Friday, April 28, 2006
it's a blog eat blog world folks and i'm here to say that the big dogs (most of them) suck. we're all just bloggers.. sharing whatever it is we choose to share about our lives, with perfect strangers. and we all long for acceptance, and friendship, and people who enjoy getting to know us, and reading our blogs and leaving comments for us. it's the INTERACTION. we all long for and love the interaction with others that our blogs give us. we aren't writing these just for us. that's a load of crap and whoever says that they are, is lying (just like the girls who try to tell you size doesn't matter.. LIARS). because you know damn well how good it feels to get a comment about something you wrote. to get advice, or have someone relate to it, or help someone, or make someone laugh, or just connect with someone over something written. it feels damn good. and that's the fucking best part about having a blog in my opinion. is the fact that i am not.talking.to.myself.
for me personally, i try to respond to every comment i get. if your email shows (which tons of yours don't dammit! fix that!!), i email you back. if i don't email, or comment back, i always visit the blog of someone who posted a comment to me- especially if they're new. and i let them know that i was there. because i think it's important that a visit doesn't go unappreciated or unnoticed. but then again, i don't have a hundred thousand people reading my blog everyday. and i guess if i had that many, i'd ignore y'all too. lol
i'm not sure what i'm trying to say here entirely. i guess what i'm wanting to know is, do you feel jaded when there's a particular blog that you visit and leave comments for often, only to have the blogger never respond? do you think that bloggers are obligated or should at least acknowledge your existance when you visit them? or is it more that you'd just like to be noticed? do you feel unappreciated? and if you do, does it stop you from reading? or do you not expect anything from anyone's blog you read? i'm curious.
Thursday, April 27, 2006
and then i completely freak about the kid we don't have yet. will i like it? it can't possibly be half as cool as blake is. will i like blake better? omg, do people do that? do you have favorites? and if you do have a favorite, are you a bad mom? or do you just not ever admit it? cause i'll admit it. i'll point and laugh at the other kid and remind it how it is NOT mommy's favorite.
the thought of having 2 kids completely stresses me out. 2 kids in day care is enough to make me want to cry. how do people afford it? and all of you stay at home mom's, how the hell do you afford to stay home?! it amazes me how many mom's have the "luxury" of staying at home these days. i don't know how anyone lives without 2 salaries. but then again, i do live in california.
i stayed home with blake after he was born for 7 weeks. 7 weeks, people! and i look at that now and think how fucking crazy that is. and mostly, how i don't want it for the next one. i want to stay home for a few months. i want that option. and not end up on the streets cause we can't pay rent. so i stress about how i can make it work. how can i accrue as much of my vacation time as possible and use that for when i birth in the future? and then how else can i at least get some money while i stay at home for longer than 7 stupid weeks? it stresses me out because i feel like if i don't come up with a plan NOW, i still have to come up with one later. and by not at least thinking about it now, i'm just putting it off. and i'm not a good procrastinator. *deep breath*
oh yeah, one more thing while we're discussing the baby that does not even exist yet. i haven't been a mom to a baby in YEARS. i forget what it's like. diapers, breastfeeding, formula, potty training, when to give them real food and don't mix the fruits with the vegetables and put them on their back, no their tummy, no their back, no their tummy. i am completely freaking out, but don't worry... i'll be fine in like 10 minutes or so. ha!
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
i'm really trying hard to get becky to come too! so everyone let me know where she can get the cheapest flights from houston to san fran! let's get this girl to blogher!!!!
she's the only one i won't need a screenshot for!
iffin' you're so inclined- you can click to vote for me. but it's okay if you like one of the other nominees better! vote for them. but then you won't get the brownie i was going to give you for voting for me.
Monday, April 24, 2006
amy asks why i'm marrying a right winger?
obviously my brain doesn't function like a normal person's brain would, or i wouldn't be choosing this. or maybe we just enjoy completely wiping eachother's votes out at the ballot box. or we enjoy arguing about certain issues that we don't see eye to eye on. or maybe it's because i just don't really give a shit. HA! i am not really involved in politics to the point that it rules my life. to me, that's such a waste of energy that could be used doing something else. like designing my website or trying on new lipstick. i just accept the fact that him and i are different people and don't necessarily agree on certain things. it does get frustrating at times with certain issues, but that's when i whine, complain and insist we stop talking about it immediately because it isn't something that is "fixable." his brain is just broken and i fully accept that about him. plus, it's probably way more frustrating for him than it is for me, because he is far more involved in all things political than i am.
russ wants to know if i really have a wiener addiction?
oscar meyer? boyfriend? corn dog? could you be more specific? ooh, hot dog on a stick sounds good!!! yum!
also, if you travel to the deepest parts of the ocean, what one song would you want with you?
would it really matter? won't my head explode if i go down too far?
bottled or tap water?
dude. without a doubt. bottled. all the way. i cannot drink tap water, it's nasty. especially tap water in la... that shit'll kill you. but i'm all for the BRITA water filter.. couldn't use that in LA though, cause even with brita, the water was beyond foul. but up here in nor cal, the brita thing works.
