Wednesday, February 08, 2006
guilty as charged
the guilt of being a mom is never fucking ending. no one ever warned me, "jenn, you will feel so guilty for choosing to pee instead of watching him count his lego's that you won't be able to sleep at night." i wouldn't have believed them anyways. so let me be the first to tell you, childless women, THE GUILT IS OVERWHELMING. seriously. who knew you'd feel guilty for not wanting to play that last game of uno? just because you've already played 5 games, why can't you play one more? WHY? because you just want to relax. you just want to spend some time by yourself. you just want to lie in bed and veg the fuck out in front of your favorite show. so you go to do that. and then it hits. you're wracked with it. "is this show really more important than playing uno for the 15th time with blake?" you question EVERYTHING. every decision, every choice, every fucking thing. it is seriously a wonder how all mom's do not go mentally insane. now, i don't think there's a damn thing wrong with wanting and needing time for yourself. hell, i think it's the most healthy thing you can do. you have a favorite show, watch it. you want to soak in a hot bubble bath for 2 hours, do it. BUT, you'll feel guilty about all of it after. most likely, during. and it's not really something you ever get used to. so the point of this post? i don't have a fucking clue. maybe it's to have y'all relate to me and tell me that you deal with the same things. give me some normalcy. make me feel sane. lord knows i feel insane enough on a regular basis............ but in the fun way.