there are things i randomly like to freak out about. why? well because i'm me. i haven't had an inkling of a desire to do anything for the wedding. granted, it's over a year away and i've already done plenty, but still. the thought of doing anything for it just doesn't appeal to me. the thought of completely wiping out the savings account to have said wedding, doesn't appeal to me either. i freak out about the money we're going to pay for this day.
and then i completely freak about the kid we don't have yet. will i like it? it can't possibly be half as cool as blake is. will i like blake better? omg, do people do that? do you have favorites? and if you do have a favorite, are you a bad mom? or do you just not ever admit it? cause i'll admit it. i'll point and laugh at the other kid and remind it how it is NOT mommy's favorite.
the thought of having 2 kids completely stresses me out. 2 kids in day care is enough to make me want to cry. how do people afford it? and all of you stay at home mom's, how the hell do you afford to stay home?! it amazes me how many mom's have the "luxury" of staying at home these days. i don't know how anyone lives without 2 salaries. but then again, i do live in california.
i stayed home with blake after he was born for 7 weeks. 7 weeks, people! and i look at that now and think how fucking crazy that is. and mostly, how i don't want it for the next one. i want to stay home for a few months. i want that option. and not end up on the streets cause we can't pay rent. so i stress about how i can make it work. how can i accrue as much of my vacation time as possible and use that for when i birth in the future? and then how else can i at least get some money while i stay at home for longer than 7 stupid weeks? it stresses me out because i feel like if i don't come up with a plan NOW, i still have to come up with one later. and by not at least thinking about it now, i'm just putting it off. and i'm not a good procrastinator. *deep breath*
oh yeah, one more thing while we're discussing the baby that does not even exist yet. i haven't been a mom to a baby in YEARS. i forget what it's like. diapers, breastfeeding, formula, potty training, when to give them real food and don't mix the fruits with the vegetables and put them on their back, no their tummy, no their back, no their tummy. i am completely freaking out, but don't worry... i'll be fine in like 10 minutes or so. ha!