jenn wants to know what the craziest thing i ever did was:
i hate these questions, but only because i can never think of a craziest thing. or a most insane thing. or a "most" anything. maybe i'm just more boring than y'all realize. or maybe everything i do has a hint of crazy and i can't just pick one. or maybe i can't remember anything anymore since i'm this old. ps- are crazy and stupid the same thing? okay.. melissa (i used to work with her- she posts as melissam) reminded me that i used to randomly flash people at work. (clarification- not the whole show, i'd just lift up my shirt and you could see my bra, big whoop, i have no boobs).. well one time i was trying to make one of the guys laugh. he was in a meeting with a bunch of the bosses and i think it's hilarious to make them start laughing during a time like that, or blush, or react... so i flashed him really quickly only to have the boss see me. she was like, "WHAT WAS THAT? DID YOU JUST??" yeah, i did. what'cha gonna do about it?
also, another crazy moment that i don't even know how to explain right because it's kind of all a blur in my head was when i was in the mel's diner parking lot in hollywood, fighting with leonardo dicaprio. he was yelling at me and i was yelling at him. and he was fiesty, and i was fiesty-er. and all i kept thinking while he was being a bratface to me was, "jack dawson is yelling at me right now." and i just wanted to laugh. i can't remember why we were yelling- it had something to do with one of my friends hooking up with one of his friends and blah blah whatever. they were on the phone with eachother and leo's crew followed us to the diner, but leo was all pissy about it and i think i gave him attitude, which made him sassy and that made me sassier and the "yelling" ensued. so yeah. bring it on leo.
melissa (the question whore) wants to know the following-
who is my favorite blogger and why?
in complete and utter honesty, i do not have a favorite. there isn't 1 blogger that stands out to me above the rest. i think part of that has to do with the fact that i recently started blogging, and found this core group of other bloggers (who i like to call my "hot pieces of ass blogging crew" they just don't know they're part of this crew since it only exists in my mind) and we've all just grown together and blogged together. i feel like we all started blogging around the same time (which may, or may not be true at all). i don't really like the bloggers who are super popular because i don't find their blogs all that entertaining, or relatable. i find myself wondering half the time, who the hell reads their blogs everyday and why? this doesn't go for all the popular bloggers, but most of them. you know what amazes me though? how many downright funny and witty people there are blogging in this world. it's crazy that so many talented people exist in this realm. and i seem to find more every single day, but i'm going to tell you whose blogs i read daily (at this very moment) and why:
Angry Dad- i just found angry dad's blog and the title of his blog alone cracked me up for minutes before i even started reading it. it's cool to have a dad blogging (i know there are many more out there) talking about his kid not sleeping, or the latest trip his family went on. i don't know, things are just different from a dad's perspective and especially an ANGRY one! HA!
Becky's Blog!!!! - i know becky from my message board, so reading her blog is like reading one of my close friend's blog. i love her and she makes me laugh and she's so gullible and sweet i just want to wrap her up and take her home.
Cannonballers - i read mike's because if i don't, i think his wife would kill me. plus i think it's really fun when a blogger's hubby starts blogging. it makes me laugh and then i get to relate to the couple, instead of just half the couple. that way i can stalk them better.
Eva Las Vegas - i recently found kristin- lord knows how- but i love her. her blog is sassy and honest and unapologetic for who she is or what she thinks. and i love that about her. and she has really cute kids and is super hot herself! rahr!
From the files of "Nothing Can Ever Be Easy" - tony is going to be a daddy everyone. and the best part of his blog is that it makes me laugh and i can't fucking wait until allie (his gf- who moved to texas from LA) has their baby. his blog is so going to change from "i can't wait to get hammered after finals tonight" to something else completely and that transformation is going to be awesome to watch. i should start reading allie's blog, cause she has one too.
Ginger Incognito- i read her blog because she has hysterical one liners. out of nowhere, you're just cruising along and reading her blog when she says something that just makes you spit water all over your computer. she has one of the wretched comment verification things, but i luff her anyways.
Intellectual Dropout- rick is just whacked. he's odd and funny and odd. i think it's because he's from the UK- ha! he posts disturbing pictures of the easter bunny dead on the street and that makes me laugh. and he reads this blog daily, and you've gotta love a perfect stranger who wants to do that!
Issa's World - she's really pissy about her blog design and is determined to make it more fabulous, but all that aside, melissa is just a normal (in some countries) chick blogging about life. it's just honest and real, and of course, funny. and the bitch eats ben & jerry's for lunch, hates that i drink chai tea, and called me ancient in an email. what's not to love?
On the Banks of the Rio Grande- i just started reading catherine's blog so she's still fairly new to me. but i'll tell you that she is FUNNY and witty and obviously insane (she has 4 kids). did i mention she's funny? cause she is. like, REALLY funny.
Maniacal Days - jenn's blog is nice. and by nice, i mean, she isn't a bitch. she isn't mean. she's just a downright nice person who makes me laugh and thinks she's boring and has nothing funny to say, but if that were true, i wouldn't read her blog. or her husband's. or link to her for cripes sake!
