asked). and other times, i wouldn't be hungry for dinner, so i wouldn't eat at all. blake and i always sat down together, but we very rarely ate the same meal. well, we sat down together when i wasn't eating something that made him want to puke from the smell. that's another thing. blake has such an incredibly sensitive stomach and nose. certain smells gross him out, and he has stomach issues almost nightly. i never cared though. never cared that i had to throw together 2 seperate things for dinner. to me, food, and what blake would or wouldn't eat, has never been a big deal. plus, when you have a kid who literally wouldn't sleep for the first 5 years of his life, you make other things, like dinnertime, as easy as fucking possible. but in doing things this way, i've created a kid who flat out refuses to try anything new and gets so frustrated if he's asked too he's practically in tears.
this brings us to where we are now. living with boyfriend and attempting to have 1 family meal each night in our home without complaints. boyfriend talked to me about his frustration with dinner in our home and it just breaks my heart. i wish that it wasn't a big deal to him that blake doesn't want to try new things. i wish he didn't care. but he does. it seems to be the one thing that really gets him frustrated. and i understand because he's the one who is cooking dinner everynight and he doesn't want to make 2 meals. i get that. but you have 7 years of a kid conditioned to eat foods that he liked at dinnertime, and now you want him to open up and try new things? this, from a kid who eats his hamburgers plain. as in, NOTHING on them (i so blame his dad for that- ha). but it is so hard. because the moment boyfriend starts to get frustrated with blake for his flat out refusal to even lick something new, my natural defenses start to rise. it's in my gut instinct to defend blake. and that's not really fair to bf. it's just hard because this is something that is a big deal to bf, and it's not to me. i feel like if we're going to be upset at blake about something, it needs to be something that really matters. and to me, who gives a fuck about food?! but boyfriend does. and i don't mean to disrespect him in any way. i totally get his perspective and his opinion and i understand his feelings about this- i just wish it was different. because then i find myself hating that dinner has come to this once again. boyfriend asking blake to try something. blake saying no immediately without even giving it a thought. boyfriend getting frustrated. blake getting upset. and me, in the middle. and i think my biggest fear is that dinner will turn into this time that no one wants to be a part of anymore. the last thing i want is for the only time the 3 of us sit down together to eat, to be a negative experience. and i feel like that's where we're headed. like dinner is suddenly going to be the meal that no one wants to deal with. boyfriend will stop making dinner because he feels like he goes out of his way to make something nice, and blake won't eat it. blake won't want to come down for dinner anymore, because he gets in trouble everynight for not trying something. and i won't want to deal with the bullshit of it all. i don't know what to do. is there an easy solution that i'm just not seeing because i'm involved in it? do you make more than one meal for your kid? are we the only ones to who to deal with this kind of stuff? help.