being from LA i associate everything about LA (malibu, dodger games, disneyland, sunset blvd, the getty museum, universal citywalk, surfrider beach, santa monica, the angels, newport, griffith park, the train museum, pony rides in the park, etc) as being mine. i get very territorial when it comes to that whole area and sharing things from there with blake. i think it's because i want him to associate these things with me. i want certain memories to be MINE. blake's dad can have everything up in san francisco, where he lives, associated with him. take it, cause i certainly don't want it. who wants to associate with the giants? EW!
i used to work for disney and i had one of the coveted silver passes (me + 3 people get in free almost anytime). as a result of that silver pass (which i miss DEARLY by the way), blake and i would go to the land of dis often. and by often, i mean usually twice or more a month. so when blake's dad had him for 5 days this past week, imagine my surprise when he told me he was taking him to southern cali, for the sole reason, to visit disneyland. nevermind the fact that i just took blake there a month ago. why would you take a kid to a place he practically grew up in? it's not like blake even gets excited to go there anymore. why would you drive 6 hours to take him to disneyland, of all places? it just irked me beyond belief. partly because i feel like since i don't live there anymore, there is no reason blake should be going there without me. if blake is ever spending time in la, seeing his cousins (my sister and her kids), etc- it should be when he's with me.
i realize this is completely ridiculous and that i don't own the southern part of california. i realize that. i just don't care. i think i just get bitter. like if anyone is sharing all those things with him, it should be me. it's my territory. my turf. i know i sound pyschotic. and even when i lived down there, things would upset me. for example, i grew up going to this one park and feeding the ducks as a kid. and i wanted to share that with blake too. it was one of my memories growing up that i loved and i wanted to give that to blake. so i would take him there often and we would feed the ducks and it just warmed my heart that he would have this silly memory of feeding stupid ducks, just like i did. and then his dad started taking him there all the time. and well, that just downright pissed me off. like, can't you get your own memories???? do you have to traipse all over mine? why do i have to share everything with you? do something i don't do with him. take him somewhere i don't take him. get your own freaking ideas cause i don't want to share mine with you. i know i really do sound awful about all of this. it's just that i want my own memories with him. i think since his dad and i have always been seperate and never been together when it comes to blake- i want seperate memories. either that or i'm heading for the loony bin.