Midwestern Mommy - she is certain her new neighbors hate her and that her son is trying to force into becoming a morning person. she is honest about her marriage and admits faults and doesn't pretend to be perfect. plus, she makes me laugh and she's super hot.
Mom-101 - funny.fucking.bitch.
Mommy Needs a Martini -jen makes me laugh with her random shit that she posts. "hi, they keep me around at work because i'm a freak and here's why." she cusses and goddess knows i love a mom who swears. her blog is fun and her posts usually aren't long and drawn out and boring (you know, like this particular blog post is).
My life as a mommy - beth is a stay at home mom who is pregnant right now and due in 13 weeks! SO exciting!! i look forward to hearing about how her life changes from having 1 kid, to having 2. that way i can freak out appropriately for when it's my turn!
penguininthesun - cutie patootie who lives in san diego and isn't married and doesn't have kids. finds the goofiest shit with penguins on them and she likes to hit the club scene and check out bands. she writes about a bunch of random shit, but i dig it.
pickleness - STEPHANIE is one of my most favorite bloggers. i just enjoy the shit out of her. she makes me laugh. she makes me wince. she talks about poop and how important it is to date your husband now that you're both parents. most likely not in the same blog post. she is awesome and honest and SO FREAKING FUNNY!!!! i don't think she knows how entertaining and awesome she is, but that's what makes her even more damn loveable.
POW - she regularly posts about the weather in LA, and how she moved there because it's so god dammed perfect and i have decided that i read her blog daily to cry and torture myself... and of course to see the pictures she posts about said perfect weather and curse her in my sleep.
R A D H O L E - what can i say about russ? i know him from my message board too and he is the most unique individual i have ever known. there is no one else like russ dale. read his blog. you'll agree. 4 out of 5 people do.
Starlight Afterglow - emily is my new very best friend forever. she helped me redesign my website and she is just fabulous. she's getting married soon to a super hottie named james and she's fun, creative, and super cute!
Suburban Bliss: - one of the very few "popular" blogs i read and actually like. i like her because she makes fun of her husband's girly sunglasses and because she is honest about things that suck.
sweatpantsmom - she is funny, and weird, and likes meat in a serious way. johnny depp creeps her out and that makes me laugh. i think one of the first posts i read in her blog was about the fish dying. and the picture she put with it. and it was sad, but so fucking funny. she's great!
VenturaMom - i am certain she doesn't know i exist, but that won't stop me from reading her blog! she is FUNNY and her husband loves baseball and she's from so cal. my heart is hers.
Virginia Belle - i love this girl. i love that she isn't married. and doesn't have kids. i have this thing with not having every fucking blog i read be the same kind of person. virgina's comments in my blog, and other people's blogs crack me up more than her blog itself. (that really is a compliment) she is funny and witty and entertaining. and she just got a puppy, which makes me insanely jealous, but i can see past all that and still give her the love she deserves.
what is blake's middle name and how did i choose the name blake?
blake's middle name is joseph. no bj jokes people, thanks. here is the super "we should market this idea and make millions" way blake's dad and i chose blake's name. we each made a list of boy names we liked. we compared said list on the phone one night. we both had blake on our list. brilliance i tell you.
why the hell did i move from la to frigid san francisco?
well we've already established that my brain does not function properly. maybe it was sparkle shock from the diamond ring he put on my finger? bottom line, i moved because we got engaged. boyfriend lived in northern cali and i was in southern cali the whole time we were dating. one of us had to move eventually- i just never really realized that it would be me.
stephanie wants to know how often i floss?
omg, i seriously floss daily. i am obsessed with teeth. i am obsessed with white teeth! and i think i floss so often because i always get a piece of food stuck in the same spot everynight after dinner (ew!). so while i'm flossing to get that shit out, i just floss the rest! plus, it's SO good for your gums! and i want to always have lovely, sparkley, nice teeth and gums! and i'm psycho.
and when i have been most embarassed and why?
most embarassed? this is hard too because i rarely get embarassed. i normally just don't give a shit about things. but omg, boyfriend and i just saw mark wahlberg on some interview show the other night and it totally reminded me of the perfect embarassing story i could post here! FUN! when i was 19 i worked for a radio station in LA doing promotions. we were having an event with Marky Mark one night and we were taking him to meet fans and perform a couple songs, etc. so the group of us (mark's entourage and the radio station crew) got on the radio station bus to drive to the music store. as i was getting on, i flipped my hair to get it off my shoulders, when suddenly i heard this awful noise (think of a cat dying) and my head went flying backwards like someone had just grabbed me by the hair and yanked as hard as they could. i went to turn around but couldn't. i had tossed my freaking hair into the fan that was on the bus. like a mechanical, blowing air, fan. and there i was, yanked so close to it, my hair completely wrapped around it, and marky mark staring at me like "wtf just happened??" they eventually untangled my hair, and i sat down behind mark, mortified. it's so fun being me sometimes.
jen (who is obviously on crack) asked me where the strangest/sexiest place i've ever had sex was?
if i answer this, people i know will never sit or touch anything in our house again.
cajohnson wants to know what i hope to learn at the blogher conference of 06?
