Tuesday, January 03, 2006

who he'll love more

i know i'm a total freak for thinking this. especially when i already have a son and i KNOW how it is. i mean, i love blake in a way i couldn't love chris. because it's a different kind of love. and i love chris in a way i could never love blake, for the same reasons. but i love them both immensely. and my heart would break without either one of them. but i freak out at the thought of having a little girl.
chris and i were talking about this the other day. i was teasing him, telling him he's having a girl and to get used to the idea! and then he was like, "i will die!" and i said, "you will be wrapped around her little finger!!" and he was like, "I KNOW!!! it will kill me!!!" and then i was like.. ah shit. he's going to stop loving me, because he'll love this little girl more! LOL.. so i asked him. and when i ask him stupid shit, he loves to torment me for his own pleasure with crappy answers. so he said, "there's only room in my heart for 1 girl- so you'd better give me a boy!" know i NOW he's joking. BUT STILL!
so i asked the forum if he'd stop loving me. or love me less. or love me different than he loves her- all with the bottom line of being loved less than the unborn child we're talking about who isn't even here yet, or on the way, or anything... and the consensus is that i'm crazy. LOL well i already know this! i mean, i realize this is completely irrational, but still. i just am so thankful and appreciative that i've found this man who loves me the way that he does. it's what i've always wanted in my life. and i just love him so much and so deeply that words often fail me. so the thought of being "replaced" makes me sad. i know a child doesn't replace the mother, BUT STILL! i am freaking out here people! F R E A K I N G O U T!!!!! and then there was becky's post. she posted that her daughter tells her "that's MY daddy! get off!" whenever she's hugging her husband! LOL i can't have competition in my own household! oh man, this is what my life is headed towards. at least i'll always have blake- that is, until he likes his little sister more than me. poor little unborn girl.
my favorite response in the forum however, was from toots... she said the following:
"I'm sure many women think that way..it will NOT make him love you less..he'll love you more. You'll just have to wait and see..it's too damn hard to explain and convince someone..you have to experience it..try not to worry about it..cuz you're a freak and you're crazy and you're wrong. "

1 comment:

babyjack said...

Oh Jenn... you're too much! Of course he's gonna love that little girl like crazy! She's half him and Half you! But... she isn't you and you know that he would never EVER let anyone replace you in his heart!
Besides... you're little girl will grow up and be nice and not be competetive with you for his attention because that is how you will raise her... families love each other, together... no crazy competetion, and when mommy wants ALL of daddy's attention... Jenn will have it! :-)