Wednesday, February 08, 2006

guilty as charged

the guilt of being a mom is never fucking ending. no one ever warned me, "jenn, you will feel so guilty for choosing to pee instead of watching him count his lego's that you won't be able to sleep at night." i wouldn't have believed them anyways. so let me be the first to tell you, childless women, THE GUILT IS OVERWHELMING. seriously. who knew you'd feel guilty for not wanting to play that last game of uno? just because you've already played 5 games, why can't you play one more? WHY? because you just want to relax. you just want to spend some time by yourself. you just want to lie in bed and veg the fuck out in front of your favorite show. so you go to do that. and then it hits. you're wracked with it. "is this show really more important than playing uno for the 15th time with blake?" you question EVERYTHING. every decision, every choice, every fucking thing. it is seriously a wonder how all mom's do not go mentally insane. now, i don't think there's a damn thing wrong with wanting and needing time for yourself. hell, i think it's the most healthy thing you can do. you have a favorite show, watch it. you want to soak in a hot bubble bath for 2 hours, do it. BUT, you'll feel guilty about all of it after. most likely, during. and it's not really something you ever get used to. so the point of this post? i don't have a fucking clue. maybe it's to have y'all relate to me and tell me that you deal with the same things. give me some normalcy. make me feel sane. lord knows i feel insane enough on a regular basis............ but in the fun way.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Now that the "Freedom to Blog Anonymous Act" is in force, I like reading your blog too, and I like that neither of us have any idea who we are at all . . . :)

Becky said...

well i can totally agree and i do feel the same way. i feel guilty for not reading Dora one more time, and i feel bad that i'm at work all day so hannah has clothes to wear and food to eat. i question everything.

jennster said...

i honestly don't feel bad working.. lord knows that i do NOT have the patience to be a stay at home mom. for my sanity and blake's well being, it's a good thing i work. LOL.. but i hate how i just want to spend time alone and then i feel guilty because WHY CAN'T I JUST PLAY WITH HIM MORE? you know?!

Melissam said...

Totally agree but as they get older the guilt isn't as overwhelming. Just don't miss the big things now like baseball games, school events and such. The little things like the 15th game of Uno will not have him grow to resent you or give him issues of abandonment. Also, just chat w/him & let him know some times you need just a bit of time to yourself...doesn't mean you don't want to be with him, you just need the time. A relaxed mom is a happy mom.

Blake won the lottery having you as a mom. Don't beat yourself up over the small stuff.

jennster said...

melissa.. you are the sweetest and this was quite possibly, the best comment ever. thank you so much. fuck, i'm gonna cry. i'm SUCH a girl.
i do tell him that- i talk to him about why i'm grumpy, or why i have no patience somedays, or why i just need to relax sometimes and not play at that moment. it still doesn't end the guilt. it doesn't make it go away. i wake up the next morning thinking, "why the fuck can't you just play with him more? why not play another game?" you know. someday, he won't want to hang out with me at all. *gasps*

Alison said...

Minutes before I read this I was thinking about how naptime is my absolute favorite time of the day and now you have me feeling guilty. Okay, I'm over feeling guilty. :)

jennster said...

fuck that ali- no guilt during sleepy time!

Alison said...

Yes, but I look forward to it ALL day long! :) And after they wake up, I find myself looking forward to bedtime. :) Bad mommy!

texas math said...

Geez...my child isn't even born yet..and I was already thinking of how good it will be when he/she moves out of the house so Allie and I can have some "alone" time...thanks for the guilt! I am feeling more and more like a parent now.

jennster said...

LMFAO! just wait tony! just you wait! i don't know if daddy's guilt is even half as close as mommy's guilt is- but make sure you tell me, k?