not much i hope. i'm just going to look hot, take pictures and lounge by the pool. okay really, the biggest part for me is going to meet fellow bloggers and make new friends in the blog world. if i actually leave the conference with information that i can use, that will be a bonus.
angry dad asked what my favorite roller coaster is?
i love love love love love rockin' roller coaster at MGM studios in walt disney world! it starts off super fast and shoots you through a loop in the dark and the whole ride takes place in LA on the 405 (and maybe the 10) freeway while you're trying to get to an aerosmith concert. it plays music in your ears and it's just SUPER fun! i love everything about it!
susan says: why that font? in your blog? are you trying to make me go blind?
yes susan. that is part of my master plan. to make all my blog readers eventually lose their eyesight. seeing things is so overrated. what the fuck are you even talking about? why can't you read it? does anyone else have this problem, or is susan just a fucktard?
kristin wants to know how boyfriend and i met!
i have a message board that i've run for over 5 years now. a bunch of guys who offroad their toyota tacoma trucks post in there. he was one of them. we posted to eachother for over a year.. he totally wanted me, and i thought he was a gun toting, right winged, freak. a bunch of the toyota boys were going offroading in big bear and i was going too- i met him in person then. and i almost shit myself with how fucking hot he was. he was super yummy and there was an undeniable connection between us. i felt things for him that day that i can't explain with words. at least not without sounding like a babbling 2 year old. there were complications though. like the fact that i was "dating" (if you can call it that) someone else at the time. i was really struggling with doing the right thing in that relationship before getting into something else. it was a very mental battle of doing the right thing for the wrong reasons. in the end, i am where i'm supposed to be...and with whom. and i always knew that i'd end up here, i just wasn't sure exactly how.
virginia belle is asking a shitload of questions, like:
which celebrity would you most like to have lunch with?
this is tough. i grew up in LA, woman! i've worked in radio and in the entertainment industry almost my whole life, and i've had lunch with celebrities. there really isn't anyone who piques my interest that much that i would care to eat with. unless they're buying and we're going somewhere super yummy. then i'll eat with anyone.
ew. none. there are definitely hot actors/musicians.. but then they speak. and when they do that, they usually end up grossing me out, turning me off, or pissing me off. and i'm totally not the type to do the "you're hot, let's fuck" thing. i was always more the "you're hot, kiss me.. and kiss me good" type. ps- once they speak and repulse me, they aren't hot anymore either.
oooh, i'd like to work with lots of celebrities. i like being in the entertainment industry and doing things with celebrities. i totally think it's fun (when they don't suck). but then you talk about work, and i think "do i have to be their slave?" or what kind of work are we talking about? how about they do their job, i sit and stare and tell them how great they are, and get paid for it? i would totally love to be involved in the recording industry. you know, sit in the studio while bands/groups/artists record their albums. i love music and i think that would be the shit. or i'd love to work in publicity for the dodgers!!!! HOW FUN WOULD THAT BE?
how did you find my blog in blogland?
i have NO idea how i found sam's blog, but that is how i found yours. a comment you left in her blog cracked me up so much, i went to your blog from there and just kept visiting. i heart you!
and finally, how did boyfriend propose?
i blogged a little about it before here and then more of my pyschosis here. why am i attempting to type this when i could just link you to a post that i wrote about it the day after it happened??? read my version of the day here. and you can read boyfriend's version of the day, here (and then scroll to post #3 for the real recap). just click guest to enter the forum and it will take you directly to the posts i want you to read. it's just too long to write about and relive without throwing up. it will be 1 year of being engaged on May 21st and we'll be in new york and that alone is super fun! (mike, did jenn tell you she wants to see us?)
good lord. if any of you read this whole entire fucking long ass post, go eat a cookie (or 12). you deserve it. i may never blog again after this thing.
Sunday, April 23, 2006
Saturday, April 22, 2006
also - is anyone who reads my blog planning on attending the blogher conference this july?i'm planning on going (saturday only), and i want to know who else will be there? i mean, who else will be there that i actually want to meet. bueller?bueller?
Friday, April 21, 2006
so in my dream, i never talked to a florist so we had no floral bouquets (ha!)... and i forgot to get one of those hoopy slip thingy's that makes your dress fuller underneath.. and i forgot to hire someone to do my hair or makeup and i didn't have a curling iron that worked and i was asking all my friends if they had one and no one would go home to pick one up (fuckers).. and my best friend alison was there and she wouldn't give me her slip that she wore with her wedding dress because it was all airpacked, or whatever the hell you do to it after you wear the damn thing, and she didn't want to open it!! what a bitch! (she reads this blog too, so i know she'll get a kick out of how evil she was). i think that's it. or that's all i remember.
i woke up this morning thinking, "already?!? i'm dreaming about this kind of crap already???" good lord. it's going to be a long 14 months folks.
Thursday, April 20, 2006
what cracked me up about jury duty this time was the fact that no one would speak their grievances about the case (DUI) out loud. everyone wanted to speak to the judge privately about their "issues." yet, no one had a fucking problem telling a room full of 81 strangers their full names, where they worked, how long they've worked there, where they went to college, what their degree was in, how many kids they have and how old they are, where they live, how long they've lived there, their spouses name and place of employment. all i kept thinking was how if we had a complete pyscho among us, any one of us could be his next target (hi, here's my address and i'm at work between 8-5 everyday and so is my wife. here's the key to my house to make things easier). and it was those same people wouldn't say out loud why they couldn't be fair & impartial in a case like this. you just told me a shitload of personal information about yourself and your family, but you won't say what your issues with drunk driving are???
i wanted to take a moment to remember the columbine anniversary today. this day in 1999 completely affected me. it devastated me. it horrified me. and it broke my heart. i get like that with certain things. sometimes i just feel too deeply. this event was one of those times. i couldn't shake columbine for a long time after it happened. i was consumed by everything about it. ask my friend meg, she'll tell you. she watched me read every piece of news printed on the subject. and she witnessed my heart just aching for these kids and their families, and all those left behind to pick up the pieces. i can't really wrap my head around such horror, so i won't even pretend like i can understand it. i just want people to know i won't ever forget it. and that i still think about it..... and not just on the anniversary. hug your kids. and hug them tight.
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
blake - "people can't fly."
me- "no, but fairies can."
that stupid fairy is real. real i tell you. we don't question magic, we just don't. i finally told him that whatever he chooses to believe, is what he chooses to believe, but i am not answering his question. he hounded me for about 20 more minutes after that. the kid is relentless. but i could see it in his eyes- even though he was laughing and smiling, the second i said "yes" that stupid fairy is me, he would have lost it again. and nope. i'm just not doing it. the bitch is real. so is the fat man. until i die. or until he reads this blog.
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
so instead of the blog fwd, i've decided to follow tradition (it is now officially a tradition- thanks to melissa, who got the idea from metrodad, who got the idea from who knows who) and answer the questions that you want to know. the things you actually want to know about moi-ster, but were too afraid to ask. grab your cyber balls now, and ask away! just post your question(s) in comments, or you can email me, and we'll rock n roll! whatever it is. you're almost guaranteed an answer. i think. maybe. most likely. ah, we'll see.
randomly-i'd like to take a moment to discuss the comment verification thing that so many bloggers have on their pages. you'll notice i don't have one. why? because i hate them. why? because i can't read the damn letters it wants me to type! so what does it do when i've gotten the first set of 15 letters wrong? it puts another set. only this time, the font is harder to read and there are more letters smashed together. like i can really tell the difference between a cursive v and w when they're right next to eachother. and i feel it mocking me. "no dumbster, that wasn't a w.. that was 2 v's! how could you be so stupid?" i hate those things. and i don't understand why the verification has to be so completely unreadable? is the purpose to not let anyone comment unless they have a masters in reading ancient hieroglyphics? i realize and understand why so many of y'all have them. i just think they suck. i guess i'm all for comment verification- as long as it's freaking legible. it just never is. so on that note- down with comment verification! i'm starting a revolt! fear me.
more randomly- michelle over at bebereviews wanted me to let y'all know about a new column they just started! it has celebrity mommy gossip, coupon codes, discounts, special sales and more! so check it out and let me know if it was useful for you or not. i feel oddly like a sell out at this very moment.
Monday, April 17, 2006
"come on mom, just hide them on friday night! who cares? why do we have to wait until sunday???? MAAAAHM!"
i considered it. cause what difference does it make if i hide them on friday night, or saturday night? and what the hell do easter eggs and a freaking bunny have to do with jesus? where did this come from anyways? not the jesus part, the bunny part. well hell, while you're at it, might as well explain the jesus part too. just kidding. kind of. anways, i made him wait until sunday morning to hunt for eggs and now he has the biggest bag of candy known to man. and he'll never eat it. he still has tons of his halloween candy in a bowl. he is obsessed with having candy, but once he gets it- he doesn't eat it. unless it's a reese's. then he makes himself sick with them. he gets that from me. i'm a reeseaholic. if there's a 12 step program for that, i don't want it.
i'm still working on getting the video of me in the mud up. i have it, but it's not broken into parts and i need to do that. or scott needs to send me that one clip, but he slacks and obviously hates me, so we can all blame him for the hold up.
Saturday, April 15, 2006
this isn't the first time he's done this either. he was completely obsessed with the country compilation infomercial too- the one where kenny rogers is the host. i swear we watched that one at least 20 times. and i'm certain we'd still be watching it, if it was still airing. thank the goddess it's not though, because all his plastic surgery was starting to give me nightmares.
ps- am i the only person who notices how people's outfits, or the things they're wearing match whatever is in the background of the show/movie they're in? because i always notice that "her" top is the same color as the vase in the kitchen, or how the color of "his" tie matches the painting on the wall in the living room. and all my friends think i'm crazy that i even notice that kind of stuff, but it's just how i see things. like when i look at a scene in a movie, i notice everything in it. especially if the colors match. it's probably just another sign i'm headed to the looney bin. i bet they give me a nice pretty white shirt, to match the white walls though!
and pps- just to be clear (regarding comments and emails i've received about the post below) blake's dad is a very good dad. he is great with him, as involved as he can be, and him and i have a good relationship. i get bitter and stupid about things that shouldn't really matter, but that's just me sometimes. i don't want anyone thinking that his dad is a jerk, because that couldn't be further from the truth. he is a really good guy- i just like to bitch.
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
being from LA i associate everything about LA (malibu, dodger games, disneyland, sunset blvd, the getty museum, universal citywalk, surfrider beach, santa monica, the angels, newport, griffith park, the train museum, pony rides in the park, etc) as being mine. i get very territorial when it comes to that whole area and sharing things from there with blake. i think it's because i want him to associate these things with me. i want certain memories to be MINE. blake's dad can have everything up in san francisco, where he lives, associated with him. take it, cause i certainly don't want it. who wants to associate with the giants? EW!
i used to work for disney and i had one of the coveted silver passes (me + 3 people get in free almost anytime). as a result of that silver pass (which i miss DEARLY by the way), blake and i would go to the land of dis often. and by often, i mean usually twice or more a month. so when blake's dad had him for 5 days this past week, imagine my surprise when he told me he was taking him to southern cali, for the sole reason, to visit disneyland. nevermind the fact that i just took blake there a month ago. why would you take a kid to a place he practically grew up in? it's not like blake even gets excited to go there anymore. why would you drive 6 hours to take him to disneyland, of all places? it just irked me beyond belief. partly because i feel like since i don't live there anymore, there is no reason blake should be going there without me. if blake is ever spending time in la, seeing his cousins (my sister and her kids), etc- it should be when he's with me.
i realize this is completely ridiculous and that i don't own the southern part of california. i realize that. i just don't care. i think i just get bitter. like if anyone is sharing all those things with him, it should be me. it's my territory. my turf. i know i sound pyschotic. and even when i lived down there, things would upset me. for example, i grew up going to this one park and feeding the ducks as a kid. and i wanted to share that with blake too. it was one of my memories growing up that i loved and i wanted to give that to blake. so i would take him there often and we would feed the ducks and it just warmed my heart that he would have this silly memory of feeding stupid ducks, just like i did. and then his dad started taking him there all the time. and well, that just downright pissed me off. like, can't you get your own memories???? do you have to traipse all over mine? why do i have to share everything with you? do something i don't do with him. take him somewhere i don't take him. get your own freaking ideas cause i don't want to share mine with you. i know i really do sound awful about all of this. it's just that i want my own memories with him. i think since his dad and i have always been seperate and never been together when it comes to blake- i want seperate memories. either that or i'm heading for the loony bin.
Thirteen Things about whatever the hell i want, gawsh!
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
the boy in this picture.. you know, the one trying to single handedly lop off my head? yeah, him. he so loves me.
when i got home from work last night, i was greeted by a man who quickly hustled me into the house and relieved my arms of everything i was holding. all the candles in our house were lit and the table was set so beautifully for 2 (blake is with his dad). and the house. OMG, the house. he fucking cleaned it!! i wanted to cry over that alone.
he hurried me up the candlelit stairs and i heard voices. my mind quickly flashed to the fact that his buddies were hiding somewhere in our room just waiting for me to get up there so they could jump out and terrify me. i was wrong. what i heard was frank sinatra playing from the speakers. *swoon* i quickly glanced around the room and took note that the candles were burning and that his nightstand was clean (like i could see the whole entire thing, clean)! and his side of the bed was spotless! and our dresser. holy crap. everything was clean!!!! this made me smile inside. probably outside too. he hurried me into the bathroom. oh yes, THAT'S where the guys are hiding to scare me, i just know it! wrong again. that's where a freshly drawn bath was waiting for me. a hot bath that almost burned my feet off, but does that really matter when it comes to love? i think not.
and there he left me. to soak in the tub and relax while he went downstairs to cook dinner. it was such a romantic and thoughtful night. and why did he do it, you're asking yourself? no reason. just because.
Sunday, April 09, 2006
my girlfriend loree came to visit from LA this weekend. she's so much fun. we've known eachother since i was in 7th grade and that's a long time when you're ancient like we are.
on saturday the group of us went offroading. (group = us hot old chicks, scotty, boyfriend and jimmy). how funny are the guys? do you think the 3 of them called eachother and discussed the fact that they should all wear various camo pants? "if we dress like this, animals won't be able to see us, right?" they are such dorks! hot dorks. but still dorks.
speaking of dorks. let's talk about me on a mini dirtbike, shall we. i've never ridden one of these things before. i did so good the first time i rode it (which was not the time you're about to see). here i am, being a smart ass and pretending i'm not going to run over scotty as i'm headed right towards him.
and see what being a smart ass gets me? it gets me stuck in the mud. do you see my shoe? of course you don't. you know why you don't see it? cause it's BURIED IN THE FREAKING MUD.. ALONG WITH MY PANTS AND THE DIRTBIKE!!! do you know how heavy things become when they're in mud? my legs felt like they were submerged in drying cement. and let's not even talk about how overweight (someday, i want to be a real dirtbike) the baby bike became. thank the goddess scotty was there to get the whole thing on video. there's nothing like hearing me whine "someone save me.. i'm stuck!!" in real time. it was really funny and i was cracking up and well, if i didn't laugh i might have cried. and even though my eyes get super pretty and green when i'm crying, it's much more fun to laugh. especially when it's at yourself.
Friday, April 07, 2006
anyways, i'm following sam's lead here and letting you know that some of you don't have the button clicked in your profile that allows your email address to show. (i never knew mine wasn't checked). without having this checked, i can't freaking email you and sometimes i want too.. REAL BAD! i have all my comments emailed to me- and it makes my life so much easier when i can just hit "reply" and shoot you a pretty email right back! but for a lot of you, i can't. i realize you hate me and enjoy making me cry and that's fine. but for those of you who luff me, please do the email thing- or at least come back and read the comments section, cause i probably commented back to you in there. i'm crazy like that! oh yeah, living life on the edge!
and a quick note about bloglines. virgina belle pointed this out too and i had never actually used it before, but now i use it to read my blogs (all YOUR blogs) everyday. you can put the html address of every blog you read in the "my feeds" section and it lets you know everytime a blog has been updated. how many posts you've missed since you checked in last. the only downside to this (and it's not really a downside) is that you can't comment from bloglines. it's purely where you'll read all the blogs you read daily, in one place. so if you want to comment, you just click on the actual blog post link and it takes you directly to the blog. it makes thing easier having them all in one place to catch up, instead of going from each blog, to each blog. do it!
okay, i'm done bossing everyone around this morning!
i think i have the sweetest, most kind hearted kid out there. yesterday at school, some kid (who will be referred to as dumbass from now on) asked another kid (who will be referred to as asshole) for a cookie. asshole told dumbass that he'd give him the cookie, if he punched blake. so dumbass went to hit him. blake dodged and dumbass missed. once blake started walking back to his food however, dumbass punched him in the chest.
blake started crying and when i got home last night, he told me this story.
boyfriend and i talked to him about how it's okay to defend yourself. how if someone hits you (like dumbass did), you have every right to hit them back. and you know what my kid says to us?
"well i didn't want to hurt him. he doesn't speak english very well and i didn't want to make him cry like i was."
and i hate this bullshit so much because A- i don't want my kid getting punched for a fucking cookie (at least punch him for $100 bucks or some serious 2nd grade cash) . and B- i don't want there to be any kind of backlash against blake for telling me what happened. because i called the principal and informed her of the incident and she is going to take care of asshole tomorrow. if asshole is mean to blake, or does any kind of retalliation crap to him, i swear to the goddess i'm going to lose it. is it wrong to kick a 2nd graders ass? maybe i should just beat up asshole's parents. i'm such a good example. but seriously, who raises their kid this way? if you raise your kid(s) this way, you suck. BIG TIME. and you should be beat down with a very large, and hard, stick. numerous times. until you cry. i wonder if asshole's parents even know he's like that. i would be shocked if i found out blake said something like that. but i would also want to know about it. i wish i knew asshole's parents so i could tell them. or hit them. and then take their cookies.
ps- i almost pissed on my chair when i read sweatpantsmoms comment about yearbooks. not only is ronnie now writing hallmark cards thank you very much, he's their fucking president.
pss- i love everyone's comments so incredibly much. so thank you to everyone who takes the time to comment and make me laugh, smile, cry, wince, whatever. and to all of you who don't comment, but still read my blog- thank you for that too. it makes having this blog all worth while (that and the fact that my grandpa reads it everyday. sorry i cuss so much gramps. love you.)
Thursday, April 06, 2006
WHAT? i waited for that crap? i sat there wanting to vomit while he was writing, for that? i probably spent all summer trying to figure out just what the hell he meant. okay not really. ali and i just did "flyby's" by his house all the time instead. stalkers in training, anyone?
jeffrey ben was one of the guys on my website. his remains were found and positively identified a few days ago (after being missing for 5 years). i'll be taking him off my site shortly and sadly, replacing him with someone else. i just found out that project jason (a website run by a mom of a missing guy) has a blog. and i've linked them in my blog links to the left. i like to bring this any sort of attention that i can, because you never know what can happen. you never know if someone might read this and know something, or see something, or get involved in a way that helps. for me, just getting the word out there is my doing of doing something. it doesn't seem like much, but it seems like the only thing i can do.
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
so i got un-asked to be a bridesmaid in a friends wedding. who the hell gets UNasked to be a bridesmaid?? it's a first for me. i understand her reasoning though. i truly do. she wants more from me as a friend than i can give and she doesn't feel very close to me since i moved. and that leads me to this- expectations. do you have high expectations for your friends at this stage in your life? are you a demanding, or high maintenance friend? cause i don't feel like i am at all. i don't require anything from my friends on a daily basis, other than for them to just stay alive. i know that's asking alot. i'm SO demanding. but seriously. i can go months without talking to my closest friends, and it doesn't mean a thing other than the fact that we all have lives, and we're busy living them. it doesn't mean i don't care about that person, or love them, or think about them, etc. i just don't feel the need to be up my friends asses on a daily basis. who has time for that? i certainly don't. not with a kid, this job, and now that i'm living in sin with boyfriend (not to mention trying to plan this damn wedding). i feel like i barely have time to breathe.
anyways, i started wondering if maybe i was a shitty friend? do i come off like i don't care because i don't put expectations on people? that can't be right. because that's just not who i am. i know that if i needed one of my friends, they'd be there for me. just like i would be there for them if they needed me. i also feel like each one of my best friends plays a different role in my life. i know who to go to when i need to talk about certain issues or share certain things. they are each so different, yet together they make up the most beautiful collection of people i've ever known.
what about you? how often do you talk to your best friend(s)? what is your relationship like?
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
the first time i hear a new cd. i love music. it affects me so incredibly much. the lyrics especially, but also the instruments. the lyrics could suck, but the background music could be so incredibly beautiful, that i can't stop listening to it. whenever i get a new cd, i find myself completely transfixed. i dive into the song head first, and whatever they're singing about, i am there. i see the song in my head. i find myself laughing when they're laughing, crying when they've lost someone, finding it hard to breathe when they sing something that takes my breath away. sometimes i lose myself in a piano melody, or am completely transfixed by a string instrument's solo. and while they're singing over the chords, i can still hear it in the background... i love beautiful music. i love crappy music. i love music. it really is a powerful tool.
i got a new cd this morning, can you tell? when i listen to something for the first time, i'm just sitting there dying... wondering, where is the song going? it's like watching a story unfold for the first time. you're not quite sure where it's heading, but it's a beautiful ride getting there. songs can be so inspiring-
"life's like a novel with the end ripped out.. the edge of a canyon with only one way down.. when push comes to shove, you taste what you're made of.. you decide you've had enough, you get mad, you get strong.. then you stand."
and it can be heartbreaking too-
"there's a rain that'll never stop falling.. there's a wall that i've tried to take down.. all i can hear in the silence that remains, are the words i couldn't say... and it's too late now."
and it can make you laugh-
"ya wanna know what you get when you play a country song backwards? you get your horse back, ya get your dog back, ya get your best friend jack back, ya get your truck back, ya get your hair back, ya get your first and second wives back, ya get your mind back, ya nerve back..."
it's the music too. the melody in the song that makes you laugh because it's so silly and fun and crazy and you find yourself dancing like crazy in your car. or heartbreakingly slow and serene you find yourself hanging on every up and down note of the strings.
i'm a slave to music. and i don't mind it one bit. i fucking love it, actually. what about you? does music affect you at all, or am i just a freak? (we all know i'm a freak, but still)
Monday, April 03, 2006
well i don't. it makes me sick to my stomach. boyfriend's brother wants to have a whole fucking bachelor party weekend. where, you ask? in vegas of course. how lovely. how respectful towards me. how kind. and what will i be doing all weekend while he's pissing me off? feeling nauseous i'm sure.
i just don't get it. i mean, most girls i know (especially at this age. yeah, i'm old) have no desire to do that kind of crap. hell, i feel like my whole life until i met boyfriend has been a bachelorette party. i wouldn't feel like i missed out if i didn't have one. but if i do, i know it would be something that didn't include male strippers. it would be more girly. i might be tipping someone, but it would be because they painted my toes pretty, not because they shoved their tits in my face.
i just don't understand why bachelor parties seem to give guys a reason to do things they would never, ever do on any other normal day. why does the fact that it's a bachelor party, all of sudden make things that aren't normally okay, okay?
how do you feel about bachelor parties? did your husband have one? is your fiance going to have one? should i just tie boyfriend up in the basement and lock him there until our wedding day?
Sunday, April 02, 2006
and apparently, guy friends don't want to hear the same things you would tell your girlfriends. as i described, in detail, something that happened between boyfriend and i that morning to jimmy, he went running out of the house, covering his ears, doing the "la la la i can't hear you" thing. who knew that boys can't handle the same things we tell our girls? i figured if anyone would want to hear all this gross goodness, it would be another male. apparently i was wrong. i'll try not to make that mistake twice, but since it tortures jimmy so much, i'm sure i'll do it again. it just makes sharing icky info that much more fun!
on a kid note- blake was flexing his manly muscles for me during nickelodeon's kids choice awards tonight. he took off his sweatshirt so he could flex appropriately and i told him he was sexy. he responded with an emphatic, "EW MOM! THAT IS SO WRONG! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU???" which made me laugh. then he started wrestling with boyfriend and i hear him yell, "stop tickling me, woman." woman? oh man. i'm still laughing from that one.
Saturday, April 01, 2006
and i found out i won when the head of the whole company was standing here! so i told him that i won and i thanked him, and he just stood there staring at me, smiling, but totally clueless as to what the fuck i was talking about. it was a great moment. plus, i was totally hyper and spazzing out and he's just like, "WHO IS THIS GIRL?!?!" okay, he didn't really say that. at least not out loud, but i'm certain he was thinking it in his head.
then i told him the following, which almost made my bosses shit because they would never talk to him this way, "i know that you drew my name personally out of a hat, didn't you? i'm your favorite huh? it's okay if i'm your favorite. you can tell me. i won't let it get to my head." HAHAHHA!
this would all be so much more fun if y'all knew where and who i worked for, huh?